ED Recovery Stories 4
The following "ED recovery story" pages contain shorter accounts.
First of all, it bugs me when people don't supply their background info, so here is mine: I'm 30/m, a virgin, I've used porn for 12+ years, and I have issues with PIED. In other words, I have wounded myself more than many people here, so I think my story may help some guys.
For the longest time, I have struggled to give up PMO, but I've recently made a breakthrough in my addiction by not looking at porn in over a month. At this point, I don't even have a desire to look; however, I am still MOing now and then by using my imagination and not edging.
Despite the fact that I'm still MOing, I have noticed some significant changes: For one thing, my junk looks fuller and healthier than it has in a long time. Secondly, I am now waking up with MW and it's getting stronger every week. Thirdly, I'm actually getting hard again around normal women. For example, it happened the other day simply because an attractive friend of mine came over and sat next to me on the couch.
So how did I finally quit porn? After failing for 2+ years, I decided that I needed to take drastic action. I deleted all of my stash - every last bit of it. I also installed K9 on my computer and I use Comvigo on my phone.
The biggest help for me by far was installing K9 + Comvigo and giving the password info to someone I trust. K9 doesn't automatically block everything, so I made a list of all the extra sites that are a problem for me - even youtube and google images are on that list.
So does this mean you don't need to give up MO? Not necessarily. My PIED is not completely cured so I still plan on giving it up, but I think baby steps are helpful when you're not making any progress at all. That was my situation. I should also note that I am a big believer in self improvement, which has also helped me fight this addiction. I work hard to eat healthy, exercise regularly, and find other ways to improve my life.
My next step is to talk to a counselor, which is something that's not discussed around here very often. I think many of us are reluctant to talk to someone because our problem feels shameful. The truth is that counselors talk to guys like us ALL THE TIME. Porn addiction is a growing problem and it's something that many guys are seeking help with. So if you're struggling with your addiction, you may want to strongly consider talking to someone.
Lastly, I just want to remind everyone to stay strong and to remember that any progress is still progress. Don't beat yourself up too much when you relapse. You've only failed at your goal if you refuse to get back on the horse after a fall.
When medical science and doctors are telling the world that the only cure to ed is through either drugs, pumps or therapy while telling you masturbation is healthy and vital - these guys come out like mavericks and tell you it's down to porn use and mb.
This has helped me so much when nothing else would. I'm only 31 days in and I'm able to maintain solid erections at just the thought of something erotic. That's amazing progress from just a month ago feeling dead and limp. Thank you Underdog
I've been a fapper ever since I hit puberty, but after years of non-stop fapping I have decided to stop before this disease gets any further.
Although I have had some girlfriends, I was only sexually active with one, and fapping gave me reatarded ejeculation. I could go on for ages, but I never really felt it. Without a condom I could barely feel anything, porn was better than sex. My girlfriend would feel ashamed that she could not make her boyfriend cum. With a lot of effort, I would come but only after a long, very long handjob, not even penetration.
17 days of abstinence. Had sex today, could perform very well. I'm still not 100% cured, it's way too early in my reboot and my sensitivity down there is not entirely back, but I could cum and the sex definitely felt better than when I was still hooked on porn.
Stay focused guys! Stay strong!
I had sex with a girl today after 71 days of abstaining, felt really good and everything and had no problems with ED or ejaculating, so I guess I’m cured = DIf anyone’s interested I didn't do any O or P or m for those 71 days, I’ve been eating really well and I’ve been going to gym a lot.
My story is pretty similar to the ones you've heard already I'm sure, was having sex with a girl and when I went in for the penetration my erection would fail, almost immediately, interestingly though, when we doing foreplay I could maintain it, however, when she stopped stimulating me down there I would lose it. At the time I just put it down to "i just wasn't into it", and I thought it would be different next time or something. Even though i had lost my erection, I managed to keep this girl interested in me for seven months, and she became my girlfriend (probably cause I could still give her orgasms without the use of penetration). Through those seven months the same thing would happen every time, I would always lose my erection =/ and that suckedddd. I didn't understand what the hell was going on, and any time she asked me about it I would come up with a stupid excuse like, I not used to doing it with condoms or I guess I just don't know you well enough. I think it was the sixth month in that I found this stuff, I thought this could be the solution, but was way to embarrassed to tell her about it.
Then, around half way through the sixth month, I had the most uncomfortable night of my life, when she said "why is it not working??", and started saying "I've been with other guys and this doesn't happen with them". And that we might not have sex any more =[
Anyway, after that she found some other guy, and went off with him; I was devastated, but at least I had to go through all the that to get where I am now =]
Like you know, I had sex the two days ago (and did it again yesterday, with the same girl) and had a really enjoyable experience!! So yeah, really happy to sort this out, and never thought that porn could mess me up as much as it did
Sorry if this post was a bit longer than you expected, I've never been able to tell anybody that story, so it's nice to just be able to get it all out there, with guys that may have experienced something similar haha.
Thanks guys on the forum for your support, just knowing there's other people out there that were on a similar journey to me helped me a lot and I checked this forum very regularly. I wish you all success in sorting out this area of your life (y)
oh, and I am 21 btw, good luck ya all!! =]]]
[Day 34] Like every man whose story I have read here, I have grave doubts that I will ever heal or be able to function sexually. I do have to say that recently morning erections have been strong quite often, harder than I can ever remember them, erect in a 45 degree angle up relative to my body, rock solid. So that is good news.
I've been noticing something so I figured I'd mention it...
So I'm on day 69 now, and I'm healing a lot faster than I did my last reboot. I got 4 months from January to April back this Spring..
I anticipated it would take at least 4 months to get back to that level again.... I'm just a little over 2 months now, and I can already feel I'm way ahead of where I was at the 2 month mark this Spring.
So in case any of you have had relapses after a good, long streak.. Don't kill yourself, because if you're anything like me, the healing will be faster than it was the first time.
I'm Rewiring to Real Girls Naturally
Previously.. Even this last spring... I couldn't get hard from looking at girls in real life... But if you showed me anything BDSM related, I would be instantly hard. The last few weeks, I've noticed I'm actually wiring to girls just by being around them.
I feel like there's an instinctual part of us, deep down inside our psyche that makes sure we are wired to real girls. I think it's just a matter of quitting PMO and letting nature take it's course.
I can now get an erection just from looking at real girls. This really motivates me, shows the process is working. Overtime I hope to kill off the BDSM pathways and wire completely to real girls.
just wanted to share my progress so far.. Feels like it's been forever but 69 is days nothing.
Sex - back to normal, pre-ED
So, Today I had sex and for the first time for a long time it was as in good old times! (2 erections and orgasm in an hour, first one quick and no good for penetration and the second one good for penetration and I could control it, very short break between those two). Yeah!
This significant improvement even compared to sex I had 3 weeks ago (2 erections and orgasm in an hour, first one quick and no good for penetration and the second was good for penetration but I couldn’t keep it hard with the rubber on, without it it stayed nice and hard as long as I wanted). I just used a little wine and Redbull, but I don't think any of those helped me in ways other than placebo.
What have I done differently? Lots of hugging, kissing and caressing my partner’s body, forgetting my penis and focusing on her. I also had only 2 orgasms in last 7 days, and last one 2 days before intercourse.
After sex because all the high I get from it I was expecting withdrawal, so I met with a friend not to be by myself. I was expecting withdrawal because it was very intense, I had 2 orgasms and well, I paid for it. A company of friend helped a little bit, but after I came back to my place an intense feeling of sadness followed, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Post-coital_tristesse . But even in the middle of this sadness I knew, that the ecstasy I had experienced was greater than the sadness, not mentioning confirmation that I'm sexually healthy again. I took a nap and when I woke up the sadness was gone and I feel normal.
So, even though my penis is OK that’s not the end of journey! I'm still a porn addict and I'm still far from overcoming it. I guess I also try to practice Karezza and I'll try to figure out how to do one orgasm out of two.
Thank you Gary and Marnia for amazing websites full of useful resources!
That is all. This happened all in the last 30 days. Had more confidence, more focus. Met an awesome girl, we totally hit it off, there was no tension. Had sex last night and it was awesome. Had some sensitivity issues from years of fap but finished the job.
So...do I reset my badge now or what?
[A couple of months after quitting porn] I have noticed that things are getting better for me overall regarding ED issues. I used to need a Viagra to get going and this past weekend I didn't need to take one. I'm fully aware of the slippery slope of Viagra use so it was a definite positive sign in my books. I can confidently say that being able to relax fully (as a result) while sharing a very intimate moment together is crucial to enjoying it fully and responding properly. That's always been my ultimate problem in the past, not being able to let go. The difference I have noticed being with her as apposed to past girlfriends is that we make love the same way, slowly and with a lot, and I mean a lot of touching.
I met an attractive woman, we clicked, got along and well, we intercourse. The moment was there and it happened. Despite performance problems with three prior efforts, I had no problems whatsoever this time. I was surprised I was able to get to attention so fast and for so long. Didn’t lose my erection or anything like that. The experience was very wonderful, and I had no problems whatsoever at all. For me, giving up masturbation as well as porn was the key to recovery. It is worth the wait guys. It’s worth the resistance and willpower to avoid P&M as much as you can.
FUCK YEAH FINALLY
[Day 39] Most people seem to last a few days extremely horny and then flatline, but this wasn't really the case for me; I never really had either. Instead, my horniness has been very, very slowly increasing.
By around day 25 I began to get 'morning wood' again (I wake up in the night with a boner sometimes, but never once have I had one in the morning, I guess that's just me but I don't really see it as an issue - it still shows my erectile health is there). However, this stopped completely for about a week, showing that recovery is most definitely not linear, but restarted after that. I've even had a couple of spontaneous erections, albeit weak ones.
My libido has been slowly increasing, and I've been noticing the mental changes other people document: I no longer view women as objects, I enjoy their company more and I'm laughing for the first time in 2 years. However, I do get extreme mood swings now and again but I guess it's all a part of it. My libido's had a couple of dramatic peaks over this course which is a sign of my rebalancing I hope.
To sum up, I've had a return of morning wood since I stopped PMO and fantasy (plus I'm also trying to stay away from the visual stimuli video games offer) and feel better about the world and about myself. There have been improvements, but at some points my libido is still so low I feel there's no way I could rely on it for an erection during sex. I'm gonna wait until 80 days, with regular updates on here, and then see how I feel.
I think what everyone needs to do is be patient I have recovered from this before and lapsed back into the P/M, and it had a bad effect again. More recently though I’ve been off a month and i won't go back, it just isn't worth it anymore. What is the most important thing?
You have to be patient. Stop testing yourself. Your libido will disappear for a while. How long i really don't know. Every person is different, but you just have to stay committed. IT WILL WORK!! Just promise yourself you'll never go back to Porn again.
Don’t get discouraged if you find the Porn thoughts still there, regardless there still going to be cues for a while, even after you've recovered. Just get through them. One day your mind will reset itself. I know it’s tough, but if you constantly worry, and think, and test yourself constantly you'll be doing more harm than good.
I’m sure you probably want to go out this weekend, or the next and talk to women, but you’re worried you’re not as aroused. You feel you’re missing out on life, like you can't go out. It’s frustrating, yes. Just accept the fact things aren't going to work this week, the next, maybe for several weeks. But don't let that get you down. If you stay committed sure in the short term its gonna be tough, but think long term, think 6 weeks from now, 2 months. When things start to look up. It will all be worth it. Just focus on the long term goal!
Day 79 - cured. first sex EVER
I want everyone to know that I've NEVER had successful intercourse with a girl. I tried 5 times with 5 different girls. Every single one was both embarrassing and devastating. The last failed attempt was the worst. I had abstained from pmo for 6 weeks, but fell back into it again. I would make it 2 weeks and then binge. This went on for around 2 months. Somewhere in there I tried having sex with a girl, I hoped since Id abstained from pmo for that 6 week period I would be able to maintain an erection. Nope. That freaked me out. I was abusing porn so much less, and it still wasn't working. That's when I decided no more. At that point I cut out everything; fantasy, TV, trash internet.
After 79 days, I finally had sex. It was AWESOME. No problems at all. My date last Sunday ended up going until just a few hours ago lol. The girl is amazing. I was ready for more in the morning, but we had no condoms.
Anybody can do this. I didn't even have any positive experiences in my past to aim for. I was going through this thing blind. The bullshit I dealt with is hard to put into words. Hopeless, sad, confused, jealous of everyone else because they had normal sex drives. HOCD plagued my mind. Seriously, even though a lot of my posts were positive and optimistic, there was always a nagging in the back of my mind that wasn't sure.
But this works. Stop watching porn. Get out there. Keep your head up. I first started experimenting with abstaining last November. So it took me almost a year to get to this point. But I'm here. And I'm a new person now. It's so f'ing worth it. Thanks so much to everyone, especially Marnia and Gary for giving us all a place to vent and express what we can't to anybody in real life.
Also, I slipped and pmo'd twice on day 69. That's 10 days ago. It barely even phased me. So take your 'relapses' lightly. Honestly, I feel like last relapse helped me realize that I was ready to move on to the real thing. No I'm not saying go jack off to porn. I'm just demonstrating that relapses aren't the end of the world.
Good luck to all you guys getting started. You got this shit.
Its been some time now since my last update here...
Guys you can beat this. If you read my previous posts you will know I was a somewhat severe case of this porn induced ED. I couldn’t see the light and thought I will never have a normal life. I’ve been having this problem pretty much all of my life and I’m 29 now. The thing I regret the most was not finding this thread before, really, this would have save me soo much pain (especially the last couple of years was hell for me).
In my last post I said I was devastated (truth) because I tried to have sex and only got half hard even with serious stimulation (oral, hand). Well, the last couple of weeks, I’ve been having rock hard erections with girls. It’s amazing, these are the best erections of my life. I still can’t say I’m cured for sure, as you always have this in the back of your mind. I will be completely sure in a few months time.
In fact I’m having the complete opposite problem now. I’ve been having some degree of premature ejaculation. When in my porn days, whenever I could get it up (ED drugs most of the time) i could go for hours, and many times I couldn’t even come at all. Now it’s like I’m having sex for the first time. I will start some Kegel exercises, and the start/stop method. Anybody in recovery having the same problem? Still, this problem is a blessing compared with the ED one.
Anyway, as I wanted to hear it from people recovering, YOU CAN BEAT THIS, if you commit to the program, you can. I had one porn/orgasm slip up, and a couple of M/O ones, but that didn’t set me back to square one. You just have to keep going. This is too damn important to give up. It may take more time than others. It may take a couple of disappointments (like what happened to me), not everyone is the same. But YOU WILL GET YOUR ERECTIONS BACK IF YOU GIVE UP PORN FOR GOOD!!
Yesterday was the last day of the 90 day challenge I set up for myself. I thought it would never arrive. However, after having time to look back over the last 90 days, I will have to say that I feel like a different man. I now have a regular gym routine and am in some of the best shape of my life and still working at it. My confidence is higher than it was before. I'm not as afraid to speak up or to other people.
Am I completely cured, who knows? I'm not even sure if I'm completely cured. My libido still has its up and down days and I'm starting to have morning wood more regularly now. However sexually, I felt like I never felt before. My entire body feels alive sexually. I feel like I have a new playground to explore on my own or with someone else. Porn doesn't interest me anymore in the least bit. I'd never planned to give up masturbation completely, but I've definitely have learned when my body needs release compared to doing it out of boredom. I will admit I did masturbate this morning and it was amazing. Another goal for my going 90 days was to regain the sensitivity in my penis from too tight of a grip masturbating. It’s definitely returned, which I'm very happy about.
Now that I have completed 90 days, I'm sure the healing process will continue. I've learned masturbation is no ways a big deal as some people make it out to be. It has its place and time. I look forward to see where I will be in the next 90 days. I feel that I'm just starting to come into sexual self for the first time at the age of 29 and can't wait to see what the future holds. Thanks for all of this great information. I will keep checking in on it in the future and learning from others experiences.
My Formula to Success
It took me six months to fully recover and that is because I still occasionally masturbated (4 times in 6 months) and had sex (anytime my penis could work). Anytime I had a little progress I would “waste” it by having sex with my girlfriend. I started in March and with this formula by June, I still wasn’t completely right. I then decided to open up to my girlfriend about my situation. This is where my progress really took off. Being able to communicate with her something that I had never told anyone really set me free. I told her if we ever want to have a normal sexual relationship then she would have to stick it out with me. She agreed. So in June already being 9 weeks out of P&M, the O part was keeping me back. So I formed a new idea, I started having sex with her but I wouldn’t orgasm. That was an awesome compromise as it allowed her to be satisfied sexually while allowing me to heal. By the end of July my erections were starting to correspond to what my mind wanted. This was after 4 weeks of no orgasm. I then started “orgasming” 1x/wk with her, then 2x/wk, then 3x/wk. This took me all the way through August. By the beginning of September I was able to have sex with her everyday whenever I wanted. I can have sex with her now on command. I just have a confidence in my penis and know the erections will come. That is an awesome feeling! I had plenty of setbacks where my penis would be working fine one week then the next it was lifeless. This didn’t discourage me though, only motivated me. Just be confident in the fact that, this is 100% fixable. That kept me going.
Positive Side Effects I Have Noticed:
- More confidence in general.
- I can look at a girl who has a low cut shirt or tight jeans on and truly get turned on.
- It has turned me into a much better person socially.
- Less social anxiety, depression, helplessness.
- It has also given me the confidence to know that I can get through any tough situation
Quitting porn is so worth it. This is the best decision I have ever made in my life. I’m telling all of you I thought this feeling would be good, but never knew it’d be this good! I can only imagine how impenetrable my sexual prowess will be a year from now. I’ll post again then too as the future looks very bright for me. When I was reading what I wrote in March it felt as if I was reading something that a different person wrote. This is when I knew my mind had changed and I was rebooted. To all of those people out there I am living proof. You really only need 8 weeks of no PMO. 2 months of no PMO in order to have your manhood back sounds like a pretty sweet deal to me. I’m only 23 and was fortunate enough to realize I had a problem. Do not waste your youthful sexual exuberance on a computer screen. I hope this helps everyone out, as I know this blog helped me out 6 months ago. Good Luck! I hope to hear many more success stories.
I never really thought I'd make it here. Well, I thought I would, just that it wouldn't take me this long to do it.
I've been with /r/nofap since it's inception as simply a challenge to see if you could go a week without grabbing your junk. I didn't join simply for the challenge though. I'd struggled with ED for a long time; I saw how it affected multiple partners. I'd lived through watching them cry, thinking it was something wrong with them. I knew porn and jerking off was screwing with my brain and body, but I couldn't stop. Then the challenge came along.
I latched onto this place like a suckerfish. Before we had badges, we had a spreadsheet to track people's results. You bet your ass I jumped onto that and ran it. But I never competed. I kept screwing up, spiraling back out of control. "Well, maybe next week I'll start," I'd tell myself. And it was a lie. I'd make it up to 2 weeks every once in a while, but never longer.
So what changed? Well, I saw results the longer I abstained. I had a girlfriend at the start, and by God, if I had gone 2 weeks without PMO, she was the hottest thing around. Just looking at her sent the blood surging down below. But I still wasn't quite right. I'd still fall back into my PMO ways.
Spring exams rolled around, and I guess something finally clicked. I didn't have time to fap; my scholarship was on the line. So I made it through those 3 weeks. Might as well keep going, I told myself. Then the girlfriend and I broke up. Shit.
I could've spiraled back out of control, but for once, I knew it wouldn't change anything. I kept at it. I won't lie, I went through some very dark times, and I seriously considered fapping for that brief instance of happiness. But I didn't.
Fast forward to now. I still have days where I don't feel right, but I'm finally understanding what a functional sex drive is like. I can't even pretend to say that I understand people any better than before, but I do feel like I've gotten to know myself some. And that feels pretty good.
I still have my porn problems. I looked at some the other day, at day 83. That sucked. I had days where I...I dunno, missed it? So that's still a struggle. But damn, it feels good to have one part of my life under control.
I thought I may rub one out today, but what's the point? Thanks for the community, /r/NoFap. If you've got any questions, shoot them my way. I can't promise I'll answer right away, but I'll make sure to answer everyone.
(Day 62) Every time I have been with a girl for the first time/one-night-stand I have either experienced not being able to orgasm or not being able to get an erection. Last night (and this morning..haha) none of that was an issue at all. And yes, I had been drinking last night and was sober the morning - so it checks out in both cases. Nofap works! :)
Discovered this subreddit the other day. Never been a redditor otherwise, actually. So, here's my story:
I was one of those kids who grew up outwardly living "no sex til marriage," and I did just that. However, ever since I was a teenager, I had definitely been addicted to PMO. Marathon sessions at night, figuring out how to game Internet browser history so it didn't look like I was doing anything illicit (parents had caught me a few times and my college monitored for it). You know, just that sort of protracted edging that makes climax ultimately painful just because you've been at it so long--like your wang is saying "uncle."
Anyhow, I had been going out with a girl I met freshman year, who I told early on about the problem but also told that it was behind me. Well, it was... at that moment. Right after starting college, I lasted maybe two, three months. It crept back into my life, and I lied to her about it. She specifically asked me if I was using, and I denied it.
Eventually, I got caught, which led to a little rehabilitation program the school puts on in lieu of any academic punishment. Asshole that I am, I proposed to my girlfriend before I told her about this. She was devastated but eventually forgave me, and the wedding plans were on.
Of course, I started using before the wedding, which led to the obvious issue: ED. We were both virgins, and I couldn't even penetrate until the third day of our honeymoon. It was embarrassing. I was so stressed out by it, I noticed when I peed, it wasn't all coming out at once. I would just let out a little bit and literally 20 seconds later feel like I had to go again. I spent hours of our honeymoon just sitting on the toilet waiting for the next spurt.
We thought maybe I had a UTI since we were new to sex. Went to the ER to have some tests done. Nothing. Doc says it's just stress.
I knew in the back of my head that PMO was the real problem, but I had no idea how profound the ED from that really is. Wasn't until years later that I heard of anyone else who had the same problem, so I figured it was some medical issue--possibly related to fapping too much or too long in my teen years, because the symptoms coincided with that urinary stuff.
So we move into our first apartment. I reboot by necessity, as we don't have the Internet and I likely get kicked out of school if I get caught again. Still, I'm able to have sex at best three times a week. And, as I'm her first, too, she's frustrated as fuck because she figures I should be a horny toad all day every day. It turns into complaints which turns into nagging which turns into resentment, which leads me back to porn. We borrow the neighbor's wi-fi for something we "need" to do; within weeks I'm back to it. Limited, since it's hard to hide from her, living in the same place with the same school schedule, but I manage. The cancer is back.
Then we graduate and move. It obviously gets worse and she eventually finds me out. It's infuriating to her; I use a high-capacity flash drive that contains our wedding pictures to take mp4s from her laptop to my desktop in the basement, which I've disconnected from the Internet so I'll be productive and not tempted (wink, wink). And, of course, all this time, she's asked me if I've been using and I've denied it. So when she finds out, everything goes to shit.
I do everything I can to reconcile. I quit my job and move with her to her hometown so she can be closer to family. We draft up a list of goals together so I can put this behind me. We go through every single character flaw I have and put it on paper along with a solution. And when we move I do abstain, but I'm still not able to perform. She doesn't understand. She gets frustrated again. She wants to separate.
And separate we do. She starts sleeping with other guys to find out what normal sex is like. I start using again. I check out a second urologist (at our previous town, the one I went to just shoved a camera up my urethra and said everything looked fine. Worst pain I've ever been in) and get a few tests of the pee thing. Some things are off, like my bladder not always emptying and my flow peaking multiple times (they have urinals with sensors that measure the velocity of your piss).
Eventually she says she wants a divorce, and I'm hurt and depressed enough to agree. That was over a year ago.
I meet a new girl and start to think to myself maybe the problem was that my ex-wife was such a nag that that was the real psychological block to arousal. This girl is far more experienced and understanding, encouraging when it comes to performance issues. Nope. Still happened. I end up using porn because of other relationship issues with her (a nightmare--didn't last long). When that ends, I move, and being alone again leads to endless binging.
I discovered NoFap yesterday and started the challenge. Didn't register until today. I've had so many "never again" moments and relapses, it's hard to have faith this thing can be conquered. But I've never been able to find a support group like this before. So here's hoping.
Cliffs of my situation:
ages 16-26 consisted of frequent and unhealthy porn habits. I never really escalated the types of porn - I've always stuck to simple straightforward videos that I like, but I would go through the routine of browsing a TON of this one type. Opening bunches of tabs, repeating multiple times a day etc. Earlier this year started dating a girl and experienced some ED issues. Read all I could on YBOP and realized had to reboot. Went 45 Days with no PMO (well 45 days no PM, 30 days no O). ED issues went away. Went with occasional porn use afterwards - though not often because of healthy sex life with girlfriend. Then in late august had a few days where I binged pretty hard. ED is still gone, but can see some signs of it returning - reached point again where could no longer masturbate without porn and even with porn became difficult to find something 'good enough', so I'm dumping the porn again for a while.
Background: I'm 22 years old. I started masturbating at the age of 11 or 12 and since then, I would go at it at least 5 times a week(that's the minimum sometimes much more than that). Sometimes it would be aided by porn and sometimes just imagination. I've had sex with 7 different participants and hooked up with ~14. Due to my constant masturbation, I wasn't able to cum from anything but sex and incredible blow jobs outside of my masturbation. Also, I tried this no fap once before but caved in after a week or so because I saw an incredibly attractive lady on the front page.
First thing I've noticed, I have more energy and no longer feel the need to take as many naps as I used to. I have much more time on my hands (hah) which I occupy with extracurricular activities because of the lack of naps and jerkin'. I've been going to the gym much more. I've become more cleanly and concerned with looking good to the outside world. I feel more confident with my ability to do things. The biggest draw was that I found an incredible lady who is interested in me and enjoys my nerdy qualities. Now, here is a disclaimer towards this whole no fap thing. I've always been able to get it up in the situation, but due to my lack of sensitivity from 10-11 years of fapping, I was unable to attain an orgasm from her (we haven't had sex yet, but we've done everything but.). So, I would get off on her chest, but I found this to be a little different than typical masturbation because, ya know, it's with a chick and if she's telling you to cum on her chest, you fucking do it. That was the beginning and middle of my journey. Then, at like 80-some days, I was able to achieve orgasm from her efforts only. It was glorious and the biggest load of my life. Since then, no problem, I get off from her efforts only. For some reason, I have been much more in touch with my emotions than I had before and I have been feeling things for the first time in such a long time.
Here are just a few ( hope to get alot of input from you guys):
KEY: Then vs Now
-I wasnt intersted in women at all and I never became horny in their presences VS now I feel horny all the time around them, I fantasize about real women and I want to be sexual with
-Consistent MO made me feel drained of energy and motivation and hurt my penis like hell VS now my penis feels like its should, not drained and constantly hurting due to death grips
-Because I wasnt interested in women (just pornography), my body didnt send the right cues in order to attract them. I didnt try to impress them through body language, vocal tone, confidence VS now since I AM more interested in women, I find that my body instinctively wants to impress women through alpha male body language (standing with feet apart, chest out), my vocal tone is deeper, my gazes are deeper more intense and penetrative
-Before I viewed women as just sex objects and didnt particularly want to connect with them (I didnt see the benefit of this). My brain was constantly clouded with porn images and my penis was always drained. I wanted sex at anytime just for the sake of it even though I knew it wouldnt be fulfilling. I just wanted to fuck the brains out of any girl again just for the sake of it. VS Ha well while that still holds true, I value connecting with women now and getting to know them as unique human beings which makes sex that much more better and intimate.
Please guys, just a thread to show those who are flatlining and those who lose sight why they should never turn back. Keep it going!
For me it's simple. Constant PMO meant for years that I couldn't get or stay hard during sex. And even on a rare occasion when I did succeed in getting hard, I wouldn't enjoy the sex because I'd be nervous as hell that I would lose it and I would have to run images of porn through my brain just to stay aroused. It was distant, empty sex and I felt like shit because of it.
Earlier this year I stopped porn for a while, and for the first time in my life I had good sex and I had it consistently. For the first time I actually enjoyed sex and felt confident about it. I felt intimate with my partner rather than numbed out and distant. All my anxiety around sex just kind of washed away.
For me, being able to have great sex and not rely on two dimensional women to get off in a cheap, empty way is more than enough to justify the challenge of leaving porn addiction behind.
Before no fap I'd had a string of relationships that all failed due to the fact i couldnt get it up. Im only 20 and didn't have the balls to go to the doctors. I didn't realise i'd had a masturbation problem, but I decided I'd give it a go, with literally no expectations. Well for the 4th night of 7 I slept with a beautiful girl.
Reason for this post? Yes I had flatlines, but you WILL get through it. I havent had any other of the effects, but honestly I couldn't care less. I'm so happy with the results that allow me to FINALLY have a sex life. I now fantasize about going around to hers, rather than dreading it like i used to.
I reccomend anyone to give it a go. I know some people try and fail (I was lucky and never so far have even considered relapsing) but I really think the payout is worth it, especially if ED is a problem for you