Ufuna ukuthola ukwaneliseka okukhulu? Yazi ubuchopho bakho.
Ukucabanga ngocansi kudala kwenziwa ukuthi kuyindlela yokuhlangabezana nezidingo zocansi noma ukugcwalisa igebe phakathi kwabalingani bomlingani ngaphandle kokuvumelanisa libidos. Lokhu kuthatha isifiso sobulili kufana nendlala: umane udle (noma i-orgasm) uze usuthole ngokwanele. Ngokusobala, uma unesifiso esikhulu noma esihlukahlukene kakhulu kunomlingani wakho, uzofaka ukudla okulula, noma ukushaya indlwabu, njengoba kungaba njalo.
Abantu abaningi babheka i-orgasms njengoba benza ukudla okuyisisekelo. Uma ukudla okusheshayo kuyinto ewusizo ebalulekile ngoba kukudla ngokushesha, i-fantasy yakho oyintandokazi iyigugu ngoba ikuthola ngokushesha, noma ngokukhuphuka okukhulu kwama-neurochemchemicals.
Kungabe kube khona okunye endabeni? Njengoba nje uhlobo oluthile lokudla lubangela ukufisa nokuzibopha, mhlawumbe izinhlobo ezithile zocansi zobulili zenza, futhi (okusho ukuthi, noma yini ethola wena ivusa ngempela). Isibonelo, yenza ukudla okuyishukela umkhuba, futhi cishe ungabathanda ngisho nalapho ungenaso isifiso sokudla okunempilo, okungukuthi, ngisho nalapho umzimba wakho akudingeki udle. Awufuni izakhamzimba, kepha ufuna ukushesha okuncane kwe-dopamine yamakhemikhali ebuchosheni, evele iphinde yehle futhi — ikushiye ukhathazeke ngokuningi.
Ngokufanayo, lapho ucabanga ngokwengeziwe ngalowo mlingani wezindlela ezintathu noma we-kinky, kulapho kungena khona futhi kuqinise leyo micabango. Ufaka amaseli wezinzwa ndawonye ukwakha indlela exhuma i-movie yakho yangaphakathi ngokuvuka kocansi. Ngenxa yalokhu, ukuqagela kungaholela ekudlaleni okuthile engqondweni yakho njenge-CD elimele. Njengoba uvala i-dopamine yakho ngamunye isithembiso yezinjabulo, izifiso ze-orgasm zingakhuphuka ngaphezu kwe-libido yangaphambili. Ukukhungatheka kwakho okwandayo kungenza kube nzima kakhulu ukuthola ukwaneliseka. Ngesikhathi esifanayo, ubuchopho bakho bungase bufinyeleleke ekuthengisweni kwangempela. Omunye wesifazane,
Ngiyakujabulela ukucabangela izimo ze-porn. Kodwa manje ngiyigcina kancane, ngoba lapho ngilala nomyeni wami futhi i-orgasm ibonakala inzima.
Isifiso osithuthukisayo nefantasy sihlukile kunesidingo sakho esinempilo sokuxhumana ngokujulile nomunye umuntu. I-Loud neurochemical ephezulu "UTHOLA!" amasiginali avela kumcabango angahlehlisa ubuchopho bakho umjikelezo womvuzo-Ngakhohlwa izinto eziza kuqala. Uma le ngxenye eyinhloko yobuchopho bakho ikhulula ama-neurochemicals amakhemikhali athakazelisayo phakathi kwefantasy yakho kunokuba phakathi kocansi nomlingani wakho, ingxenye yakho iyoba yinto enengqondo ngempela ngenhla oshade naye. Lokhu kudala ukungqubuzana kwangaphakathi futhi kungahle kukudukise mayelana nezinzuzo zothando olufudumele kanye nobuhlobo obuseduze, obunokwethenjelwa (bobabili oboniswe ukuthuthukisa inhlalakahle).
Ifilosofi kucatshangwa ukuthi ayinabungozi, kungakhathaliseki ukuthi yikuphi okuqukethwe kwayo. Kodwa-ke, njengokwokudla, uhlobo nobuningi bokugqugquzela ngokocansi kubonakala kubalulekile ezingeni likamakhemikhali ebuchopho. Omunye umuntu wathi ngokuhlangenwe nakho kwakhe:
Kunezinkinga eziningi ngokuba namandla kakhulu ngemicabango yezocansi. Ngiqaphele umphumela wokubamba iqhaza: lapho nje ngisebenza ngefantasy, le fantasy iba yinto engathandeki kangako, bese kufanele ngidlulele kokunye okukhulu kakhulu futhi okungokoqobo, okufana nokukhula kocansi. Iqiniso lokwenza ifantasy akuvamile ukufana nokulindelwe, futhi amaphupho amaningi ngeke abe nempilo ebudlelwaneni uma kusetshenzelwa kukho.
Ingabe i-fantasy enkulu kakhulu inkinga wena?
Ngabe uvuthondaba ngokuvama okwandayo, noma kuzimo ezimbi kakhulu? Ingabe uhlangabezana nezifiso ezifunayo, ezingapheli isikhathi eside noma ngabe u-orgasm kumcabango wakho? Ngabe uyathukuthela lapho oshade naye engahlangabezani "nezidingo" zakho, yithi, imidlalo yokubusa noma ukwenza amavidiyo asekhaya? Ingabe ukukhathazeka kwakho kuyanda? Ngabe uhlukanisa kakhulu? Ingabe unemizwelo noma ucasukile? Bakho ama-erections buthakathaka? Ngabe ufuna ngokungapheli ukuthola leyo vidiyo ephelele yefantasy yakho ukuze weneliseke ekugcineni? (Ngikufisela inhlanhla ngalokho.)
Uma uhlangabezana nezinto ezinjalo, khona-ke ngaphezulu, noma okushisayo, ama-orgasms akuyona impendulo. Kungaba yisikhathi sokufuna ukwaneliseka ngomunye umzila. Uhlobo lwenqubo elandelayo lusiza iziguli eziphazamisayo eziphoqelela ukuphinda zisebenzise ubuchopho bazo. Umuntu ophethwe i-OCD ukholelwa ukuthi uma engabheka nje ukuthi isitofu sicishiwe izikhathi ezanele, uyozizwa ekhululekile. Esikhundleni salokho, ukukhathazeka kwakhe kuyakhula ngoba usebenzisa i-loop yobuchopho engasizi ngalutho njalo lapho ehlola. Uqala kuphela ukwenza buthakathaka iluphu lapho yena akenzi ngokuthanda kwakhe. Ngamanye amazwi, uma wenza ngokwengeziwe, nakakhulu ufuna ukukwenza; Ngaphansi kwalokho owenza lokho, kancane ufuna ukukwenza.
Esikhundleni sokuzama ukuqeda ukukhungatheka kwakho ngokobulili ngamaphupho amaningi, vumela umoya uphume kumcabango wakho. Vumela leyo loop yobuchopho ukuthi ithambe kusukela ekunganakwa. Misa uvuthondaba kumcabango wakho. Yeka ukusesha kwi-Intanethi ukuthola amavidiyo wayo. Ngaso sonke isikhathi uma kungena engqondweni yakho, zitshele ngokudlala, "Yenqaba!" Cabanga nge-buzzer enkulu ehamba ekhanda lakho, bese ubona ngeso lengqondo unyathela umbuthano omkhulu obomvu ngokuwudlula phezu kwesithombe sakho se-flashback nge-clang. Masinyane vula amehlo akho kwenye indawo.
Njengoba uyeka ukuvuselela lezo zindlela ezijwayelekile zobuchopho, ukuxhumana okukhona kuma-synapses amaseli ezinzwa ahlobene empeleni kuyancipha, futhi iphupho likhulula ukubamba kwalo. Qaphela ukuthi ungalwi nephupho, ulibize ngamagama, noma ulibhale (noma wena!) "Uyagula" noma "unesono." Ungazami ukuhlaziya ukuthi uyathuthuka yini. Amaqhinga anjalo andisa ukukhathazeka. (Uma wenza ukuxhumana phakathi kokukhathazeka nokuvuka, ungazithola ufuna ukwenza i-orgasm noma nini lapho ucindezelekile.)
Ekuqaleni le nqubo iyinselele, ibonakala ingenangqondo, futhi yandisa ukukhungatheka. Ubuchopho bakho Ufuna ukulungiswa kwalo kwama-neurochemicals amakhemikhali kanye ukuhoxiswa akukhululekile. Kungakhathaliseki ukuthi uzizwa ucindezeleke kangakanani ngaphakathi ngenkathi usebenzisa le ndlela, yilokho owe do okubalulekile. Umgomo wakho manje ukukhipha ngobumnene konke okufisayo kusuka ekuvusweni kwakho ngokocansi, futhi uvumele ubuchopho bakho buyele emuva. Kuzothatha ukubekezela nokuvumelana, kodwa kungenziwa.
Uzokwazi ukuthi indlela yakho entsha isebenza lapho ukuvuka kwakho kocansi kuvela ngokwemvelo ngaphandle kwefantasy. Lolo uphawu oluhle kakhulu; ubuchopho bakho buyaziphinda. Kungenzeka futhi ukuthi uthole izinto ezimbili: (1) isidingo sakho se-orgasm sincane kakhulu kunalokho obukucabanga ngenkathi usebenzisa iphupho ukufika emvuthwandaba, futhi (2) iqiniso liyanelisa kakhulu njengoba ukuzwela kobuchopho bakho kukhula.
Omunye umuntu, owayesecindezelekile futhi enganelisekile iminyaka ngoba wayeqiniseka ukuthi ubulili obudala nomfazi wakhe ongenakuzithandela kwakuwukuphela kwendlela eya enjabulweni, ayeka ukucabanga ngakho futhi efuna izithombe zocansi zobulili obudala. Ngemva kwenyanga, wathumela:
Ngizizwa ngidonseleka kakhulu kumkami futhi ngikuthola kulula ukukhohlwa imizwa yami enomsindo. Imibango yabonakala sengathi ivela ekuzijabuliseni i-fantasy yami, esikhundleni sokugxila ezintweni zangempela ngesikhathi socansi.
Sekuyiminyaka, leyo fantasy yavela ngesikhathi socansi lapho ubulili bungafani neze nefantasy. Ukuxhumana kwami nabesifazane cishe bonke, ngokuyinhloko, kwakusitshekelwe umcabango wokuqala wokuthi 'uma lo engangivumela…' Le nganekwane kabili yangiletha phakathi nemizuzu eyi-10 yokuhamba ngokungathembeki emotweni. Ngiyayiyeka ichithe amakhulu amahora angenakuphikiswa.
Khumbula, imicabango nezithombe ezenza isitho sakho sangasese sigxume kungahle kube nje opopayi, imikhondo engahleliwe oyifakile izintambo ungahlosile ukwenza kusebenze imijikelezo yomvuzo wobuchopho bakho. Ingqondo yakho iyazazisa ngamanga izinkomba ezinjalo ngoba ikhipha amakhemikhali amakhemikhali athokozisayo, ngakho-ke iqhubeka itshengisa ukuthi udinga enye i-orgasm esekwe kumaphupho. Ngokuhamba kwesikhathi eside, noma kunjalo, ukwaneliseka kubonakala kungukuthi umkhiqizo wokulinganisa ubuchopho bezobuchopho, kanye nobudlelwane obuseduze (noma eziningi zokuxhumana komphakathi), kunokuba ubude be-orgasm. Lokhu kulula ukubona uma ubuchopho bakho bubuyiselwe emuva.
Yini eyasiza okwamanje? Ukuzivocavoca okunamandla, othintana naye enobungane, nsuku zonke ukuziphatha okuzibophezelayo nomngane wakho womshado, ukuzindla nsuku zonke, ukudansa, i-yoga yomlingani, isikhathi semvelo, ukudlala ukudlala noma ukukhathalela nomndeni kanye nezilwane ezifuywayo, ukusika emuva ushukela ne-caffeine, neminye imikhuba enhle yokuphila.
Ukucabanga ngocansi kubonakala kuyindlela eqinisekile yokwandisa injabulo yakho. Kodwa-ke uma i-angst yakho ikhula, ungafuna ukwaneliseka lapho kungatholakali khona. Ama-orgasms amaningi futhi ashisayo anikezela ukukhululeka okudlulayo, kepha awenelisi ngokuphelele noma isikhathi eside. Ngamafuphi, akuyona yonke i-orgasms efana nokudla okuyisisekelo. Abanye banokuningi okufana noFritos.
Uma usuvumele ubuchopho bakho bubuyele emuva, ungathola ukuthi i-orgasm ephindaphindiwe-umkhiqizo we-fantasy-free, ukuhlangana kwezinsizwa-kunciphisa ukukhungatheka kunokubhekwa kobulili obuyinkimbinkimbi. Ungakhathalela ngisho nokuzama okuningi indlela eqondile yokuthanda uthando.
Ukuhlanganiswa kwezimbangela (eqoqwe ngabesilisa ukuyeka izithombe ezingcolile)
Umbiko kaGuy ovela esithangamini
Ngiqale [ezinyangeni ezintathu ezedlule] Kube isihogo esisodwa sokuhamba nesikhwama semiphumela esixubekile - kepha ekugcineni konke bekukufanele. Lo ngumbiko wami.
Nginqume ukwenza lokhu ngemuva kokubona i-ED nenye yamantombazane amahle kakhulu engake ngawabona. Wayengene kimi kusukela ngosuku ahlangana nami ngalo. Siphume amahlandla ambalwa sagcina ngokulala. Lokhu akuhambanga kahle kangako. Sasiphuzile, futhi wagcina enza umsebenzi omningi. Ngakusasa ekuseni, wayefuna ukuphinde ahambe kodwa angikwazi ukukwenza. Ngangazi ukuthi kwase kuyisikhathi soshintsho.
I-Porn yayingakaze ibe yinto kimi. Ngangizifaka emibonweni yami futhi ngangikwenza izikhathi ezingu-1-2 ngosuku. Lokhu bekulokhu kwenzeka kusukela ngisafunda ibanga lesikole. Kwakunezikhathi (njengekolishi) lapho nganginezintombi futhi ukukhula kwakuzokwehla ngoba ngangizobekwa, kepha angikaze ngime ngokweqiniso. Eminyakeni eminingana edlule, ngangizizwa ngingaludingi ngempela ucansi ngakho-ke ngavele nganamathela ekufakweni.
Izinsuku ezimbalwa zokuqala azizange zibe nzima kunami. Ngokuphambene nalokho, amasonto ambalwa okuqala ayedlula. Ngesinye isikhathi ngeviki lesithathu, ngaqala ukubhekana nezimbangela zami. Ukucabanga kwami kwakuzofika emqondweni futhi umzimba wami ubuzocela i-orgasm. Ukulwa nalokhu kwakuthatha konke engangikukho. Njalo imizuzwana embalwa, kwadingeka ngiqondise kabusha imicabango yami. Kwakunonya, kepha kusebenza.
Esikhathini esithile ngemuva kwesonto lesine, ngaqala ukubona izinguquko ezithakazelisa kakhulu - ipipi lami libukeka likhulu. Angiqiniseki ngokuphelele ukuthi kungani. Igcwele ngokugcwele, iyindilinga, futhi ibukeka kahle. Izinga lamandla ami lingcono kunanini ngaphambili. Angazi ukuthi ngishaya izindonga, kepha nginale khono elingaphakathi lokuqhubekela phambili nomsebenzi, isikole, kanye neminye imisebenzi - kanti ngaphambili, bengilala kancane futhi ngidla amakhefu njalo.
Ngakwenza lokhu ngemodi eyinkimbinkimbi, kodwa ngisengisondelene namantombazane amaningana lapha nalapha, kodwa angizange ngibe nanoma yiziphi izidakamizwa.
Kukonke, ngingasho ukuthi lolu hambo belufanele impela. Imicabango yobulili enganginayo ayisekho - yimifanekiso efiphele yesikhathi esedlule engangithinti nakancane.
Ngangizitshele ukuthi ngingabuyela ekuphakameni ngemuva kwezinsuku ze-90, kodwa uyazi ukuthi yini - angizizwa ngiyidinga. Uma ngiqala ukufakela futhi ngingahle ngibuyele kuloyo mjikelezo ononya. Ngakho-ke, namhlanje ngithi cha ngiyabonga. Angizizwa ngidinga ukufakela. Ngicabanga ukuthi ngizoqhubeka ngithandane futhi ngiqhubeke nokuqhubekela phambili ngempilo yami entsha.
Amaphupho azophela futhi afe inqobo nje uma ungaqhubeki “
Esinye sezimbangela zami ezinkulu ngemuva kokuyeka izithombe zobulili ezingcolile kube yilezi zikhathi ezimbi, ezinye zazo zingahlala imizuzwana embalwa, kepha ezinye lapho ubuchopho bami "bungenzi lutho", njengalapho ngizama ukulala, futhi ngivame ukubandakanya imicabango emide eningiliziwe. Kuzoqabukela kuholele ekufakweni okugcwele okugcwele, (njengokuthambeka, noma lokho engingakubiza ngokuthi ingqondo-ukushaya indlwabu.
Ngisuku lwe-62 lokuqalisa kabusha kwami futhi ngokumangazayo amaphupho manje ayaphela, futhi ngicabanga ukuthi yizindlela zokulungiswa kobuchopho bami, futhi angikhaleli lowo squirt omncane weDopamine.
Ngandlela-thile kufana nokudedela “umngani wakudala”, engingamvakashela nabantu abangizungezile, futhi akekho noyedwa owake waba nomkhondo. Ezinyathelweni zami zokuqala zokuqalisa kabusha ngangisaya kuyo yonke leyo "ndawo ejabulisayo", noma ngangazi kangcono, kepha ngoba ngangicabanga iminyaka eyi-10 + kwakuyindawo enzima ukuyeka ukuvakasha.
Ngakho-ke kukhona okuncane kwe-melancholy lapha, kodwa manje ngiyaqaphela lokho ngoba bayaphela ukuthi ubuchopho bami (ekugcineni) ukuphulukisa.
Bengifuna nje ukwabelana ngale ntuthuko engiyibonayo! Uma noma ngubani omunye enezinkinga ezifanayo namaphupho, kungathatha isikhashana, kepha azobuna futhi afe inqobo nje uma ungaqhubeki “ubondla”!
UPDATES
- Ukuxilongwa okusemthethweni? Umbhalo wezokwelapha wezokwelapha osetshenziswa kakhulu emhlabeni, I-International Classification of Diseases (ICD-11), iqukethe ukuxilongwa okusha efanelekile ukulutha izidakamizwa: "Ukucindezeleka Ngokuziphatha Ngokwemvelo. "(I-2018)
- Ukulutha kobulili / ucansi? Leli khasi libala Ucwaningo lwe-39 lwe-neuroscience (I-MRI, i-FMRI, i-EEG, i-neuropsychological, i-hormonal). Banikeza ukusekela okuqinile ngesimodeli sokulutha kwezidakamizwa njengoba iziphumo zabo zibuyisa ukutholakala kwezinzwa ezibikiwe ezifundweni zokulutha izidakamizwa.
- Imibono yangempela yezobuchwepheshe ekubhekaneni nocansi / ucansi? Lolu hlu luqukethe Ukubuyekezwa kwezincwadi ezingama-16 zakamuva nezincazelo ngezinye zezazi eziphezulu zezinzwa emhlabeni. Bonke basekela imodeli yokulutha.
- Izimpawu zokulutha umlutha nokukhula kwezinto ezimbi kakhulu? Ngaphezulu kwezifundo ze-30 zokubika okutholakele okuhambisana nokwanda kokusetshenziswa kocansi (ukubekezelelana), ukujwayela i-porn, kanye nezimpawu zokuhoxa (zonke izimpawu nezimpawu ezihlobene nokulutha).
- Ukubheka iphuzu lokukhuluma elingasekelwa ukuthi "isifiso sobulili esiphakeme" sichaza ukulahla ucansi noma ukulutha ngokobulili: Okungenani izifundo ze-25 zikhohlisa isimangalo sokuthi ubulili nemilutha ye-porn "banesifiso esiphakeme sobulili"
- Izinkinga zobulili nezinkinga zobulili? Lolu hlu luqukethe izifundo ze-26 ezixhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn / ukubheja kocansi ezinkingeni zobulili kanye nokuvusa okuncane ezenzweni zobulili. I fiziqu ze-5 ezingekho ohlwini zibonisa ibangela, njengoba abahlanganyeli beqede ukusetshenziswa kwezingcolile kanye nokuphulukisa okungavamile kocansi.
- Imiphumela yocansi ebuhlotsheni? Ucwaningo oluseduze lwe-60 luxhumanisa ukusetshenziswa kwe-porn kuya ekungeneni kocansi nokuzaneliseka komndeni. (Njengoba sifana nathi konke Izifundo ezibandakanya abesilisa ziye zabika ukusetshenziswa okuningi kocansi okuxhunyiwe abampofu ubulili noma ukwaneliseka kobudlelwano.)
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