Short answer: MAYBE! But there’s a lot that goes into that conclusion starting with this blog post https://thiswildwakingjourney.wordpress.com/2014/04/23/can-men-be-friends-with-women-theyre-sexually-attracted-to/, which is the inspiration for my blog post.
What I find the most interesting about all of this is that there seems to be a groundswell of consciousness concerning all of these related matters, porn, Karezza and a somewhat more enlightened view of interaction between the genders, such as the blog post I cited reagarding the ability for a man to maintain a friendship with a woman that he finds attractive.
This last matter is something that I’ve wondered about for years. If you go by the “rules” of society it would seem to be both impossible and a moral failure at the same time. The problem is that these “rules” are arbitrary and capricious in nature. In the final analysis, the “rules” are merely the lowest common denominator of the opinions of anyone that happens to be observing. Obviously, there needs to be more.
Some time back I made an interesting observation: a normal person will continue to meet interesting and desirable people throughout their lifetime. If a person has a long term relationship in place it’s not realistic to imagine that this will exempt them from meeting someone else that is a great match sooner or later. Of course, reality is never so straightforward. This may sound like random musings but the stakes are high; our economic stability is greatly bolstered by stable relationships, life partners jointly owning homes, and working together to build a stable future.
With that in mind, I have concluded that society has really botched the subject of the relationship between the genders. I really liked that article because it dared to speak of a new possibility. Sexual tension, between the genders, has been the ultimate hippopotamus in the room. It seems to be avoided, ignored and simply to admit that it exists is a social faux pas in any situation outside of romance. I see it differently.
If we have boundaries in place to prevent us from doing something socially detrimental, sexual tension can be a positive force. We can appreciate the gifts and emotional energy that each gender brings to life’s situations without declaring either to be inferior. It’s more like two differing viewpoints that help to illuminate any situation and make for greater understanding. Simply stated the genders should not be at war, we have too much to offer one another and too much to gain by working together. But it all hinges upon setting of boundaries so that people can operate without feeling the need to be defensive. Right now, both genders are on the defensive.
The journey of my reboot has educated me about all of this to some extent. I’ve often said that the porn addiction problem is the tip of a huge iceberg and the distorted relationship between the genders is a major part of that iceberg. Most of the information available to me back in the early seventies stated that porn was harmless and that masturbation was normal. How many people have grown up believing these to be absolute truths? How many women have altered their outlooks because of having been exposed to numerous young males that are addicted to porn? The expectation of most young women is that they will be objectified. They may even base their self worth on the level of unhealthy attention that they can generate; not because such attention is desirable but because they are unaware that any other kind of attention even exists.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. We can rise above our base instincts and use our reasoning ability to find a middle ground. Women should not have to lve in a constant state of defense from continuous sexual pressure and both genders can enjoy one another’s compnionship without the expectation of sexual activity. We can allow sexual tension to be a positive, energizing force that makes life more interesting.
There are a number of women in my life with whom I will never share so much as a kiss. I appreciate them as women and appreciate that they bring insights into my life that my masculine brain never seems to develop on its own. One of the most memorable moments of my life was a sweet phone conversation with a woman I think highly of. She had been through a lot in her life and just by talking and listening to her talk I was able to experience a great feeling of joy and satisfaction because I had helped her to feel relaxed, and cared about. It was as sweet of a moment as I can ever remember and it was simply two friends appreciating one another’s company, knowing that we didn’t have to be on the defensive. Sexual relationships are great, but there’s a lot to be said for baring your soul in a safe friendship.