Kicking a bad habit is utterly satisfying and empowering, but it takes work, and often it’s the first few days that prove to be the greatest challenge.
I’ve been asked many times: “How did you give porn up for good, you know, without relapsing?” My answer? It’s a choice that you make daily. Just as with any addiction, that choice does become easier over time and there are a number of things you can do that will help you get through it and be more dedicated to the choice you’re making.
Here is a list of habits you can do every day that will indirectly help you rewire and reboot and start taking your life back from an all-consuming PMO habit.
1. Constructive Exercise
We all know the great benefits of exercise, so this one goes without saying. However, I want to point out to you that there’s a difference between exercising just because the article you read on rebooting said so, and because you have a goal that you are working towards. The goal here is not to buff up, or to look your best (although that’s a great side effect!), the goal here is to feel your best. Exercise your way to happy and healthy again. By all means, use exercise as a way of getting outside, and even as a replacement habit. And whenever you feel that pull towards porn, nip a night of PMO in the bud by hitting the ground and doing 30 pushups.
Outdoor exercises are excellent for rebooting. Go jogging after getting out of bed early, take up an outdoor team sport that connects you to people and will help build your confidence, or get involved in an activity that lets you train towards a long-term objective – like a marathon.
2. Becoming an early riser and maximizing productivity:
Somewhere in the middle of my reboot I realized a very powerful lesson – it took me a number of days to come to the conclusion that productivity is also a choice. It stands to reason then, that not being productive is a choice too. You may not feel at your best, your body and mind may completely resist your decision to be a well-performing and productive human being, but believe me if you can push through all of that resistance, you are rewarded with level-headed, clear and concise thinking, which is precisely the sort of thing you need to further your goals.
Productivity is not just about keeping busy, rather it’s about the amazing sense of achievement that ticking each task, goal or project off the list brings. Knowing that you’ve succeeded in getting it done right and doing it well is the key here.
Rising early does wonders for re-aligning your priorities and this indirectly decreases the risk of getting caught up in that night-owl lifestyle that is so conducive to PMO. You have the added benefit of being able to utilize a few more hours every day. If you’re in a relationship you may find you have more time and energy to enjoy your partner than you did before.
3. Guided relaxation exercises
If you’re feeling anxious about something, whether it stems from your PMO habit, something that may be getting to you at work, or general life stress, it’s very easy to turn to porn to find ways of dealing (or escaping) from the problem. Relaxation exercises can help with that.
Most guided relaxation exercises have you lay down (or sit comfortably and reclined), focus on deep, slow breaths, while contracting and releasing your muscles. This does a few things:
1. It teaches you to breath slowly, which can reduce stress, lower blood pressure and help lower general anxiety.
2. It releases the tension that gets built up in your muscles, and teaches you what it feels like for your muscles to be truly relaxed. Once you get a sense for when your muscles are storing tension, you’ll start to catch yourself starting to tense up. This tension awareness is key to defeating stress in your daily life.
You can find a detailed description of the techniques here.
4. Meditation
Similar to relaxation exercises which train your body to relax, meditation literally trains your brain to be in the moment and builds your willpower.
Meditation doesn’t require daunting amounts of time, or energy and is such a simple and effective way of enhancing your own willpower. You do however need willpower in abundance if you truly want to kick that habit. Starting with just three minutes a day in the beginning will already offer positive results and will give you three minutes a day of pure peace.
Just recently I was given an effective meditation tip and it entails letting your mind wander. Most of us think that meditation is all about shutting things down and keeping negative thoughts out. Of course, that’s the eventual goal but you can’t arrive at your destination if you’re not willing to navigate the busy train terminals. Meditation is similar. For the first while, allow your mind to guide you and be sure to free yourself of the control you impose on your own thoughts. Just think. Take note of what you’re thinking and how you end up there, and gently bring your focus back to the moment and your breathing. This is what “calming the mind” is all about, and eventually you’ll feel more at peace. When you reach this peace, you can begin willfully guiding your thoughts.
5. Write a Journal
Diarizing your path to recovery can be excellent therapy. I realize that many of you will shy away from both the words “journal” and “therapy”, but the results speak for themselves and I urge you to at least give it a try. It’s also an excellent tool to track your own growth, allowing you excellent insight into how your addiction works. After some time, you’re likely to find clues in your writing that can help you find the root of your PMO habit.
You don’t have to write essays, you don’t even have to have good spelling and grammar. Some days you may just write the date, on others you’ll write a mini-novel.
Good old pen and paper is a secure choice, just in case you’re tempted to quickly switch to a “more exciting” activity.
6. Spend time outside
Even without doing exercises, just being outdoors still offers immense value for rebooting and recovering from a porn addiction. The fresh air, sunshine, and space all do wonders for your well-being. Addiction causes us to withdraw and isolate ourselves, while being outdoors and open to the experience encourages exploration and discovery. Suddenly, we’re forced to become ambitious (in a general sense), create connections and rely on the body and mind.
It’s a great confidence builder and a powerful antidote to the emotional destruction a porn addiction causes. Amazing things can happen when you force yourself to leave the house every day.
Above all, though, I’d like to urge you to practice the single most important habit that will help set you down the right path and rewire you, for good. Make the choice to choose, every day.
Your porn addiction isn’t kind. It won’t give you a day off, just because. Sometimes it’ll kick you when you’re already down — that’s the nature of any addiction. Choosing to stand firm is your way of saying “enough! You can’t get me this time or the next, and I’m better for it.”
OTHER NEWS: Just a few more days left in the contest for reboot success stories. More info here: Contest
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