So these 77 days have been a fucken blast? Why…? Well, because I found out what I am made of. Little background… Ever since I was a young buck, I was extremely attracted to girls. I remember my first crush was one girl named Yazmin back in kindergarten.
She was a cute redhead and I did random ass shit with my friends to get her attention. I remember how my dad helped me create fake mustaches out of paper for my friends and I just so I could get her attention. In the end I did because it was innocent lovey dove shit. In the end, she changed schools and my parents told me that we would come to America. Fast forward to America and it was all good until jhs came by.
Holy shit, females… Females everywhere. I had to admit that I had minor crushes in elementary school, especially this one girl who neeeeever gave me a chance because I was “too weird”. Anyfuckenway let’s get back with the story. I had my very first gf in jhs. She was actually the bff of the chick I was telling you about. Anyways, we went out. We broke up. We went back at it again. Broke the fuck up. She was my very first kiss. Fuck, I really wanted to bang the living shit out of her but I had morals! Anyways, I found out she was cheating me through MySpace and I let her go.
I’ll admit that I DID love her but just hear me out. I got depressed because of what she did to me and I watched porn non-stop. Fantasying the things I’d do to her. My homies told me to quit bitching about her cuz she was a ho but idgaf cuz Idc. I was lovesick. Pain, the what ifs. I began lifting and pmoing because in my naive little fucken mind I thought that’s what females wanted. Keep in mind I was 13 or 14. My mind was STILL developing.
Fast forward to senior year in hs. I was a fucken wreck. Hated couples and hated my friends because they always nagged me about not getting into a relationship. Some people even thought I was gay because I liked theatrics and all that shit. I suffered a panic attack the last week. Was taken to a psychiatric hospital where they said I had schizophrenia but I know my damn self. It wasn’t that. It was just a panic attack. No more no less. I was drugged with medications that made me useless to the community and to myself. I gained weight but thankfully I lost it but I gained it back again because I fell on depression due to a complete misunderstanding that happened at work. I loved my job. Made me realize the hidden talents I had that were hindered due to PMO.
Reflections: Before quitting PMOIng I gotta admit that I was a compulsive liar. I hid my emotions to my friends, family and crushes because I was afraid of being vulnerable. Now, that I’m going through this depression, I see that I’m important and if people don’t like the new me then fuck them. I’m more assertive now than before and I’m tired of bullshitting people. Therefore, I’m tired of bullshit as well. A bullshitter knows another bullshitter. Here’s to 90 days, comrades!
LINK – 77 days and my experience
by AR96
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