Today I hit day 287 of NoFap, and I’ve been reflecting on how much has changed in my life since I quit porn, onlyfans and all the quick fixes.
For context, I used porn as a filler , and at the time I thought it was just “normal.” But looking back, I realize it set me up for years of chasing empty experiences. I wasted money, time, and energy, but worse than that ,I convinced myself that I wasn’t capable of attracting a woman’s attention on my own.
On top of that, losing my mom at a young age left me needy in relationships. My first real girlfriend left me because of that, and it sent me into therapy. For years, I thought something was broken in me.
The turning point came when I decided to treat connection like a skill. After one of my first sexual experiences, instead of staying stuck in my head, I literally went back outside, walked into a crowded place, and pushed myself to approach another woman I found attractive. I wanted to prove to myself that I could create connection instead of buying it.
And you know what? It worked. Over time, I learned how to approach strangers, hold conversations, and even make women laugh. That first moment of real attention ,a genuine smile, a woman choosing to keep talking to me ,hit harder than anything I ever paid for.
The science explains why:
Dopamine: Every smile or bit of attention is a natural reward, motivating you instead of draining you.
Oxytocin: Real hugs, hand-holding, or even shared laughter release bonding hormones. Escorts can’t give you that.
Testosterone: When a woman you’re attracted to notices you, your testosterone rises, making you more confident and alive.
Serotonin: Being desired builds self-worth and stabilizes your mood.
Endorphins: Real social interaction gives you that natural high porn and escorts pretend to offer.
These chemicals aren’t just “pleasure.” They’re signals your body is telling you: this is the real path.
For anyone struggling with connecting with women irl, you can start small. First toi can deal with your approach anxiety, here are a few steps that helped me:
1. Start small: Say hi to random strangers when you’re out. No agenda, just practice.
2. Make simple comments: Talk about something happening in the moment . it’s more natural than memorized lines.
3. Track small wins: Don’t focus on numbers or dates. Focus on building the muscle of approaching.
4. Stay curious: Instead of thinking “I need her to like me,” think “I wonder what her story is.” Curiosity kills anxiety.
Now, at day 287, I don’t just feel free from old habits. I feel like I’ve built the foundation for real intimacy. And nothing beats that :not porn, not escorts, not OnlyFans. The best feeling in the world is a woman choosing you for you.
I also have to add that I tried the apps and it’s still a superficial high. It has to be a genuine IRL interaction to really reap the benefits.Its the fastest and most efficient detox that I know.