I had a search warrant served on my house in January and my life changed drastically. I have since then seen an individual therapist for myself, a marital therapist with my wife, joined NoFap, and began going to in-person groups as well. I was able to walk through many of the hurts I experienced and never addressed, pinpointed all of the bad habits I have created and worked on clipping those out of my life, and talked in length about pornography, sex addiction, and the path forward. More than anything I learned to care for myself instead of waiting for others to care for me. No more bottled emotions, embracing emotional conversations as they need to happen, not avoid them.
I was brought to church as a kid and knew the surface level of what it meant to be a part of a church body, but now I know what it truly means to seek God and see the forgiveness that He provides. All glory to God for how far I have come in my journey of recovery, liberating myself from the sin of pornography, and entering the light and warmth of God’s shelter.
My actions were vile, despicable, and unforgivable, but those I thought wouldn’t forgive me did. Those who loved me never left. They supported me and worked with me to help battle this addiction. God provided the right friends and the right family in my life from the beginning who knew my heart and soul and that this chokehold was not who I am. The double life is gone. Porn sucks, and society will continue to shove it our faces in the most discrete ways, but saying no and fighting against it has only made me courageous and confident in my current ability to ward off the urges.
I sit here, feeling free as I type this out, but I know this is just the beginning and that throughout my life I will continue improving in all areas. 6 months have passed and I am grateful to the support group I attend because they know my whole story and embraced me as I was in my darkest lowest place.
It works if you work it.
Good luck to everyone fighting this battle and God bless you all.
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[Reply to a question]
Yes I did [go to jail]. I was booked for about five hours and let go. I was advised by a local attorney who specializes in these cases to surrender and surrender I did.
For the sake of saving anyone who reads this clicks, I downloaded a handful of files that included child pornography. Law enforcement have ways to find you and i learned this the hard way, but i can’t be thankful enough for the team that saved me from worse, consequences or not. If you want to read more just go through my other posts in the journal I have. I don’t post often, but I try to give some life update every now and then.
I’m no spokesperson or role model for those who have many years under their belt when it comes to sobriety with porn, but the one thing that I have learned is that life without it is very freeing mentally speaking. Although if anyone is looking for advice or just want someone to talk to, it would be an honor and a privilege to help you carve out your story and how you two escaped this prison of porn..