150+ Days NoFap Hard Mode today.
but streaks are BS, because it is “one day at a time”. My “willpower” did not accomplish this.
An absolute blessing to be freed from the curse of constant arousal, objectification, sexual fantasy, and urges.
I can sleep easily with the phone next to my bed every night again. I have no desire to look at P anymore.
I was on this site relapsing continuously for 6 years. Eventually I couldn’t take it anymore and was planning my suicide and illegal stuff.
I got so desperate I decided to try something I hated (!!) – going to 12 Step meetings. Those stupid religious nutbags and their sad, boring meetings.
…but I was out of options. I heard meetings were online now, so at least that might be better.
It took me a bit to find ones that really “clicked” where people talking had good sobriety. And to find out I didn’t need to be relgious helped me a lot.
But getting a sponsor working through the 12 Steps (quickly, with daily homework) changed my life.
I used to binge 6-8 hours a day in fetish video sites and sex chats. I don’t miss it one bit.
It’s hard t believe where I’m at is real…yet here I am.
What I realize today more than anything, is the difference between sobriety and recovery.
I know lots of people with more sobriety than me. I spoke to a sponsee sex addict this week with 9+ months sober.
Of course, he’s doing kinky sh*t with his gf and is getting his “fix”. I told him he’s “sober” in air-quotes. He wasn’t interested in making the recovery work a top priority and to go to any lengths to get sober. Last time he hit rock bottom, he tried to kill himself and failed. We’ll see if he survives his next slip.
I wouldn’t trade this sobriety for someone with 2 years right now. I’ve heard those people in meetings — not working recovery, not sponsoring, not helping others. They are on borrowed time, in my opinion. Or maybe they aren’t true chronic hopeless addicts.
I am that type.
I am the guy who relapses until he’s in physical pain.
I am the guy who goes on binges for days, weeks, months.
I watch P until my back, arm, and eyes hurt so much I have to finally sleep when the dawn has already come.
I’m the guy who skipped meals and rest to wake up first thing and watch more P again.
I’m the guy who spent most waking hours browsing fetish sites for insane, degrading content and trying to re-enact it in sex chats and AI.
Now, I am living a life that’s so far superior to what was before. I feel “comfortable in my own skin” and calm, serene even most of the time.
I garden, I cook fresh food. I go to farmers markets. I help people in the community, and am always supporting the next PMO addict who wants to get sober.
I volunteer and I exercise every 1-2 days. The weight of the world doesn’t crush me with its problems anymore. I feel optimistic and friendly most of the time. I have no troubles getting dates or talking to women anymore. I don’t feel “FOMO” for being single. I don’t have to manage triggers or put blockers on my devices or disconnect my Internet. I am free.
There are ups and downs. There are many tough spots ahead I’m sure. But I survived 2 weeks of extreme physical agony this month and not once did I have an urge for P. That is truly a fantastic change of circumstances. and I owe it all to those damn 12 Steps I used to hate so much, and the daily support community here on NoFap.
Thank you all for being part of my journey. Especially @MrVerdant @Mackenzie the King @ANewFocus @stmos @I am a Sex Addict @jae hands off and many other awesome Fapstronauts that chat with me here and help. We are stronger together!!
If anyone reading this wants more info and stuff, feel free to check out some posts of my story here.
Free from the curse of constant arousal with 12 Steps
