Ngingowesifazane. Imvamisa ngivele ngindiza ngaphansi kwe-radar njengomunye wabafana kepha njengoba lokhu kungumuntu othe xaxa ngokwengeziwe bengicabanga ukuthi ngizonikeza isexwayiso esifanele. Ngiyakuhlonipha ukuthi kungabangela abanye abantu.
Ukusetha umcimbi.
Ngaqala ukushaya indlwabu ngo-13/14. Kuqondane nokulahlekelwa ubuntombi bami ngokudlwengulwa. Ngangisebenzisa izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kusukela ekuqaleni. Kwaba umkhuba ngokushesha okukhulu, kudlulela ezikhathini ezithile ngokweqile ngisho nakuleyo minyaka (ukuthatha izinsuku esikoleni ukuze ngithole i-porn, njll.) Nganginobudlelwano obungenampilo nobuyingozi kakhulu ngezocansi nokushaya indlwabu iminyaka emincane kakhulu. Ngangilimele, ngingaqondi, futhi ngangingeneminyaka lapho ngingaqonda khona imiphumela. Ngangisengozini kubantu abangama-scummy futhi kungishiye nezibazi ezingokomzwelo ezingapheli.
Umkhuba wokushaya indlwabu uqhubeke iminyaka eyi-10 elandelayo. Angikaze ngibe nesikhathi sokugwema ukushaya indlwabu kanye nezithombe zobulili ezingcolile engangizisebenzisa zaba nzima ngokwengeziwe lapho ngikhula, i-intanethi yavela, futhi ngacikwa yizinhlobo engangivele ngizihlolile. Lokhu kwesinye isikhathi kunhlanhlatha kube yizinhlobo enginamahloni kakhulu ukuzithola, futhi lokho bekungalimaza ngokumangazayo ngengqondo esemncane.
Indawo yokuguqula.
Ishesha phambili iminyaka eyi-8 iye eminyakeni embalwa emuva. Ngangineminyaka engu-22. Nganginobudlelwano besikhathi eside nomthengi ophoqa ukushaya indlwabu / izithombe zobulili ezingcolile (hhayi okokuqala kwami, ngokudabukisayo, kodwa ngangiqala ngqa ukubona ukuthi kunomthelela). Ngalesi sikhathi ngase ngilawule ukushaya indlwabu nokusetshenziswa kocansi ezingeni elijwayelekile kodwa hhayi elonakalisayo kakhulu. Ngangingakaze ngibe nobuhlobo bobulili obuphilile. Bengithathe eminye imikhuba engemihle endleleni futhi bengilokhu ngiphela ngiba yisitimela iminyaka eminingi yobusha bami nokuba mdala. Nginqume ukuthi ngidinga ukudweba umugqa.
Nginqume ukugwema ezocansi ngenxa yezizathu:
- Bengifuna ukuxhumana ne-OH yami kwezocansi ezingeni elijulile. Sasise-LDR futhi sabonana ngenyanga eyodwa kwabane. Saqala ngokunganiphathi nge-porn / akukho ukushaya indlwabu lapho sasihlangene ngokomzimba. Nginqume ukuluthatha ngokuqhubekayo. Bengifuna ukugxila emandleni ami ocansi ku-OH yami futhi akukho okunye.
- Bengifuna ukwazi ukuthi ama-kinks ami nezinkinga zobulili yingoba ama-kinks nezinkinga zobulili noma ngoba yiminyaka yocansi.
- Bengifuna ukuyeka ukungcolisa ingqondo yami. Bengifuna ukuyihlanza. Bengifuna ukwelulama kusuka eminyakeni yokuhlukumezeka.
Umphumela kungenzeka ukuthi kwakuyisikhathi sami sokuqala empilweni yami engake ngaba nobuhlobo obunempilo nobulili nokushaya indlwabu. Manje sekungunyaka we-1 nezinyanga ze-5 kanye nezinsuku ze-4 selokhu ngigcine ukudla i-porn.
Lokhu kwaba yisisusa sokufuna ukuphila impilo engcono, ejabulisayo nenempilo. Ngaqala ukuyeka eminye imikhuba emibi. Ngiyekile ukubhema (1 unyaka we-4 izinyanga nezinsuku ze-24). Ngiqalile ukudla ukudla okunempilo nokuzivocavoca (izinsuku ze-1 unyaka we-1 izinsuku ze-14). I uyeke ukuzilimaza, futhi waphishekela ingqondo enempilo (izinsuku ze-5 izinyanga ezingama-11). ngithole ngqondo (izinsuku ze-4 izinyanga ezingama-5).
Usuku lwamanje.
Ngineminyaka engama-24. Ububi bami bokugcina kwakuwukushaya indlwabu. Ngiqale ngomugqa wami omude kunayo yonke eminyakeni eyishumi ukuba: imodi eyodwa yenyanga enzima (engahlosile) / inselelo ejwayelekile yezinyanga ezintathu. Bengilokhu ngilwa kanzima ngosuku lwe-3. Ngemuva kwalokho uphawu lwezinsuku eziyi-7. Iminyaka embalwa. Manje sengingaziqhenya ngithi my I-strak ende kunazo zonke yizinsuku ze-3 izinyanga ze-24. Imodi enzima.
Ngokubuyela emuva.
Ngangisagwema izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngakho-ke ngisese-1 unyaka wezinyanga ze-5 nezinsuku ze-4 ezingcolile mahhala. Ngisanda kubuyela ezindlini zokulala ngemuva kwezinyanga eziyisithupha ngisebenza ekhaya futhi ngicabanga ukuthi kwakuyinhlanganisela yesikhathi esiningi samahhala (isemester ayikaqali okwamanje) nokukhiya emnyango wami (akukho thuba lokuphazamiseka) nokuchoboza ukuqwasha nokuthola lowo muzwa wokulunywa. Isenzo ngokwaso sasidumaza i-AF futhi ngokushesha okukhulu. Akungisizanga ukulala. Inzuzo kuphela kwakuwukuthi umuzwa wokukhululeka wendawo ozoba yi-hella wesikhashana. 6/0 ngeke income.
Emigomweni.
Inhloso yami kwakuyizinsuku ezingama-90 futhi ngazenza eziyi-115. Ngangincintisana nenselelo yokuphana ngemali ye-NY 1,000 $ (Kwenzekeni kulokho, btw. Kubonakala sengathi i-OP ilandisiwe ??). Kepha ngesikhathi sezinsuku ezingama-90 sizungezile bekufana nokuthi “Angiphuzi”, “Angizibuki izithombe zobulili ezingcolile”… “Angizishayi indlwabu” ngakho-ke ngivele ngaqhubeka. Ukuqala ngibe nezinhloso ezimbili:
- Inhloso enkulu bekuwukususa okunye kokungcola engqondweni yami. Ngaba nomuzwa wokuthi ukuvimba ukusetshenziswa kwezithombe zobulili ezingcolile kwakuyekisa ukungcola, njalo lapho ngihlanza ukungcola kwakuza kuvela. Bengifuna ukunika ingqondo yami i-detox yosuku lwe-90. Bengifuna ukufaka esikhundleni sokukhumbula izigcawu zocansi ngombono wami noma izinkumbulo esikhundleni salokho. Lokhu kwaqala ukwenzeka. Ngemuva cishe kwenyanga ngiqale ukuba namaphupho ngezimo eziwumqondo ongathandekiyo ezingakhonjwanga i-porn. Kodwa-ke lapho nje ngibuyela ebuchosheni ubuchopho bami babuyela ezingubeni ze-porn ngaso leso sikhathi. Ukudumazeka.
- Ngonyaka wokuqala ngangiyekile ezithombeni zobulili ezingcolile nganginobudlelwano bami njenge-crutch. Ukuqala unyaka wami wesibili ngingenayo i-porn bengingasekho ebuhlotsheni futhi bengingasenayo leyo nto eya ebudlelwaneni bokushaya indlwabu njengendawo. Eqinisweni, leyo nto yokwaziswa yangidabukisa ngempela. Ukushaya indlwabu kwaqala ukungidabukisa ngempela. Yize ubudlelwano bami babusizile ngokuyeka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile ngokunginikeza okuthile kokuguqula amandla ami ezocansi abheke kuwo, bekuvimbele ukuyeka ukushaya indlwabu ngoba bekuyi-LDR. Ngakho-ke ngizwe ukuthi leli bekuyithuba lami lokuhlanzwa okufanelekile - kufaka phakathi nokuthula nokuphela kobudlelwano bami. Ngingasho ukuthi lolu hlangothi lwalo lusebenze u-80%.
Qhubekela phambili.
Ngizoqhubeka nohambo lwami. Ngizoqhubeka ngingabhemi, ngingaphuzi, ngingasebenzisi i-porn, ngivivinye futhi ngidle okunempilo futhi ngigxile emqondweni ophilile ngekusasa elibonakalayo. Ngizokwamukela ukungashadi futhi ngikhululeke isikhathi eside kakhulu empilweni yami selokhu ngangimdala ngokwanele ukuba ngikwazi ukukhipha (izinyanga eziyi-5 manje, nokubala). Ngeke ngiphishekele obunye ubuhlobo noma ukuphola ngize ngibe nempilo. Ngineminyaka engu-2 nengxenye esele yezinga lami futhi ngizofunda njenge-fuck. Ngizogibela amahhashi njengefuck. Ngizoya kwi-yoga njenge-fuck. Ngizogiya njenge-fuck. Ngizokwenza zonke izinto ezingenza ngijabule ngijabule, njengefuck. Ngeke ngishaye indlwabu njenge-fuck kuze kube yilapho nginobuhlobo obuhle nokushaya indlwabu. Angikabi lapho okwamanje.
Ukuthula, makhaya. Qhubeka ulwe nokulwa okuhle.
by celicityjf
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