I have been actively facing no PMO for about 2 years. During those 2 years I have had major ups, major downs, and everything in-between. Going from a multiple-year habit to stopping cold turkey is not an easy task, at all. Even to this date I still have slip ups, but I am happy to say that during my time with this community that the slip ups happen WAY less, and it is only a matter of time before I am able to finally feel 100% rebooted.
Now let’s talk about my personal issue. It is typically the average NoFap story, through my teen years I fapped multiple times a day. As time went on and my habit continued, my preferences of porn began to get more and more abnormal, eventually causing me to only get off to very specific categories of porn.
In highschool I met the girl who became the love of my life. We were each others first love, took each other’s virginities, that kind of relationship. Everything was great, except for when it came to sexy time. I noticed that I could only truly become aroused when the things we did were more extreme, and not really the slower and intimate things.
Whenever we tried being intimate in bed, I couldn’t get my soldier up to save my life which both hurt myself, and more importantly her. She began feeling less beautiful, I began developing major anxiety over the thought of sex, and eventually we broke up. Im not going to say that sex was the absolute reason we broke up, but it was a factor. There was nothing more I wanted than to show this girl how beautiful she was and how much I did love her.
I stumbled upon YourBrainOnPorn one night (AMAZING website, check it out if you haven’t) and when I finished reading about other people going through what I was and what the problem was, I balled my eyes out. Finally, I found the issue, and found what I needed to do in order to better myself but damn I never knew how hard it would be. Like I said, I am still battling against PMO as I will be my whole life but I would like to share some things about why this community makes me a tad upset.
- I see posts about people saying if they slip up then their “streak” is over and beat themselves up over it. NoFap is not easy, sex is something us bros need to function in life, it’s a part of living. NoFap shouldn’t be about a number of days, but a lifestyle. Everyone slips up sometimes, and if you do please remember it is OK. Don’t hate yourself, don’t think all the progress you made is over, just reflect on what triggered you and act on not associating with that trigger again. I’m not saying it isn’t okay to set a goal of how long you abstain, but something important my mom told me was to never think too far ahead. Sometimes rather than thinking “what can I do to make myself better by that period,” think “what can I do to make myself better today.” Better yet, think “What can I do to make myself better in this hour.” Each day you either fapped or you didn’t, and if you didn’t then awesome keep up the good work bro! If you slipped up, then relax, keep your cool, and go back to no PMO the next day. I would often think about reaching that 90 day period, slip up halfway, and think I ruined my whole rebooting process. That isn’t the case though, as being able to go 45 days without fapping once is a major achievement in itself, be happy with the progress you make each day.
- The super power feeling. I feel like the way people throw this term around gives NoFap starters a false impression, as it did to me. I thought that if I stop PMO that all these magical things would happen and I would all of a sudden be the greatest dude on earth but it is not like that. Abstaining from PMO does give you much more energy than you thought you had (If you haven’t noticed, after a night of fapping you feel drained the next morning whereas no fapping the night before makes waking up much easier.) The energy, motivation, and drive you feel is the super power, but it is still up to you to go out, be active, and act on that.
- People acting like masturbation is worse than the devil winning the lottery. Masturbation is actually healthy for people, not addicts, in MODERATION. Masturbation was not healthy for me and most of us on here because I would do it 3-6 times daily for some time. That is not moderation, that is excessive. Because of that I have made the LIFESTYLE choice to not do it anymore, because I am an sex addict.
I chose to do this for a number of reasons. I want to stop looking at women as sex objects. I want to be able to understand how people feel, and care for them. There is nothing more I want than to be able to be intimate with a lovely lady, especially my ex girlfriend. We are cool now and talk, so I am motivated more than ever to maintain this lifestyle to hopefully win her back. If I don’t though, it is not the end of the world, as I made such great progress for myself. I have gotten to the point where even if i slip up, if I just go a day without fapping again then I feel much better, so imagine how I would feel after weeks, even months, and that is the motivation to stop.
Now let’s talk about the benefits I have witnessed myself during this time. (Excluding morning wood, harder erections because everyone knows that happens with NoFap.)
- More energy and motivation (super powers)
- MUCH less social anxiety (I’ve always been very social but not fapping just makes talking sooooo much easier. maintaining strong eye contact and keeping a confident posture becomes much easier as well. Now people here talk a lot about how females just walk up to them now that they have been not fapping for a nice time period. I believe this is linked to the confidence aspect, as you most likely are smiling more and seem like an approachable person.)
- Healthier hair (my hair is much less greasy and has much better texture to it, as someone else has mentioned in their post a few days ago.)
- Deeper voice (A lot of people say this happens to them and I dont think my voice has gotten deeper, but it projects much louder which is maybe what they mean.)
- Clearer skin (My skin doesn’t feel grainy and greasy, and it truly does start to have a glow to it after a time of no PMO.)
- I just feel happy to live in general. (I am not depressed, but no PMO has made me much more appreciative of the smaller things in life, and not be as irritable. Small things like a girl texting me first make me smile, because I know that person was thinking of me which is awesome.)
Lastly, I am not telling you what to do and how to run your methods of no PMO. I just wanted to express my story and the minor issues I have with this community. All of you are amazing people, and I know that each and every one of you can live the NoFap lifestyle, you just have to find it in yourselves. I love all of you and hope there are brighter days to come for those who feel they are stuck in darkness.