Sawubona, sengizuze izinsuku ze-365 ngakho-ke bengicabanga ukuthi sekuyisikhathi sokuthi ngibhale uhlobo oluthile lombiko ukuze ngibuyele kulomphakathi. Okokuqala, ngifanele ngithi lokhu kuzoba ngumbiko omnyama esikhundleni, njengoba angizange ngithuthuke kakhulu njengoba abanye abantu bekwenzile ngesikhathi esifanayo.
Amaviki okuqala ambalwa ayethusa impela, kepha futhi kwakukhona lapho lapho engangizizwa sengathi nginamandla amakhulu khona. Ikhanda lami lahlanza, ngazizwa nginamandla amakhulu, futhi kwenzeka okungacabangi - abesifazane bangibuka, ngaze ngamamatheka okumbalwa. Ngomongo, ngingu-virgin engineminyaka engamashumi amathathu futhi ngilwa nokukhathazeka komphakathi. Ngakho-ke lapho abesifazane bemoyizela kimi noma bengafanele babheke eceleni lapho ngibabuka, lokho kukhulu kimi. Ngangihlala ngicabanga ukuthi lokhu kuyinkunzi lapho ngifunda ngalokhu kweminye imibiko yabantu, kodwa maye, kuyiqiniso. Ngeshwa, akukho lutho olwavela. Ezinyangeni ezimbalwa kamuva, kwaba sengathi lesi sigaba sesiphelile, futhi yonke into yabuyela esimeni sayo phambilini. Lokhu yinto engingayiqondi, kepha-ke, ngicabanga ukuthi mhlawumbe ngidinga ukuzisebenzela ngokwengeziwe.
Okunye okuhlangenwe nakho okunamandla kakhulu ukuthi ngibe nesifiso esingenakubekezeleleka ezinsukwini zami zokuqala, kodwa angizange ngivume ukungenisa bese ihamba ngemuva kwemizuzu ye-30. Lokho kwakubaluleke kakhulu kimi. Ukwenza lowo mlando ukuthi udlule empeleni bekubaluleke kakhulu.
Ngibe ne-flatline eyathatha izinyanga ezimbalwa, kwathi-ke, ngaphandle kwendawo, izifiso ezesabekayo zabuya. Lokho futhi lapho ngiqala ukufikelwa iphupho ngiphinda ngithole futhi ukuphuma kwezikhathi zobusuku futhi. Ukuthola imibono engiphuma ekhanda kuyinto engisasebenza kuyo. Kodwa-ke angizivimbi nakancane ukuthi ngicabange nganoma yini ephathelene ne-porn. Noma nini lapho kuvela, ngivele ngiyicime.
Ngingasho nje ukuthi ukuthola imicabango engaphansi kolawulo yiyona nto ebaluleke kunazo zonke. Yilapho ukubuyela emuva kuqale khona, futhi ngasondela ekubuyeleni emuva izikhathi ezimbalwa, kepha ngangikugwema njalo. Ngokuvamile, lapho umcabango ocansini ungena engqondweni yami, ngizama ukuwuxosha. Uma ngibona okuthile okungangivula, ngibheke kude. Lapho kunesimo se-movie ku-movie esingangivusa, ngiyakweqa. Lapho ngiguqula ikhasi likumagazini bese kuthi lapho kukhona umfazi oshisayo esikhangisweni, ngiguqule ikhasi. Lokhu kubalulekile, futhi ngikholwa ukuthi ukwenza lolu khetho ukungazinikeli kunoma yiluphi uhlobo lokukhuthaza ubulili kube yinto eyodwa engenze ngafika kuleli banga.
Futhi ngaphelelwa yithoni enesisindo, ngaqala ukusebenza ngaphandle, ngashintsha indlela engidla ngayo. Ukuthuthuka kahle lapho, kepha ngisekude nalapho ngifuna ukuba khona.
Isizathu esenza angizange ngithuthuke kakhulu njengoba ngifisa ukuthandwa yimi ukuthi umlutha we-PMO uyingxenye yesithombe esikhudlwana. Inkinga yami yangempela ukulutha kwe-Intanethi, futhi ngazama imizamo embalwa yokuthola ukunqotshwa kwengqondo nakho lokho, kodwa ngehluleka kaningana kulo nyaka. Ngizoba nolunye uhambo kungekudala. Izikhathi ezimbalwa engihlala isikhathi esingaphezu kwenyanga, ngaba nokucacisa okungakholeki engqondweni yami, futhi ngingaqoma kuwo wonke umuntu. Inkinga ukuthi ngenkathi i-PMO ingaqedwa ngokuphelele ngaphandle komphumela ongokoqobo oqondile, ukuqeda i-intanethi ngokuphelele kunemiphumela emibi empilweni yami. Kumele ngibuyele endleleni yokuphila ye-1990s, okungenani isikhathi eside, futhi lokho kuyisihluku nje, ngoba ngithenga izinto eziningi online futhi ngidinga ukubuka izinto eziningi. Lapho ngithuthuka kakhulu lapho ngibona ukuthi ukwenza ushintsho lapha yilokho okufanele kwenzeke ekugcineni, ayikho enye indlela, futhi kuzoba nesihluku. Konke kuncipha kulokhu: Uma umlutha owodwa ungaphandle kwesithombe, omunye angangena kuwo. Ekugcineni, u-I‛ve kufanele ngandlela thile aqede ukuxhomekeka ekukhuthazeni okuvela ngaphandle. Le yinto engisalwa nayo kakhulu. Ngingake ngikhululeke kunesidingo sokukhuthaza ukugcwalisa isikhala ngaphakathi kimi? Ikusasa lizokhombisa.
Lokhu kungiholela kwelinye iphuzu, ngokubhekisele kwi-nofap naku-inthanethi. Ukususa into obe yingxenye yobuntu bakho isikhathi eside kungesabisa. Kumele ngivume ukuthi angisenaso isixazululo salokhu. Angisakwazi ukuzitholela ukuthi ngisuse isipele sami sokugcina kwifolda yami ye-porn, ngoba ziningi izinkumbulo ezinamathiselwe ngamavidiyo amaningi, emuva eminyakeni engu-15. Ngiyabona ukuthi lesi yisinyathelo okufanele ngisithathe ekugcineni, kepha kuze kube manje, angikwazanga ukukwenza.
Into eshaqisa kakhulu kimi ukuthi izifiso zabuya emuva kwezinyanga eziningi. Nginezikhuthazo ze-monster ezivela esihogweni cishe ezinsukwini ezingama-300 futhi ngacishe ngabuyela emuva. Kuleli qophelo kumele ngivume ukuthi kube wusizo olukhulu kimi ukufunda imibiko yabanye asebebuyele emuva emva kwezinyanga eziningi noma ngisho neminyaka. Ngandlela thile, ngangizilungiselele, yize kwangimangaza ngokuphelele futhi ngangingakholelwa ukuthi lokhu empeleni kwakwenzeka kimi. Uma ufinyelela inani eliphakeme lezinsuku futhi uzizwa sengathi ungaphezulu komhlaba, ungavumeli ukuqapha kwakho. Ungaba nesimo esibucayi ngaphakathi kwemizuzu embalwa kungabikho ndawo, futhi udinga ukusilungela.
Umugqa ongezansi yilokhu. Ngenkathi kungaba nezimo lapho izinsuku ze-90 zingaholela ekushintsheni okukhulu, kufanele futhi ucabangele ukuthi lokhu kungenzeka noma kungenzeki kuwe. Izinguquko ezinkulu empilweni zidinga ukubekezela, ngoba kuzofanela uphinde wenze izinto ezifanayo ezingathandeki kaninginingi ngaphandle kokuthola umvuzo ngokushesha. Lokho kusho ukuthi ngiyaneliseka ngokwanele lapho ngikhona maqondana nokuhluleka. I-PMO yinto engingasakwazi ukuzibona ngiyenza, sekuyinto eyinqayizivele futhi emangazayo kimi. Akunandaba ukuthi unamandla kangakanani kulezi zinsuku, i-PMO imane nje iphuma empilweni yami futhi angisayiboni njengeyinketho. Ngimane ngishiya inkambiso yodwa ngicabange okunye, bese iyahamba, futhi lokhu „kuyinto evamile kimi manje. Ezinsukwini ezimbalwa ezedlule ngangibheka isipele se-harddrive engisenzile ngonyaka edlule futhi empeleni ngikhohliwe ukuthi iphi ifolda ye-porn! Bekumele ngiyifune imizuzu emibili ngize ngiyithole. Ungakukholwa lokho? Ngadideka. Ngakho-ke, yize kungenjalo kangako okuguqukile empilweni yami yangempela, lolu hlobo lwempumelelo lungishukumisela ukuba ngibhekane nezinkinga ezinkulu empilweni yami.
Nazi izinsiza ezingisizile.
- I-athikili ku-YBOP ekhuluma ngokuthi ukucabanga ngamabomu kuyayilimaza kangakanani imizamo yakho. Kukunika izindlela ezimbalwa zokuthi ungabhekana kanjani nakho, nokuthi ungakukhipha kanjani engqondweni yakho: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/sexual-fantasy-the-more-you-scratch-the-more-you-itch
- Nayi enye i-athikili mayelana nendlela efanayo: https://www.yourbrainonporn.com/other-techniques-for-rewiring
- Ividiyo ekuvinjelweni kokubuyela emuva. Ishintshe indlela engibheka ngayo ukubuyela emuva futhi yangisiza kakhulu. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FmjjxdDwOIc
- Isihloko esivela kumfana owenze le vidiyo eshiwo ngenhla, mayelana nezimpawu zokuhoxa isikhathi eside. Lokhu kungenze ngabona ukuthi lomzabalazo uzohlala isikhathi eside kakhulu, futhi kungisizile ukuthi ngibeke izifiso ezingazelelwe ngokuzumayo. http://www.addictionsandrecovery.org/post-acute-withdrawal.htm
- Noma yini evela kuGabor Maté, uchwepheshe waseCanada owelapha imilutha isikhathi eside futhi obhale incwadi ethi "In the empire of the Hungry Ghosts". Ubuye abe nezingxoxo ku-YouTube futhi ushintshe umbono wami ngesimo sami ngokuphelele. Konke kumayelana nobuhlungu esizama ukubufihla ngokuziphatha okuluthayo, nangokuthi ufike empandeni yokuhlupheka kwakho. Ukubhekana nokuqukethwe kwakhe kungenze ngazola kakhulu futhi ngaziqonda kangcono izinto. Uma uzizwa usondelana nemicabango yakhe, qhubeka uhlole ezinye izinto zakhe, ikakhulukazi ngokuxhumeka kwengqondo-komzimba. Ishaye ingqondo yami. Nayi ividiyo eyodwa enhle phakathi kwabanye abaningi: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BpHiFqXCYKc
- Incwadi ethi “Demythologizing Celibacy” kaWilliam Skudlarek. Ngibe nentshisekelo enkulu kulokho okushiwo izindela mayelana nokungashadi nokuthi bakwenza kanjani ngakho. Le ncwadi iyinhlanganisela yemicabango yamaKhatholika neyamaBuddha ihlanganisiwe futhi bekungicacisela ukuthi ngifunde ukucabanga okulethwa yila maqembu womabili, kanye nomlando wamanye amakholi azama ukudlula kuyo.
- Futhi lesi sithombe sangemuva singisize kakhulu. Inamandla athile noma ngizizwe ngathi inginikeze amandla amaningi: https://www.reddit.com/r/wallpaper/comments/1lotmc/a_wallpaper_i_made_flight_2560x1440/
Ngibonga ukusekelwa ngonyaka owedlule, futhi ngiyanifisela okuhle nonke.
by Okuvamile
;