Welcome to the rTribe/YBOP blog! This is our first blog with yourbrainonporn and we are stoked to officially be part of the YBOP tribe. We are all about using the power of human connection to heal addiction.
For us, isolating and being disconnected from others has led to the lowest points in our lives and in our addiction. That’s why we have the word “tribe” in our name. And, when you say our name it sounds like “our tribe.”
It’s only been on relying and journeying with others that we have seen real change in our lives. Technology is a huge way people connect now so we created a smartphone app (only iOS for now, Android will be released in a few weeks) to help you on the rebooting journey: www.rtribe.org. And, a lot of what you’ll see in our posts is about how to stay connected to yourself and others.
Now, that you know a bit about us we hope our first blog helps you figure out how to make the most of your accountability friendships.
DOES THIS SOUND FAMILIAR?
Friend 1: “I messed up the other day, ummm actually yeah it was today…”
Friend 2: “Yeah me too…I’m not feeling great about it”
Friend 3: “Yeah, so…it was a bad week for me too. See you next week?”
If you have ever been in this sort of group for a porn addiction, you know that it can seem like “what’s the point?” Especially if it’s the same routine every week.
Over time, members of such groups get discouraged and in the end can withdraw feeling defeated. They tell themselves “well, I tried the whole accountability/recovery thing, but it didn’t really work.”
Most accountability groups or recovery friendships become unhealthy because they lack the right ingredients.
What ingredients are your accountability friendships missing? Take this quiz to find out:
1) Do your friends share the same complaint each week but have no plan for what they will try differently?
2) If someone says they will do something but then doesn’t follow through is that ignored by you or the group they are in?
3) Are your accountability partners vague about their acting out behaviors?
4) Do your accountability partners give you lots of advice and suggestions?
5) Is it unclear what your accountability partner wants/needs in terms of support through the week?
So, how healthy are your accountability friendships?
A “YES” to any of these questions is a red flag.
No one wants an unhealthy and ineffective recovery group or friendship. To form and sustain a healthy group it takes several key ingredients:
Equal Need and Equal Availability
Asking Good Questions
We will cover these three ingredients more in detail over the next several weeks. But, here is a quick summary of what’s ahead.
Equal Need and Equal Availability is about finding the right person(s) for you when it comes to an accountability partner or recovery friend. Our next blog will teach you how to communicate your needs and expectations to your accountability partners.
Carefrontation is a way to compassionately confront a friend when they are faltering in their recovery. This can be a tough ingredient to incorporate into your recovery friendship but it could make all the difference in the world.
Asking Good Questions is key because it will help your accountability partner learn from their relapses and help them move to the next level in their recovery journey.
Until next time…Stay Connected
You can learn more about us at www.rtribe.org