Tools For Change: Recovery from Porn Addiction

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The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new.” – Socrates

For many, leaving a porn addiction behind involves changing several aspects of their lives. Willpower and "white knuckling" are rarely sufficient to recover from this addiction. While we don't have a " recovery program" at YBOP, this section contains suggestions and tools employed by those who successfully rebooted. The links at the bottom of the page contain many sub-links. Also see the support tab for sites and therapists that do have recovery programs.

1) Gain a clear understanding of how porn has affected your brain and why you need to rewire your brain and return your reward circuitry to normal sensitivity.

With a clear understanding of how you became addicted, what occurred in your brain, and how healing progresses, you are better prepared to steer your own course to recovery.

 2) Understand rebooting and what it entails.

Hurry

  • The best way to understand rebooting is to read the stories of other who have recovered from porn addiction and porn-induced ED. You will find numerous rebooting accounts here, and many links to accounts of porn-induced ED and recovery on the ED-FAQ page.
  • See Rebooting Advice & Observations for pages of tips, advice, and motivation from those who have been there.
  • Rebooting is our term for taking a time out to recover from porn addiction and associated symptoms, including erectile dysfunction and porn-induced sexual fetishes. If you are addicted to porn, your brain has undergone the same fundamental physiological and structural changes that all drug and behavioral addictions share: desensitization, sensitization, and hypofrontalityPorn addiction may affect the innate sexual centers and circuits of the brain, as evidenced by porn-induced ED, DE, loss of libido, and a flatline during withdrawal.
  • The quickest way to reboot is to give your brain a rest from artificial sexual stimulation—porn, porn fantasy and masturbation. Most guys eliminate or drastically reduce orgasms during their reboot period. There are no hard rules as everyone is in a different situation. On the other hand, sensual contact with a real person can be beneficial, as long as you don't fantasize about porn.
  • With your brain in balance you will find it much easier to avoid the lure of mind-altering habits and substances. Please note that for those with porn-induced ED, Internet porn is the addiction and the cause of ED, not masturbation or orgasm. However, temporarily eliminating masturbation and orgasm may be the way to go as it initiates a withdrawal, un-wires porn from masturbation, reduces cravings, and most important - works.
  • Rebooting seems to involve the reversal of tow distinct brain changes -  desensitization and sexual conditioning (sensitization). As you reboot your brain will return to its prior sensitivity which allows you to feel arousal and satisfaction more normally.
  • Addiction leads to the strengthening of sensitized "go for it" neural pathways, and weakening of rational "let's think about this" neural pathways. There's a tug of war between the craving pathways (sensitization) and your executive control, which resides in your frontal cortex. Weakened frontal cortex pathways (hypofrontality) lose the tug of war to cravings, resulting in your being unable to control use. It takes time for your brain to return to normal. See - Unwiring and Rewiring.

3) Converting your computer to an ally

Do you think it's a good idea for a recovering alcoholic to spend his/her free time hanging out in bars? Since you are hanging out on the Net, you may want to employ more than sheer willpower. It can be easier to reboot if you block porn from your computer (or at least images) for a while. When porn is available at a click, its looming presence can produce intense inner conflict, and stress makes relapse more likely.

4) Replace porn use with naturally rewarding activities.

support helps porn addiction recoveryAs you select the tools you feel drawn to work with, keep in mind that humans are tribal, pair-bonding primates. Our brains didn't evolve to regulate mood very well when we're not interacting with others. That is, it's normal to feel anxious when you are isolated. I suggest reading this post by host of YourBrainRebalanced.com - My Thoughts On Rebooting.

Unfortunately, heavy porn users often find they don't feel like socializing. They may even have developed intense anxiety at the very thought of socializing. Nevertheless, as soon as they can, they benefit from finding ways to connect with others even if they have to push themselves. If you're shy, give extra attention to the tips under Tools to Connect With Others. Once off of porn, their brains soon rediscover some of the prime natural rewards that they evolved to thrive on: soothing close, trusted companionship and regular, affectionate touch. Read users' comments about social improvements.

When you remove one source of dopamine (porn) it's vitally important to replace it with other, healthy sources of dopamine. As you consider which additional tools to try, keep in mind that heavy porn use is actually a synthetic substitute for the activities that naturally help keep your brain in balance. Not surprisingly, the most common tools employed include exercise, time in nature, creative activities, meditation, healthy diet, and socializing. Some of these naturally rewarding activities you can do by yourself, while others require human interaction. Therefore the Tools are split into two groups.

Said one guy:

I noticed when I want to stop a habit, it's stupidly hard, but I realized that displacing a habit with another is much easier. Find the root of the problem and displace one habit with another entirely to fill the basic root need. The "I don't want something" versus the "I want something", what a subtle semantic! Yet how so deep and important it is!

5)  Counseling

  • In addition to rebooting, people sometimes need professional help to work through particularly stubborn old patterns. Persistent rage, shame, grief, abandonment, or depression can signal that counseling would be helpful. If you seek help from a therapist, you may want to educate him/her first about some of the symptoms heavy porn users are reporting.

Porn addiction recovery IS possible6) Other websites and forums

  • Under the support button you will find many other websites, forums and support groups.  A support group is a great way to form close, sincere friendships. Recovering users benefit enormously from regular blogging, exchanging tips and support with others. Many of the sites have forums, meetings and recovery programs. If you are looking for a very active forum, you may want to visit the rapidly growing yourbrainrebalanced, or the "fapstronauts" at NoFap subreddit and NoFap.in. "No fap" refers to no masturbation, but most members seem to be unhooking from Internet porn.

6) Frequently Asked Questions

  • Our FAQ section answers most of the questions that naturally arise and contains tips and suggestions.
  • Skim Rebooting Advice & Observations for pages of tips, advice, and motivation from those who have been there.

"OK, but where do I start?"

Advice from forum members:

Browse the appropriate articles on YourBrainOnPorn

  • Delete stash
  • Destroy all physical porn (DVDs, magazines)
  • Install an Internet porn blocker and put it on the strictest settings. Put in a password that you don't have memorized, write it down and put it in a difficult place to retrieve.
  • Try to limit computer time, and if you experience a trigger or a serious urge, then shut off your computer and do a pre-set activity that you will now be your "go-to" porn replacement activity. Choose something positive and healthy: chess, exercise, eat a salad, study a language etc.
  • Stop masturbating for as long as you can stand. If you must masturbate, then do it without porn.
  • Continually update your journal with your experiences insights.
  • If you do use porn again, don't give up.
  • Do whatever it takes to stay away from porn and do quit masturbating for as long as possible.
  • Resist the urge to "test" yourself with porn. That can send you right back into it.
  • DO NOT!!! LISTEN TO YOUR BRAIN! If you're gonna reboot, then do it and ignore all rationalizations. After two months or so, you can think whatever you want as far as "Does it really work?" or "Should I continue?"

Said one young guy three weeks into his reboot:

It's strange! I never imagined that stopping this addiction would open up so many other doors and help me in other aspects of life. I always envisaged it would just be my sex life that would see positive changes.

I think after this experience I'm going to take the careful-gardener approach to my reward circuitry. It has been very eye-opening to say the least. It feels like the changes to other aspects of my life are taking place before noticeable libido changes happen—almost as though my brain is building new perceptions and sensations so that when my libido returns it will be back with a bang.

Let us know what worked for you, what didn't, and why. (After registering, "add new comment" below any item.) Also feel free to share your own suggestions and refinements.

Comments

He said:

The way I understand it (and this is based largely off of the YourBrainOnPorn.com website) is that you're best off avoiding both pornography and masturbation for a while to allow your brain to "reboot". The common number thrown around is 90 days.

The idea is that years of viewing pornography has etched out a very strong neural pathway in your brain that is currently the easiest way for you to receive large amounts of dopamine from sexual stimulation (which is basically what the feeling of being excited is).

Every time that you watch pornography, especially if you are watching dozens of different videos or more extreme stuff that is hyper stimulating your brain, this pathway is just growing stronger and stronger. Rebooting your brain means letting this pathway fade away through lack of use and also refers to regeneration of D2 dopamine receptors in your brain, thus allowing you to experience a more "natural" sexual response to real life sexual situations.

The fear is that, at the beginning of giving up pornography, if you masturbate, your mind will naturally wander to a place where it knows it can get off, i.e. this pornography pathway. Even though you might not be watching porn itself, you might find yourself fantasizing about some of your favorite scenes in order to achieve orgasm, and this is just reinforcing that same problematic pathway again.

This is obviously anecdotal, but in the past when I have attempted to give up pornography, I always continued to masturbate. This led to me doing exactly what I describe above: using pornographic mental images to help me achieve orgasm. This would then lead to a predictable pattern: after a while, pure fantasy wasn't enough and I would allow myself to read stories or even /r/sex. Then that wasn't enough and I would allow myself images only, but no videos. Then of course I would find myself watching videos again, trying to keep it to pretty vanilla stuff at first, but this pattern would always inevitably end with me in a massive binge, often looking at very extreme material and feeling like total shit about it, which is the worst thing of all because feelings of shame also reinforce the pathway.

This time, I decided to give up both porn and masturbation due to what I read on YourBrainOnPorn.com, and the experience is completely different. I am still tempted often, especially when morning wood strikes, but I see these as opportunities to actively re-wire my brain, to allow that porn pathway to slowly die off by not giving in.

HOWEVER, with all that having been said, if you do end up giving in, try to focus all of your mental energy on the actual good sensations of masturbation and avoid thinking about any porn as much as possible. It's not the ideal, but it's much better than potentially pushing yourself off the top of a slippery slope.

I'm on day 12 of my reboot and my morning wood had already come back pretty strong. Other than that I'm lifeless for most of the day but I've been surprised how much improvement I have noticed compared to day 4 or 5. Still, it is very early for me and I plan to continue on the reboot path until mid January. I'm trying to apply this new will power to my eating habits as well but haven't been successful yet. Routine is everything as this website proves. Still, I am extremely motivated now that I understand what the problem is. Thank god for that French study and this site!

-S.

I'm on day 13 of my reboot.. day bfore yesterday i had bad dream which resulted in wetting my pants. i didnt fantasize any thing by myself. it happened without my consciousness.. Will this have any effect in my recovery process.. I've been using porn to its extreme level for 4 years...And i have ED.

There's nothing you can do about it. I have no idea how they affect the recovery process. Take a long term view.

Severe Tapering off porn, no masturbation, no orgasm.I feel change coming.Even the way i perceive things and women.More horny.MUCH More.But guys i neeed your support, thats why i have been registered.Giving me courage.Yesterday it was the most difficult day.I was waiting for my account to be approved and i was wondering "will i hold?"

As you can see from the dates and quantity, posts are few and far between. Click on the support tab and the first two forums are very well versed in the material from yourbrainonporn.

Good luck on your reboot.

Hey guys,
Well this is extremely disappointing but I'm back where I started. My reboot went really well as I went 87 straight days without porn or masterbation. The problem was that once I decided to masterbate again I orgasmed so quickly in relation to what I had done previously that I was afraid of becoming a premature ejaculator. Thus, I thought I should start masterbating a few times a week to ensure that wouldn't happen. That eventually led to too much masterbation and then my porn habit took over again. Also, I did not improve my eating habits along with laying off the old bad habits so I thought, "What's the difference? I'm out of shape anyway so I can't get an attractive girl." As of this second I will start my second and FINAL reboot and I will be posting on this site more than ever. To be honest, I don't think I can refrain from my old bad habits without this site. It was after I got my sensitivity back that I stopped coming here and fell back into bad habits. Well, now I'm back where I started but this time I'm going to do it right. I never quite reached 90 days last time so this time that's the new goal. By June 27th I will have acheived it and this time there's no going back.

-S.

Those addiction pathways got you again. That's OK, should be easier the second time around. A good number of guys fall back into it. Maybe this article on addiction pathways, called sensitization will be informative - Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner?

good luck

 

Hey guys,
I'm actually quite new in this site and have learned about this site for about a month now. After reading many of the articles found in this site, I started associating my porn-induced ED problem in real life with the stories being told. To give some background to me, I sarted masturbation (no porn) at the age of 13. I would remember jerking off with different objects in order get the sensation that it's not me who's doing it.

That is when a few years later, I then started watching porn online (no masturbation, didn't wanna risk being caught by my parents!). So I would watch for a while, then head to the bathroom and rub one out. Shortly, I started dating girls (age 15) and forgot all about jerking it (I lost my virgnity at that age!). After breaking up with this girl, I started dating many other girls in my teens and hardly ever watched porn. Until, I got serious with a girl at age 20. When with this girl, I would have sex during weekdays, and when she would go to work on saturdays, I would make best out of time and watch porn accompanied by a rub... For the sake of "orgasm" to "another girl".

As time when by, I started noticing less atraction to my girl (ex) and would start looking forward to those blessed saturdays where I would infact masturbate 3-4 times that day, and by the time my ex-girl would come back, I would look for excuses not to have sex at night (this did not happen in my teen years... Back when I would hump 24/7). I started thinking I didn't like the girl anymore, as I didn't feel attracted to her, so I very cold bloodedly decided to break up with her. During the time of my break up (Age 23), I met a girl at my job that blew my mind away! So, started dating her. Everything was fine, but noticed I wouldn't get hard when making out with her. At that point, I thought, "It must be my age... It takes more to turn on a grown dude as myself" (wrong!). Anyways, when the time came to have sex, my penis was as dead as it can be. I felt enourmously ashamed and didn't know what excuse to give her! I didn't understand, since I found her very attracting!

Then I started thinking I had first approach anxiety (when I also found weird since I never really had problems getting hard when about to have sex...). During this time, and after breaking up with my ex, I would masturbate to porn like never before. This new girl, apparently, liked me too much and wouldn't let me go despite of my problem (we tried several times to which I wouldn't be able to get hard). So what did I do? Yep... Went back home and jerked it to a porn to see if I would get hard... And would! So though, "maybe I don't have ED, it may be that I'm not attracted to her or I might possibly be... Gay? Na, it couldn't be! This brings me to my next point... I would watch porn and masturbate to it so much that I started choosing videos by it's gategories since the one I would watch the day before would no longer satisfy my needs. It got to the point where I would start watching gay porn ang have an orgasm to it, to which shorty after I would feel totally disgusted about it. Never have I had gay sex nor has any man ever caught my eye. I was (am) totally sure I wasn't gay. But when it came to jerking it to porn, at a time gay porn would really arouse me. It came to the point where I didn't know what else to do with myself since:

1) I couldn't have sexa with the girl i really liked (I even told her she can bail and look for someone else! To which she would respond, NO! I like you too much... I'm sure you will get over this some day soon) but still, she found it weird of me.

2) I started liking gay porn?!

3) I'm a bit of a health freak... I excersice daily (weight lifting/martial arts), eat very healthy (no sugars, fat, salt, starch) and drink lots of water a day. Anyeone with that diet would imagine a total tiger in bed! Well... not me! I hit rock bottom and started researching online and found this site. As I said before, I started reading the articles here and I shared the same problems and simptoms as the rest! Almost 2 weeks ago, I started the reboot phase and amazingly, after 1 week and 2 days, I saw this girl and got hard as a rock during a very long time (we had sex that night like never before!), my sex drive was very high, my libido was alive again! The next morning, we had sex again and it was as satisfying as the night before. Now, 2 days ago, I started waking up with morning wood (not 100% hard, but still hard, unlike before!). This surprises me, because I'm having the simptons that most people would start having after a month into the reboot process?! I haven't relapse (although I often feel the need of watching porn, to which I imediately think of something else and done). I may think it might by the fact that I eat very healthy and the testosterone leves in the food I eat (lots of green veggies, nuts, almonds, meat, chicken) are helping me heal. Of the possibility that I stay fit! Or even maybe the fact that I started heavily watching porn after my teen years!? Who knows? But what I do now, is that I think this site had saved my sex life! Thank you so much, yourbrainonporn.com staff! I will keep posting updates for thos who share a similar lifestyle as mines!

Diet doesn't hurt, but many guys have been "health nuts" and have taken months to recover.

You post reveals why you are bouncing back so fast:

I started dating many other girls in my teens and hardly ever watched porn.

Nearly every guy your age with porn-induced ED started masturbation and porn about the same time, and consistently used porn until they hit the ED wall.

You -

  • Didn't use much porn during your teens
  • Masturbated a lot with your imagination during your formative years...instead of porn
  • Had early sexual relations and contact with females...instead of porn
  • Started heavy porn use after your brain was largely developed.

In essence, you are like the "older guys" who did not use porn (or it was Playboy) during the years their brains where furiously rewiring. As we have stated over and over, older guys recover faster and easier than the guys who started on high speed porn, and consistently watched it during their teens.. See this article:

Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes? Sexual brain training matters—especially during adolescence

First of all, thank you for your amanzingly fast response!

All of the bullets you went through made much sense and helped me realize why I'm recovering this fast. I have also tried telling my closests friends about the harms that internet porn can do to your brain, and got laughs as a response! (When I clearly remember one of them telling me they had a hard time getting hard to a girl [more than once!]) Oh well, their loss!

Back to the subject in cuestion, I'll be more than glad to be some sort of a "lab rat" for you guys and keep you updated on my reboot and healing process, as I would fall into the "older guys" category while still being a baby lol. I am determined to continue this path and never again masturbate nor watch porn again. I am the type of person that learns from his mistakes, and now that I've been educated in this matter, watching porn has been the worst mistake BY FAR! Not only sexually, but I now feel much more confident with myself. I will continue with the reboot and post back on week 3! Much regards and thank you once again!

PS: I will take a look at the article!

I am 34, start MB at the age of 13. At my teen age as any DIRTY thought took place, i became aroused without watching porn and it was strong erection. Continue this process about 10 year say twice a month with porn and without porn as well. Then got busy in study and job but the habit of MB continued without break as i said twice or thrice a month. After 10 year jerking my penis got limp and week and only got erection when orgasm was about to come.
Then a girl came into my life and we been in relationship about 2 years with her i went aroused not very often (about 5- 10 times) in 2 years i preferred foreplay with her because couldn't get aroused. After her a women came in my life start relationship with her about 3 years. Some of my friend suggested me a sex tablet, i tried it and found strong erection and great high class orgasm which i never experienced before in my life. This process carried out about 3 years.
Now from the last 2 3 year on my spare time i started to go on porn sites and slowly slowly i became habitual of watching porn daily. My penis is like a dry date, no signal and nothing. i wanted to give up this habit many times but every 15 days my mind take me to their and every time i ended up with a charmless orgasm :(
i read some articles couple of days ago and was surprise that this is the only article which purely depicts my situation. I want to get married but i don't know either i ever got healed up again in my life or not. its my 3rd day of REBOOTING process, i need some support from you guys.
I am determined to continue this path as well and never again masturbate nor watch porn again. I learnt from my mistake, and now that I've been educated in this matter, watching porn has been the worst mistake. Much regards and thank you once again!

B A MALIK

I suggest taking it one day at a time, rather than saying I will never masturbate or use porn again. We don't have a forum here, nor do many people read these comments. I suggest clicking on the support tab as it has a few forums, with men who understand porn-induced ED.

Wishing you success

There's lot of great info on this website, but that's the best and most succint explanation of what porn does to your brain that I've read. I didn't know that shame reinforces porn's neural pathways, which my experience bears out. I also like the idea of taking it one day at a time. Good stuff.

ace8

The longest I lasted PMO free was 15 days and I know I'm going to beat that, then make a month, then two, then a year, then a lifetime. Anyway, I always used to get erections being turned on, even when I was a child. Then at 9-10 years old, porn came along, I hadn't been seriously addicted then, but I started masturbating at 12, I would be using my fantasies to masturbate, then I began moving on to the internet to masturbate, I began masturbating to hardcore porn at 14, and apparently, life has gone downhill ever since. Even in high school, I couldn't get it up even hugging a girl or looking at her butt (well, unless I hadn't looked at porn for a while, but that was due to my parents telling me not to look at it, unfortunately, I relapsed many times), even though at the time, I thought I was just not attracted to them, maybe (when in reality, I had a form of ED). But then the addiction started getting really bad when I got my first iPod touch at 18, then discovered free streaming sites last year. I got to the point where I watched a college sex video, and couldn't get it up at all, even while jerking off (my limp, little dick). It was very depressing. I took 10 days off (even when I edged), then went back, and I could get hard masturbating to porn again (but still had ED). For two months now I struggled to quit PMO after I finally accepted that ED was connected to my addiction, I relapsed for a total of 14 days, and MO'd to P about 45 times in those 14 days, but I still improved tremendously, I can even get anywhere from a semi to a slight erection, whether I'm looking at pictures or even fantasizing. I'm doing everything I can to avoid even non-nude pictures and videos and magazines, for they can potentially trigger another relapse. Idk how long it's going to be before I fully rebooted, but hopefully it will be pretty quick this way. Good stuff, by the way.

Never give up, for trying is the key.

I do not agree that avoiding M and O during a -very- long period of time is proved to be beneficial. It is behavioral conditioning, and can have counter productive effects, like creating artificial sexual tension in the body which is used as a kind of focusing substitute.

My feeling is what matters is about how natural things happen, and what you use to get aroused and to orgasm. I agree that one should stop M to release tension and/or frustration, and should wait naturally to feel positive horny feelings before masturbating. Then forbid yourself to fantasize situations (i) where you re not connected to a subjective partner (that is where you treat people like objects or act out with 'fast' sex), (ii) with a partner you had trouble with (an ex etc..).

This is what worked for me.

The next step is to ask yourself: "why is it so hard for me to get involved in a sexually positive long term relationship ?" or "why am I unsatisfied with my current partner ?".

And man, this where the hard part starts.

Mathyys

your protocol simply doesn't work for everyone. In fact, young guys who grew up using high speed Internet, and have little or no sexual experience, seem to need abstinence to recover from porn-induced ED.

Your questions about relationships do not apply to someone who started high speed Internet porn at age 10, and is now in their first sexual relationship at age 18. That's 8 years of brain training involving multiple tabs, fast-forwarding, constant clicking, and having escalated to extreme porn. Please see the following to get a basic understanding  - Why Shouldn’t Johnny Watch Porn If He Likes? and Porn Then and Now: Welcome to Brain Training and Why Do I Find Porn More Exciting Than A Partner? and  The Other Porn Experiment

You may not agree with temporary abstinence (rebooting), but the suggestions found on this site come from thousands of guys trying multiple protocols, and finding out what works and what doesn't work. Do what works is the driving force behind recovery from porn-induced ED, and many need abstinence for extended periods, along with rewiring to the real deal.

The questions I have for you:

  1. Did you have porn-induced ED?
  2. How old are you?
  3. At what age did you start using high-speed Internet porn?
  4. At what age did you start having sexual relationships
  5. Have you exclusively masturbated to Internet porn

Many variables are involved with the development of porn-induced ED. You cannot take your experience and apply it universally to everyone else.

with your same comment.

Mathyys

I often manage two or three weeks of not watching porn but then some little image, almost always harmless under normal circumstances, sparks something in my brain. Then I find a way to escalate from that image. Then from that image. Until finally I just give up and dive in, and in a matter of two or three days after the first sexual picture I'm as deep as I ever was, going to it straight after work, before bed, late late into the night. And every time I finish I want to bury my head and all I can think is how much I hate porn and I swear it off forever, only to fall again within a day. I've been leaving my computer at my parents' but sometimes I need it with me and it takes only a few days for me to fall again. I once quit porn and masturbation for nine months by removing literally every single indulgence of any kind from my life. It was incredibly difficult and I haven't achieved anything anywhere near that since then. I get the feeling now that you can't quit forever, and that it's a choice between suffering from cravings but feeling better about yourself or suffering from indulgence and hating yourself, but at least not fighting it anymore. I hate porn with a passion. I know that when I watch it I'm withdrawn and incredibly irritable. Want to break my computer in half and tell everyone around me (including my parents) to lock their internet connections. I'm getting a smartphone soon and am afraid that will be the devil in my hands calling my name. I have dealt with drug addiction in the past but I have to say that even though it nearly killed me I have never hated anything about myself and addiction as much as I have hated porn. When I quit drugs and alcohol I went to rehab for four months and a halfway house for three months. Would you expect a drug addict to stay clean if you sent him home the same hour he came to rehab, and at home he had a briefcase packed with an infinite supply of cocaine and he had to open this briefcase every single day for other purposes?

Dear Admin,

I have been masturbating since age of 14. This masturbation habit escalated to Porn watching after some 10 years when high speed internet came into being. Today I am a porn and masturbation addict.

This has destroyed my life completely. However the sorry part is that in all these years of my porn/masturbation habit, I never realized that the root cause of all my problems (social anxiety, lack of girl friends, lack of self confidence/self esteem, failure in academics) has been porn/masturbation habit. Only recently I realized that Porn,Masturbation, Orgasm is the root cause of many of my problems.

I am trying to stop porn watching. However I think the root cause is masturbation and hence I want to stop Masturbation completely.

However I am facing some problems in my attempt to stop masturbation.

I am without porn/masturbation for 4 days now.

In my previous attempts to stop porn/masturbation, after some 3-4 days, even a slight glance to women (body parts) would create intense attraction and cravings in my mind. My mind/brain would become foggy and I would become very uncomfortable inside me. I would feel, if I masturbate just once, then I would feel good. This feeling would eventually lead me to masturbation and sometimes even porn watching. HOWEVER AFTER MASTURBAION, A SINKING FEELING OF REMORSE WOULD SET IN.

Sir I want to ask you one question - how to stop getting attracted to girls/women ?. Rather I would ask, HOW TO NOT MASTURBATE EVEN AFTER GETTING ATTRACTED TO GIRLS SEXUALLY ? Is is actually possible to not masturbate for more than 2 months and still think sexual thoughts ? How to stop thinking sexually about the girl whom I have found sexually attractive ? How to have the courage to talk to girls boldly and not think sexually about them ?

Also please help me to understand why in the hell would I resort to masturbation at the age of 14 years and how this habit escalated to porn addiction.

All these questions are baffling me.

Sir Please help me as I do not want to waste a single minute in this life sucking habit of masturbation and porn watching.

I want to become social, have friendship with girls, regain my self esteem/self confidence. PLEASE HELP ME.

Thanks.

weakoptimist

I'll answer the best that I can -

Also please help me to understand why in the hell would I resort to masturbation at the age of 14 years and how this habit escalated to porn addiction.

This is an easy one - most guys today use porn to masturbate. If you don't then you are in the tiny minority.

Sir I want to ask you one question - how to stop getting attracted to girls/women ?. Rather I would ask, HOW TO NOT MASTURBATE EVEN AFTER GETTING ATTRACTED TO GIRLS SEXUALLY ?

You think about long term goals, and you try all the suggestions above. I suggest visiting http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php - to start a blog and get support.

If your problem is porn you may want to look at this thread on yourbrainrebalanced, as it discuuse occasional masturbation. The idea isn't really any different then what we propose here.

The Orgasm Reboot: A New Approach [CONTROVERSIAL]

Is is actually possible to not masturbate for more than 2 months and still think sexual thoughts ? How to stop thinking sexually about the girl whom I have found sexually attractive?

You will have lots of sexual thoughts - however, it becomes easier, especially if your libido drops. see - HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and/or libido are decreasing (Flat-Line)

How to have the courage to talk to girls boldly and not think sexually about them ?

I don't think this one will happen, however - rebooting will change your perception of women and allow you to focus more on personality and eyes, smile, etc.

You have to do more than willpower to overcome an addiction - you need to later many things in your life and your tyhinking. Visit http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php and see this page - Rebooting Advice & Observations for pages of tips, advice, and motivation from those who have been there

just keep trying.

I will begin my story with a boring introduction to my masturbating habits, simply because that's where lies the core of my problems. So here it goes:

I have been masturbating since i was 11-12. It all began when I got some cd's from a friend with hard core content blah, blah. Since then i have been masturbating daily,yet averagely once a week to porn. When I was 15 I got an unlimited internet connection, and that's when things started to become serious.

As years went by I've been going through various stages of masturbation frequency, but lets say it was 3-4 times a week up to 1-2 times a day(if i had a chance). I've been through many sorts of porn such as lesbian, bestiality, group, and lately massive orgy, midget ,hentai, and some weird costume porn(lol). I never felt a desire of even curiosity to watch transsexual or gay porn, as i found it disgusting, and maybe I even felt a bit of fear it would turn me on(I've read some cases of hocd here, but for me that wasn't such a big deal).

I haven't had much experience with women untill I came to university(2 years ago). I would like to add that since I came here(other town) i have been living with a roomate for some time so i wasn't able to jerk off that much. But since i started to live alone I have been masturbating daily, and even 2-5 times a day.

So basically a few months ago I had a chance to have sex with a girl that i liked for some time, and she was quite good looking. It was 5 in the morning and I was quite drunk, and I have been able to get a half erection after she gave me head. I blamed it on alcohol and tiredness, as it was so late, or early in the morning should I say. Well anyways we gave up and we were sleeping in the same bed as I felt shitty and embarrassed. She was quite disappointed as well as she really wanted me to fuck her.

A few weeks after that we have been fooling around, we were making out in town for a couple of hours and I had a rock hard erection all the time while we were doing it dry, and I felt incredible urge to have sex with her, though we were in the middle of a foreign town with no place to stay so unfortunatelly it didnt happen. A few weeks after that I hooked up with another girl and as we were making out I was quite dead down there(drunk again), and it really didn't feel comfortable but I didn't worry too much though I felt something was wrong.

Next day I was making out with girl number one in a park for an hour or two, and had a quite good erection during the time and there was a point when we were both so horny that we both felt it is time to do it(anywhere lol). So, we found a place that was discreet enough and she started to give me oral. It was 80% at first and I felt the warmth of her mouth (not much more), but as she continued my soldier started to shrink, and finally ended totally lifeless. I was like WTF just happened, and she didn't like that too much either.(this time i couldn't blame it on alcohol because i barely had a beer or two)

I ended up totally depressed and my ego shattered. I could barelly look at her that evening. Now I realised something is seriously wrong with me and i started to google ed symptoms like a mad man.

I found some medical explanations, and also found out about performance anxiety. I was convinced that was the problem since it was my second first time. I started to think I'm such a pussy for being so weak and that I will just need more tries to overcome that anxiety. Meanwhile summer break came and we decided to be in a long distance relationship.(even tho I failed at those tries)

I would like to add that I really love that girl and I made a very retarded picture of our relationship with this description. (we had some very romantic history etc, but i wouldn't like to go into details)

I might sound like an idiot now but while we were separated i hooked up with a 3rd girl, partially out of curiosity to test myself, to make sure it wasn't about her.(bad excuse)

Same story again while we were making out, this girl said she is not feeling me down there and it was a terrible moment.

After that I went totally crazy and I started to question myself about being gay, asexual or what. I kept googling ed and found many stupid posts and explanations on Internet that just wouldn't fit.

Eventually I found out about porn induced ed, as I literally typed that into google, and was shocked about the amount of feedback I got. I somehow felt that my exceeded porn use might have caused that. The very moment I foud out about it I read many articles and reports. I decided that from now on porn is gone for me. During the summer break I decided to quit porn, and I relapsed every time after a few days. Then I was like meh I'm gonna continue to jerk off anyways. I was constantly postponing my healing process and eventually summer break ended with me being on zero.

As I came to town where I'm studying I started to meet with my girlfriend again and whenever we were making out I realised I feel nothing. Not a slight arousal or physical attraction(that wasn't the case before). And I also found out that I feel zero attraction to other (random) girls as well. I was considering taking some pills for enhancement so I could please her(I have been fingering her but that's not it), but after reading experiences of other people doing that I decided that's not the right thing to do. Instead I decided to go for a full 80+ days recovery. I really feel bad about how should I explain this to her, as she is quite horny and wants me most of the time.

I'm currently ending my 4th week of no PMO, and these are my experiences so far:

Week 1,2: Slightly increased horniness, but only about porn. Whenever I'm with her i feel zero physical attraction, and it feels bad. I had a bit more energy but I'm constantly smoking so much it drains me totally. At the end of week 2 I had a dream about having a dream about watching porn (pornception), and when i woke up in the first dream I was jerking off to porn in the second dream, and then i woke up with a boner(like I usually do, though it's never 100%, more like 75%).

Week 3: I have been feeling quite crappy lately. Haven't seen my gf for a couple of days because she lives in a town nearby. I feel like I should have a quick glance at some porn at least for a few seconds. But I'm quite determined. I tried to masturbate a bit without orgasm and fantasy, and it was totally pointless. It was like I was jerking off my finger or something(my cock is not that small tho ) It just explained me how desensitised I am.

Week 4: For most of the week I havn't felt any need to watch porn. Actually i haven't felt anything literally. I feel like an empty shell that is living a pointless life, and I'm remembering the good times while I was younger(and I'm 20 lol). I remember how I used to be an arrogant kid who would always feel above everyone else and always having a bright and sarcastic sense of humor. Now I feel like shit(as this is the week I'm currently into so i can describe it much better), and so old. I'm still waking up with boners every morning that last for a few minutes and are like 70%.

I had a dream where I was watching porn, and next day i had a dream about me making out with some imaginary girl, she was quite hot though and I felt really good while making out with her. I also had a dream about making out with my ex girlfriend from highschool. This wonders me because before all this happened I would actually dream about having sex with girls. Now it's only about watching porn or making out dreams. Yesterday i googled the movie „Deepthroat“ for some reason and closed it immediately. I don't actually know what made me do it but i guess it's my addiction. This voayeur approach to sex is really annoying. I feel like I'm slowly losing my connections to it but it seems like I'm losing everything else with it. I'm quite a lame person to hang out with nowadays, and when I talk to my gf I am getting annoyed by everything she says, and she told me I'm acting like a 13 years old girl with pms. I guess she is right.

Week 5(first two days): Last night I had a chain of wierd dreams full of sex and porn(in some point while watching porn in a dream I was imagining what would my gf act like if i did that to her). It all ended with a wierd boner in the morning and I was questioning myself did I relapse during that time. During the day I was quite calm, and I had no sexual thoughts or thoughts about porn, but as the evening came I became quite disturbed in a way that something is missing. I have the urge to have sex and even violently do her(there is no need for that tho), yet I know I'm lifeless down there.

Anyways it seems so long to wait for the next 6-7 weeks to pass. I feel like I'm on a road to nowhere, and it really wonders me that I had the motivation to write this article.

For some strange reasons I'm reading healing reviews constantly and I find it quite entertaining to read about people who have the exact same symptoms as myself.

Well, some of you will probably be disappointed because this is not a success story, and I'm not full of optimistic phrases and encouraging words, but that is how I feel right now as it is a live streaming story.

I apologise for the grammar mistakes as english is my 3rd language, and I will post this without checking them.

I'll keep you posted about (progress?), cheers

You are probably in the flatline period. See -HELP! I quit porn, but my potency, genital size, and/or libido are decreasing (Flat-Line)

There's no forum here, so I suggest this one. http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

Lots of guys with porn-induced ED. And you can start your own journal.

Good luck

Its hard to quit. I need tips. Longest days i went without PMO was 21 days.

james bowman

Also this page has tons of suggestions - http://yourbrainonporn.com/rebooting-advice-observations

I suggest posting on  http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php

Need to replace an addiction with other activities. Most important is to re-frame your self as successful - 21 days without porn.

Thanks ima do that

james bowman

I'm a postulant Zen monk awaiting ordination and I'm rebooting, 10 years into my practice of studying suffering and the desire that turns that deluded wheel of existence.

I've been using porn since age ten, have tried to quit since age 17, and now at age 30 acknowledge this clicking, wanking, and eventual ED is about porn, mostly about internet porn.

I live in a monastery. One day I skipped a period of zazen to go back to my room and masturbate. I walked out a mess. Where are my ethics? What am I doing? Am I living in a monastery because it makes it easier to be alone, and to be alone masturbating on our frequent little breaks? Is this what people donate money for?

Right now, in our tradition of American Soto Zen, many teachers are falling, being torn down, because of sexual misconduct. At first, I was really angry; how could they do this!? And then, a little voice said, "You could do this, too." and in touching that human capacity, I felt a crack in the veil of my world, then a shattering, and then the reality that I still wanted to go to my cam sites, go to porn sites, to get that squirt of dopamine.

Then, Rohatsu, our yearly retreat of sitting 10-15 hours a day hit, and no porn, no masturbation. One whole week to sit with this. I'm about 4 weeks without looking at porn, without masturbating. I have felt a little down, emotional, and lack of sex drive, wondering what will masturbation look like now, and how long can I stand this.

I guess that's why I'm posting. Flipping through facebook, got aroused, almost relapsed, but came to Y.B.O.P and told my story.

I am deeply grateful for this site, encouraged to keep going, and wondering how I might one day share this with my brothers, share this as a Zen priest.

Palms together,

Icarus

Austin

As you know, yours is the first generation to have access to easy, 24/7 porn, during adolescence (ages 11-25).

From a geezer who had little use for porn while growing up, I can tell you it makes a huge difference. Porn was OK (static pictures), but boring compared to real girls.

Whereas mediatation trains the brain, sos does high pseed porn - and its training during a critical period when the brain is rewiring circuits for sexuality - your genes number one job.

Bottom line - be kind to your self.

Have you read these?

I've changed so much in the last 7 months, especially recently! Without the abstinence, I never would have gone this far. See, what I learned was to trust my instincts and not overanalyze things (because that was the very reason why I still had trouble with the girls even after a half year of no porn!) thank you YBOP, for saving my life.

Never give up, for trying is the key.

Stumbling across this website has been a godsend. It's one thing to know abstractly that others are fighting the same battle I am, but it's powerful reading the stories on site and seeing, day by day, how guys are bettering their lives by leaving porn behind.

I need to do this too. Since the age of 14, I've been a porn junkie. It started with low-stimulation pictures on my grainy Nokia. And from there, it's only progressed. What could get me off four years ago did nothing for me three years ago. What sent me to cloud nine last year elicits little more than a yawn this year.

The quest for ever-more-stimulating content has come at a cost. I'm in a relationship with the girl of my dreams, but I can't give her what I want. Sometimes I struggle with ED. Worse, I cannot orgasm for her, and she's starting to ask why. For her, I need to change.

But even more importantly, I want to change for myself. It's time to retake control of my life. I feel like this bad habit is the cornerstone of others; and that if I can change this, it will be a domino effect to a better future.

The stories on this site have touched and inspired me. I hope to do same for others. Here goes.

hello evreyone! i have to ask one thing how do i know if a
i have ED if i never have sex? ... i have looking on porn and mastrubating for about 7 years i am now i think i started when i was 6-7 years old i am now 15. i can mastrubating without porn i know but it's feel better with porn ... so i can mastrubating without porn do that mean i don't have ED? i hope you understand what i am asking . ( my english is no the best because i am swedish)

but my biggest problem is that i can't look on girls without think about them naked in a. porn movie
i feeling shame and that i am a pervert guy.

How do I know if my ED is porn-related? (TEST)

then - http://www.yourbrainonporn.com/erectile-dysfunction-question

If you can get a strong erection without porn, then you don't have porn-induced ED - but very few 15 year olds have porn-induced ED. You are at your peak of dopamine production at age 15 - it will never be higher. The problems start later on...

thanks ! iven if i don't have ED i think it's good to not looking on porn anymore so i don't get ED later in life. by the way! can i mastrubating under my reboot without porn?

other than avoiding all artificial sexual stimuli. So don't fanatsize about porn.

thanks for the reply!

i just relapsed :/ i mastrubated to naked girl online . so i am back on day 1 ?.

I address relapse a bit here. Answr is no. Counting is psychological, waht occurs in your brain is waht matters.

What stimuli must I avoid during my reboot (did I relapse)?

Why don't you simply masturbate and leave the porn out?

it do not feel so good without porn . i get mutsh harder with porn then witout.
well i am not giving up i just keep trying!

i know many porn user have social problem well i am to .. it could explain that i have Aspergers syndrome but what i thinking is that porn may have give me simuler symtoms as aspergers or may worser it . do you know anything about it?

that many guys see an improvement with social anxiety, eye contact, speaking, talking to strangers, etc. Reboot and see what happens.

see - Is porn making my social anxiety/confidence/depression worse?

I started internet porn surfing when i was in college. Can you believe it i used to isolate myself from the rest of the world to enjoy watching internet porn and its ultimate goal!! I have spent countless amount of my parents hard earned money just for the internet to fullfill this desire. I had bought computer and internet actually just for this purpose. And it is only for the first time in my life that i am not using internet/computer for any kind of stimulation and i feel relaxed that now i am not an addict and am in control. Everytime i get high because of any trigger i take a bath/listen to music/exercise keeping anything i can to exhaust my mind. For the first time in my life i crave companionship very much. I feel like i have wasted my time and am 30yrs old now. All i can say is that its been 67 days and i have been getting morning wood atleast in irregular ways. My advice to all of you would be to become a man and stop PMO you would discover life. I can say that 95 % of my computer work in the past was for porn which has degraded me. I hardly have anything else to do with my laptop nowadays a i am free of junk now. Thanks to YBOP for the wonderful work that you have done in the past and been doing for socially awkard people like me. I would also help in creating awareness as there are millions of people. I personally know my friend who got divorced as he had the same issue of porn induced ED . The girl was very devastated after finding out that my friend had such issues.I can now imagine why many of my married friends who are girls angry after marriage and feel bad about it. All i can say is that if you can wear a condom and stay hard that would be the signal that your potency is back. This is the only way to test yourself. It is my personal belief that special care needs to be give to teenagers who dont know the diff between PMO and addiction.

Thank you guys and YBOP.

I will keep you updating recovery updates and my exp from time to time.

**

Its Day 51 of no PMO... I had one wet dream on day 40!
My question is albiet i have given up porn and mastrbation, I surf youtube videos of Free running and all sorts of strength training, can it slow down my rebooting process, as i almost sit and surf vidoes, so is it ok or should i stop it as i can stop it too, coz i feel some dopamine might be released during this process( one more video one more is it equal to act of watchin porn)...i wannted to whthr this will slow dowm the reebot or not?

2nd question i was in a crowd and i touched a girls bum and aftr few mins i ejaculated, so is that a relapse??

Please reply

Breakfree

this is about porn - or more precisely - artificial sexual stimulation vs. real sexual stimulation.

If the viodeos are sexually stimulating don't watch, if not its ok.

i ejaculated naturally and not mastrbated........but one more thing i actualy felt good as tht grl accidently came in front of and she was close to me tht i went on and on and aftr touching for few min it happend...... surely i wont do it again bt plz tell me, whthr its anti-reboot act?

Breakfree

you may feel more cravings after an ejaculation.

well thanks again.......no not at all i have made myself so busy in all other activities like reading, meditating, music and exercising that i hardly get time to think abt it(so no cravings at all).......and i had lost totally -the self control during PMO bt nw aftr 52 days of no pmo, i have got something invaluable and priceless gift, an ally called belief in myself and mind control..damn i am so happy for this change,and so have recognized, if i can give up this nasty and perilous addiction then, for sure i can chase and achieve any damn dream of mine.......i am following 4 things "DESIRE, VISION, PERSISTENCE AND GUTS! Its helping me a lot........
Thanks to this Grt Website, i am witnessing excellent changes in my life....cheers mate!

Breakfree

hey there i you ejaculate so easily you have another severe problem PE and it would take a bit more time. Exercise and eat well.

Here's my story. I'm currently 21 and in college. I began using porn to masturbate occasionally when I was about 12 or 13 but only stuck to pictures. I graduated to videos when I was around 15 and have used them since. I got into the habit, by college, of masturbating to internet porn videos almost everyday. I just found it easier, with school being so stressful, to rely on porn than have to pursue girls. Before my last relationship, I'd had sex with a few different girls for a total of about 10+ times.
I just got out of a relationship with a 25 year old girl who had much more experience than me. She was very pretty and wanted me BAD. I began to notice that I wasn't able to perform most of the time (even though I found her attractive) and it got to the point where it was pissing her off and led to her cheating on me. I became depressed and felt like less of a man because I couldn't satisfy her hunger for me.
I began my recovery process in early February. I have been loyal to my recovery, for the most part. I deleted my porn stash and have only masturbated about five times in the past two months using pure fantasy.
Starting March 24th, I made a NO-FAP tally sheet and I'm up to 14 days of absolutely no porn or masturbation! I'm sticking to this plan but I'm concerned that the progress will be slow because I still feel like my penis is lifeless most days. I haven't noticed returning morning wood or anything. It just sucks because I hear of some guys noticing progress much faster. Is it because I began watching porn at such a young age? I mean, why can't I catch a fuckin' break? I'm not a bad person; I was horny and I had access to porn. Can you really blame me?
I would appreciate some feedback from those of you in a similar situation or who have insight. Thanks.

to get response here from other guys. I suggest this forum - http://www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/

I haven't noticed returning morning wood or anything. It just sucks because I hear of some guys noticing progress much faster.

Recovery is highly variable, see-  How long will it take to recover from Porn-Induced Sexual Dysfunction?

Is it because I began watching porn at such a young age?

That is the number one factor. See -     Young Porn Users Need Longer To Recover Their Mojo

I mean, why can't I catch a fuckin' break? I'm not a bad person; I was horny and I had access to porn. Can you really blame me?

No blame, as the meme is that masturbation to Internet porn is normal, and even healthy. This is perpetuated by most sexologists, and "experts".

I am 25 and i am in a reboot, i am in love with a girl, and i love her very mch, i am in a reboot process, a short summary,
I gave up PMO on 1st May 2013 and its till continued, ( actually i have started my journey back in September last year--- its was the month of realization of unable to have sex because of Porn Addiction, so the fight continued, with relapses and somtimes 2 months of straight and absolutey NO PMO) now tht i am with her, it was twice a intimate encounter with her, we both were clothes-on, i did get erection with touches and cuddling....but after some time when we had sex like movemnts i bursted in my pant Its (not the Quick Ejaculation aftre some time i ejaculated), we still were in clothes she too was satisfied, as she said this to me,i was stimulating her vagina by my rubbing my penis,we started making the movements you'd have while having sex, she was on a night dress, aftr few mins i was unable to control my self and i Orgasmd and she too, just by rubbing each other-- this happend twice( I didnt tell her tht i bursted in pant)...I got erection but was not as hard as i get in the morning--morning woods, (now more often) these days. She doesn't know anything abt my ED yet as its new relationship.....I am about to tell her my story, , its still we are not into the real sex yet, it was twice v encountered....
My question is
1. Will it slow down my recovery, am i forcing my erections?
2. Sould i climax everytime or should i hold back my ejaculation?
3. Should i just opt for Cuddling, hugging and kissing, rather than opting for heavy stuff that results in orgasm and climax?
4. Or should i stop this, and just continue my rebooting with Cuddling, hugging and kissing,feeling each other energy?
. I have that pressure too, of ED, when i am with her....
I am happy that somethings have changed, something is happening down there....please reply, eagerly waiting...

Breakfree

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