With a good explanation of the mechanism of porn addiction I have been able to break free, and every day I feel a profound sense of newfound freedom because I no longer am a slave to compulsive sexual behaviors.
While YBOP deals mostly with the “how” of porn addiction and the mechanism behind it I am increasingly interested in understanding why porn attracted me in the first place. This is especially important in view of the fact that porn holds no interest for me whatsoever at this point. If you were to place a porn clip in front of me it wouldn’t even hold my interest these days; but for most of my life it would have gotten my full attention until I had masturbated to climax, or perhaps to the point of exhaustion.
I have to say that I seem to have reached another plateau of new normalcy. I feel like the whole thing is behind me now. I recently spent a couple of days in a large city that had a number of raunchy strip joints within 1/4 mile of my hotel room and I found them a whole lot less tempting than I could have imagined a few years ago. It has become distasteful to even think about. Something has changed within my psyche and I realize that the cure for loneliness and boredom is not to be found with illicit entertainment. I think this directly impacts the ability of such prospects to trigger me. It’s like I’ve outgrown it, just like an adult outgrows eating junk food as they did when they were a kid. I no longer idealize the false excitement of cheap thrills. I see the porn world as a bit pathetic, not unlike the way I view kids with loud mufflers and oversized spoilers on their cars.
I’ve heard of alcoholics being told that “the solution to [your] problem isn’t at the bottom of a bottle” and I think this is a similar thing. If someone thinks that the solution to their sexual frustration can be found in the world of artificial sexual stimulation they might seek such a solution, but, obviously, never find it, because artificial sexual stimulation can not satisfy the emotional elements of sexual desire. Realizing that, porn, or even brief nudity in a non-porn film, loses its allure. It’s hard to trigger someone once they realize that the well is dry, so to speak.
This leads me to one of my theories regarding the pornographic effect. “Ultimately, porn works because some people envy what they see portrayed.” Other people do not envy the sights in porn, which to my satisfaction, explains the many people that have no interest in porn whatsoever. If one does not envy what they see, porn has no effect on them, just the same as seeing animals mate has no effect on psychologically normal humans. We don’t envy animals when we observe them mating and I can’t say that I’ve ever met a person that was aroused by the sight.
Porn doesn’t interest me for the same reason that I ordered a side of vegetables with today’s lunch. I ordered the vegetables because they are nutritious and worthwhile. I could have bought a candy bar and received more calories for less money, but the lasting effects are quite different. A candy bar will spike my blood sugar followed by a drop in blood sugar and lethargy. You will take in calories but any satisfaction of appetite will be short lived. Vegetables are just the opposite, they don’t spike your blood sugar or trigger a huge release of insulin. Instead they provide a lot of nutrition and are low in calories. It’s a better deal. The effects are longer lived.
Porn, a trip to the strip club, or time spent looking through Craigslist ads for casual sex are much like candy. The excitement peaks quickly and is followed by a reduction in mood. One can gorge on such entertainment for hours on end, but there will never be any lasting satisfaction because, at the end of the day, there is no substance to it. No bonds are formed, no lasting good can come from it. Orgasm and ejaculation are pleasurable sensations, but they are not the source of lasting satisfaction.