Before I start let me just say I have nothing against people who identify as LGBT, this is about me finding my own identity. Before I started nofap I thought I was bisexual, I was jerking 3-4 times a day (at least), looking at so much porn, I fantasized about being with other men, I still liked women but I thought being with a guy would be a nice experience, I was so confused
I am in my late 20s and I had never had any same sex attraction in my life. I knew that my homosexual feelings weren’t normal [for me], 2 reasons, 1 there was only very specific physical aspects that I was attracted to, I was in no way emotionally attracted and second I was in my late 20s when i felt this way.
I decided to do nofap in the middle of last year, and since then Ive had no same-sex attractions at all. Women are so much more appealing. Even women who dont look like bikini models and porn stars look like goddesses, in fact I started seeing one, and I’m so happy being with her. Nofap works guys, this is the happiest ive ever been in my life.
LINK – I was confused with my own sexual identity until I started nofap.
MORE DETAILS – I want to share my Porn and masturbation story…
I posted how porn had caused sexual confusion in my life, I feel like I want to share my full story. This may get a little graphic.
It started with a movie…
I was 14 years old when I was watching a movie with some friends one night, the movie had some pretty raunchy scenes in it, something that nowadays I would see as extremely tame, and the 14 year old me was mesmerised by it. Early the next morning I sneaked onto mum and dads computer and typed ‘porn’… That morning I jerked off for the first time.
What followed was 15 years of living in shame, I was going to church in my late teens and became a Christian, porn became a dirty secret that I couldn’t tell my best friend about. I had been caught fairly quickly looking at porn, but that didn’t stop, Until I was 17 I was still looking at websites of models and even rented mainstream movies (example Conan The Barbarian and Starship Troopers) just to watch the nudity, I was jerking at least 4 times a day. When I was 17 I finally got internet access to my computer and started looking at hardcore porn again.
My perversions got worse and worse, at first I was just into vanilla, but soon, it wasn’t enough by my early 20s, I started watching more extreme fetishes, hentai, bondage, peeing, shemales, mind-control, orgasm denial and having a fantasy that I wanted a harem of hundreds of women that had no other desire in life than to satisfy me. Eventually it got to the point where I was looking at a wanton woman in ecstasy and saw the man’s penis as kind of a pleasure bringer…. I felt like I wanted that too, and started fantasising about being with a guy.
I was like this for years, I was watching so much porn, even sitting in the corner desk at uni so I could watch porn on my phone, during my breaks at work spending 10 minutes watching and jerking in the cubicle, I couldn’t even sleep unless I watched porn and jerked, and even couldn’t get out of bed unless I did it.
I couldn’t approach women, not at all since I was a teenager, I felt guilty, shameful couldn’t even talk to a woman because I was scared it would be too awkward. I could not deal with the shame. I also struggled with anxiety, unemployment and depression.
Eventually I realised that I had to stop, and I just was fed up with the guilt, shame and secrets. I just stopped, I stopped watching and through urge surfing, cold showers, filtering software and sheer willpower I quit porn, a few months later I started Nofap, I’ve been practising Nofap for less than a year and already I feel fully healed. I have more energy, I’m less stressed, and I’m much more confident around women, my whole perspective on women has changed, Women who don’t look like supermodels or porn stars looked heaps more attractive than before. I’ve even started dating someone a few months ago for the first time in over ten years. I feel like a beast that could grab a bulls horns. Life has never been better.
MORE – My story of porn addiction and recovery
It started with a movie…
I was 14 years old when I was watching a movie with some friends one night, the movie had some pretty raunchy scenes in it, something that nowadays I would see as extremely tame, and the 14 year old me was mesmerised by it. Early the next morning I sneaked onto mum and dads computer and typed ‘porn’… That morning I jerked off for the first time.
What followed was 15 years of living in shame, I was going to church in my late teens and became a Christian, porn became a dirty secret that I couldn’t tell my best friend about. I had been caught fairly quickly looking at porn, but that didn’t stop, Until I was 17 I was still looking at websites of models and even rented mainstream movies (example Conan The Barbarian and Starship Troopers) just to watch the nudity, I was jerking at least 4 times a day. When I was 17 I finally got internet access to my computer and started looking at hardcore porn again.
My perversions got worse and worse, at first I was just into vanilla, but soon, it wasn’t enough, by my early 20s I had developed more extreme fetishes, hentai, bondage, peeing, shemales, mind-control, orgasm denial and having a fantasy that I wanted a harem of hundreds of women that had no other desire in life than to satisfy me. Eventually it got to the point where I was looking at a wanton woman in ecstasy and saw the man’s penis as kind of a pleasure bringer…. I felt like I wanted that too, and started fantasising about being with a guy.
I was like this for years, I was watching so much porn, even sitting in the corner desk at uni so I could watch porn on my phone, during my breaks at work spending 10 minutes watching and jerking in the cubicle, I couldn’t even sleep unless I watched porn and jerked, and even couldn’t get out of bed unless I did it.
I couldn’t approach women, not at all since I was a teenager, I felt guilty, shameful couldn’t even talk to a woman because I was scared it would be too awkward. I could not deal with the shame. I also struggled with anxiety, unemployment and depression.
My life was a mess, I had walked out of one job due to anxiety and started working a temp contract with one of the biggest IT companies in the world, I had gone for a permenant position and had been passed over for a hot blonde who had no IT experience. I was unemployed for the second time within a year.
For about a week I just sat in my room and did little else but hide in my room, watch porn and jerk. I was talking to one of my friends from Church and he said that he had a dark period of porn and told me how harmful porn was, and something just clicked, generally I don’t watch porn when I’m away with my friends and I decided that the three days were a good head start. I got home and put filtering software on my computer. But I would continue to jerk off about 4-10 times a day. I found that it was incredibly difficult to get hard. Fapping took twice as long to orgasm and the orgasms weren’t that good because I couldn’t get hard no matter how hard I tried.
2 months later I was surfing reddit and read about NoFap which is a challenge to go 90 days without masturbation, the next morning I was lying in bed and I had just fapped and something else clicked. I would go the 90 days without fapping. The first two weeks or so were incredibly difficult; I would drink to prevent myself from fapping (as fapping with a full bladder would cause my penis to hurt). Two weeks later I noticed that my penis was all shriveled and much smaller than before, but it felt good in a sense, I could feel my body healing. I was also much more confident around women, and I felt that women wanted to talk to me. My speech around women was alot clearer and less awkward. My boners returned, and almost every morning my penis is incredibly hard. I also noticed that my homosexual desires had diminished and for the first time in years I was no longer confused about my sexual orientation.
I started pursuing a girl I really liked. A month into this, she friend-zoned me and I was heartbroken, 60 days into Nofap I relapsed. I felt like crap afterwards but looking back there was a positive side, It took me seconds to get hard, came very quickly and I didn’t even look at porn to do it and it was still the most incredible orgasm i’d felt in a long time, and there was so much semen. I also realized that the girl wasn’t everything, someone else would come along.
50 days into Nofap I also got a new job, and it’s the best job I’ve ever had, I’m less stressed and no longer count down hours before home time. I noticed that my anxiety had gone way down; I was no longer awkwardly approaching the boss for fear of getting fired. I love my job and my life. I am also much closer to God and started doing devotionals and bible reading again. I also started seeing another girl at the end of last year. We’re not in a relationship yet, but we’ve been on a few dates and I love where it’s going, we have great communication and that’s even boosted my confidence even more. Having now completed the 90 day challenge, my life has done a full 180, I’m a man now and no longer the little boy that died 9 months ago. Nofap is the best, I recommend it to anyone.
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