I started with my first nofap experiment 3,5 years ago. I just broke up with my girlfriend, I watched too much porn in the relationship and I ran away from my problems through porn and masturbation. I was so addicted to porn that I chose porn over sex, yes I know…“Thomas, I’m not addicted to porn, I just like fapping, you know? There is nothing wrong with that right?”
Definitely not, you are free to choose whatever you want. But you have to know that there is another way then this and it may or may not be more satisfying. Here is a quick challenge to see if you are addicted to porn or not. (If you are not sure that you are addicted try this out and then come back) The challenge is to stop watching porn and masturbation for 7 days. If you can’t pass 7 days or have withdrawl experiences then you are addicted. Try it out and then come back. (Bookmark this if you have to)
When I broke up with my girlfriend I decided that I couldn’t let porn and masturbation lead my life. I decided that I needed to take control again. I needed to redesign my life.
That was the start and now 3,5 years later, I made it to day 100, with over 50-75 relapses. Lucky for you I learned a lot from those relapses.
Here I made an article to overcome porn addiction in 12 steps: http://personalgrowth.eu/personalgrowth/overcoming-porn-addiction-in-12-easy-steps-heal-the-root-of-your-porn-addiction/
Feel free to check it out
I didn’t really have an easy time overcoming porn addiction, porn and masturbation was always there, when: I was bored, was overwhelmed by emotions, needed a way out of obligations. Porn and masturbation was a big escape from life for me. And that’s why it was so hard to overcome. Will it be hard for you? I honestly can’t say, if you find the RIGHT advice and tips then porn addiction can be overcome easily.
I will provide you with a little advice that I learned from my mistakes:
1. Willpower alone, doesn’t work:
You see a lot of people say “You just have to stay strong, don’t give up.” and although this is true, it also isn’t this easy. Willpower is necessary for making decisions. When we have used our willpower during the day then we will have little willpower left to make though decisions. This is because willpower is finite. When we have little willpower we make decisions that are easy.
To overcome this, you have to make a good strategy. Here is an article with a lot of tips: http://personalgrowth.eu/nofap/how-to-stop-masturbating/
2. Relapse is not failure:
Fuck, you relapsed, you failed right? No. You didn’t get rebooted BUT you have the opportunity learn, a lot. When you relapsed (or about to relapse) then this is the moment to learn. To ask questions and figure out what the root problem is of your addiction.
Here are a few questions to guide you:
“What did I needed porn and masturbation for?”
“What al I running away from?”
“How do I feel now?”
“What does porn and masturbation help me deal with?”
“What am I covering up?”
“What triggered me?”
“What happend before I got triggered?”
It is important that you start asking questions. Every question will provide you with an answer which will bring you closer to the root of your addiction. But if you fail to ask questions, then you have failed.
Ideally you ask questions before you relapse, so don’t relapse on purpose.
3. Heal the root of your addiction, overcome your addiction:
“Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain. Every addiction starts with pain and ends with pain. Whatever the substance you are addicted to – alcohol, food, legal or illegal drugs, or a person – you are using something or somebody to cover up your pain.” – Eckhartt Tole
I’m a strong believer that every addiction starts with a root problem. Something that you are trying to cover up.
“Thomas I started fapping at a very young age, I won’t remember what the problem was.”
Just because you started fapping and watching porn didn’t mean you were addicted at that time. I think you start without an addiction, but fapping and watching porn makes addiction possible. It is like drinking alcohol, you do it at parties for fun. But if something bad happens in your life, you have laid the foundation for your addiction and you grab the bottle or in your case masturbation and porn.
If we are able to heal the root of our addiction. Then we are able to overcome porn addiction in no time. I will make another post and video about the root of your addiction soon.
4. Staying busy doesn’t work:
“Stay busy!” this is a very commen advice. But it is not effective, you can’t stay busy 24/7. If you have difficulty with the urge when there is nothing to do then you have a problem with boredom. You haven’t really learned to deal with it. Which is okay, but there is one effective exercise that can help you.
This exercise is simple: just expose yourself to 3-6 minutes (or more) of boredom each day. You are not allowed to do anything during those minutes. This may be hard at first, but it will get better over time. This will also solve your problem with boredom.
Made a video about it here.
5. Nofap is NO Magic Pill:
A lot of people think that nofap will change their life. And although nofap will change their life in some way, it is no magic pill. It will not magically change your life. BUTTTTT!!! You will. Nofap will give you the fuel to change your life, it takes away your lazyness and makes you want to live and redesign your life.
But your life will not change if you don’t change your life. You won’t get a six pack if you don’t do the work. So a question for you, who do you want to become?
The Nofap Benefits
Disclaimer: Nofap is no magic pill, it will not magically change your life. Without doing the work your won’t experience these nofap benefits. Nofap = fuel: it will help you doing the needed work.
1. Crushed my social anxiety:
In the past I was very shy, I was always over-thinking what I wanted to order, my social anxiety kicked in, in the most commen situations. Over the last 3,5 years I can say that my social anxiety has disappeared for at least 92%. Is this because of nofap? No, but nofap helped me to want to live again, it stopped numbing my emotions and experiences. This way I had the desire to go out.
I did a lot of exposure therapy because of this desire and this together with my other exercises cured my social anxiety.
2. Confidence Boosted:
Over the years my confidence increased a lot. From the shy guy I worked myself up, I do not like to say that I’m an Alpha male. Because that is pretty egoistic to say, but I definitely have more confidence, a better self-esteem and take the lead a LOT more.
Your confidence will increase because of nofap because you stop rejecting yourself. This will make you able to improve your self-esteem. Remember nofap is no magic pill, you will have to do other work to. Expose therapy for example. But the thing I found the most effective for your confidence is dealing with the inner critic (the voice) and your negative belief. (More posts & videos on that later)
3. Wanting to live life:
Every addiction numbs your emotions and your experience. Nofap took this numbness away. Which gave me the desire to live. I can’t say that I appreciate life every moment of the day. But I do appreciate it a lot more then before. I no longer want to escape in any way, I want to experience.
4. Clear mind:
When you numb yourself, you do not only numb your emotions you also numb your mind. And over time you develop brain fog. You are not able to think clearly, you are not able to observe memories. It is like there is a constant cloud in your brain.
Nofap + meditation will remove this cloud. And will make you able to dream, think, feel and observe memories better. This will enrich your life.
5. No more Erectile Dysfunction [ED]
In the beginning of the article I said that I started this journey after I broke up with my girlfriend. In the relationship I suffered from erectile dysfunction. I couldn’t get it up during sex. And this frustrated her a lot, this really got under her skin. You have to imagine how rejecting that would feel.
After those years of battling porn addiction I can happily say that I no longer suffer from ED.