A month ago, I could not have imagined that I would reach this milestone. The first day lasted an incredibly long time, I counted every minute, every second, I couldn’t focus on anything else but counting the time.
And now, the last day is up to 30 full days. In all 18 years of addiction, this is the 3rd or 4th time I’ve managed to reach this milestone. Even now, I continue to feel withdrawal symptoms and withdrawal symptoms. The more I think about one full month, which will be in 48 hours, the more I light up and I want to smile.
It’s been a very difficult month, you can see all the details in my magazine.
The first two weeks are the hardest. It was the first week that became a difficult stage for me, when every day I experienced a number of emotions that made me just want to lie in bed, cry and wish only for it all to end.
As the days passed, bright thoughts began to enter my head. What can I do to make my life sparkle with new colors? I got a lot of time that I used to spend on porn and games, and now I still don’t quite understand what to do with the huge amount of free time. I started reading a lot, and trying to get out into the world. At the same time, I’m working with a psychologist, and we’re sorting out the problems I’m going through. It’s not the most pleasant process, but thanks to it, I’m gradually unloading myself, my soul, and all the weight I carried in it.
Yesterday I passed another milestone. We gathered a group of 10 people, half of whom I didn’t know. Someone occasionally came out, took the microphone and spoke in front of everyone. then I thought, “I feel fear and discomfort when I think that I also want to come out and tell something.” And so, after sitting for 10 minutes and thinking (thinking too much instead of just doing it), I got up and took the microphone. It seemed strange, unusual, and surprising to me. I just didn’t know how to hold a microphone properly. And I started talking. Haltingly, awkwardly, but he began. After the first performance, I got fired up and wanted more. After a while, I turned on the microphone one more time. More confidently, I started telling stories for the second time in front of strangers who looked at me, listened, commented and laughed…
Now, sitting in front of my laptop and writing about yesterday, I feel proud of myself for going through my fears and not being afraid to face them.
I wish good luck to everyone who is also trying to get out of this dark quagmire, which has nothing good in it.