What happens when watching porn becomes an addiction, and then spills over into an expensive real-world habit? Martin Daubney talks to a young man whose life was almost ruined
Rundeep, 23, is a pornographer’s dream: one of the estimated ten per cent of users whose initial consumption of free porn turns into an expensive, paid-for experience: in his case, escort girls.
Rundeep, from Birmingham, doesn’t really know how much money he spent on real-sex encounters. But having used up to 900 girls at an average £50 a time, a conservative estimate might put it in the region of £45,000.
When people say: “how do pornographers make money out of giving away free porn?” Rundeep is a living, breathing answer.
I first met Rundeep in October 2013 after I’d just finishing filming my Channel 4 TV show, Porn On The Brain. I spent a raw and intensely personal weekend with him (and another 19-year-old porn “addict” called Calum) at the Hall Recovery Course, a residential “porn rehab” course ran by Paula Hall, the UK’s number one sex and porn addiction psychotherapist.
Today, I will be interviewing Rundeep live on stage at the Southbank Centre’s Women of the World Festival. I persuaded him to come along because he explodes the myth of what a porn or sex “addict” looks like: he is handsome, shy, eloquent, in full-time work, and superficially so very ordinary.
I wanted to show WoW’s largely female, feminist audience that male porn and sex “addicts” aren’t tainted, monstrous, woman-haters with a thirst for sexual violence, but can be ordinary, vulnerable young men who can also become manipulated and damaged by the industry.
While Rundeep’s case is extreme, porn can, in a sense, turn men into victims, too. Here is his story.
“I started using porn when I left school at 16 and a half, because everybody was doing it. But it didn’t give me enough. I looked at the girls in porn and thought: I want to have real sex with them, not just masturbate looking at them.
“Then I noticed the small adverts on the XVideos.com website saying, ‘Meet girls in your area’. I randomly clicked on one and it put me through to an escort site where girls were up for it if you paid them.
“I was nervous at first – at up to £100 for half an hour it seemed like crazy money, but I decided to treat myself on my 18th birthday to my first escort.
“I met her in a hotel 20 minutes away from where I lived and paid £80 for half an hour. I just got this enormous buzz. I couldn’t think of anything better. I got dominated: tied up. I’d never done anything like that, it was crazy.
“Soon, porn wasn’t doing it for me. I got more and more into the escorts. Within seven or eight weeks, it got out of control. I’d travel all the way to Manchester once a week and pay the same girl £100 a time. I had regulars in Manchester, Liverpool, Birmingham, Leeds – I’d got them all over the place.
“Every month I was skint and had to borrow money, but didn’t tell anybody what I was doing. I was still living at home and spending my entire salary – over a grand a month – on escorts.
“Six months in, one of the girls said, ‘Why don’t you get into porn yourself? Instead of spending money you could make money’. They told me they could earn up to £3000 a week, and it’s all cash.
“I can see why people could get into it. The money, the buzz, is addictive. Getting paid to have sex with porn stars – I can’t think of a better job that that. I thought, ‘Maybe this is meant to be?’ because I couldn’t control doing it. I spoke to a couple of porn stars and they encouraged me to do it. I arranged a test shoot but didn’t turn up. I didn’t want to ruin my reputation for later in life.
“I started to fall for one of the girls and asked her out. She was married – I didn’t know that. But then she split up with him and we gave it a go for a couple of weeks. But she was still an escort and wouldn’t stop – she made her living from that.
“It upset me but the kudos of dating a porn star was big. My mates thought I was a legend. I got noticed, I had the life I wanted with a beautiful girl and she gave me great sex. I couldn’t ask for more.
“But it didn’t work. I wanted to settle down, I wanted kids, but she didn’t. She was 32 and I was 20.
“Every time I used an escort, I had the buzz going there, and coming out, but half an hour later it was gone. Then, I wanted another one. The girls thought I was crazy. A couple of nights I’d use four or five girls and blow all my money. I never got tired, I wanted more, even after the fifth one. I knew it couldn’t carry on.
“The stress of debt and people calling me up for money became so great that I thought about topping myself. I had deep depression. I owed friends thousands and I got into a couple of fights.
“The two things that saved me were going on TV and boxing. Going onto TV made me realise this life wasn’t for me. I managed to control my thoughts. I took up boxing again and controlled my anger and thoughts.
Bit by bit, I got off the porn, but it’s hard because porn is on phones, laptops, everywhere. Now, I don’t want it as much, but I still turn to porn and sex the way others turn to drugs. It’s like an addiction. It’s under control, but it’s still there.
The last time I watched porn was two weeks ago, but it’s now only twice a month. I haven’t used an escort since December.
“I probably slept with 800-900 women in five years. I spent every penny I earned and more. I could have bought a nice house instead. “I’m still paying off my last loan and I’ll finally be debt-free in May.
“I’ve finally got my self-respect now. That’s priceless.”
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