So, today I hit 90 days and I thought I’d share some thoughts and experiences. I’d like to start off by saying that if you expect another “I hit 90 days and now have unlimited supply of sexual partners, also 90% of my problems are gone” kind of post you’ll be disappointed.
Some background info:
I started to masturbate and watch porn regularly by the age of 11. At the time it was exciting and new and the idea that it would have any negative effects on me and my brain was unthinkable. However, my early interest psychology made me reflect on my relationship to porn and masturbation. I thought that consuming porn and masturbating and getting that rush of pleasure once in a while could have negative effects. I did draw a parallel to well known substance addiction, (cocaine, heroin etc) but it wasn’t enough to make any serious changes to my life, I was about 14-15 at the time. Fast forward a few years and the addiction really started to show its ugly sides, at this time, it was undoubtedly an addiction. I would watch porn at least once every day and whenever I felt stressed, angry, sad, depressed, PMO was my solution. The way I was thinking about other people, even those who were close to me, was insane. My ideals we’re really weird and my relationship to women at the time was horrible. I realized my problems and found forums and discussions that were similar to NoFap, the battle began. It was when i tried to quit I really realized what this had done to my mind and body, still, I found myself relapsing quite often, and for periods, give up on the recovery completely. It was about 8 months ago, when I found the NoFap forums and subreddit that I started to make bigger and bigger progress. The promise of attraction, happiness, success and all kinds of benefits fueled me. However, when I would reach longer streaks, I experienced few of the benefits, which lead to a relapse. Now, here’s what I think is a major issue with the NoFap community. We love to make assumptions about NoFap, promise all kinds of benefits, and we’re not shy to share it with others. It’s important to understand that I’m not saying that the benefits aren’t real, or that many people’s life haven’t been transformed cause of NoFap BUT I wish to present a different perspective of NoFap, one were the benefits are not purely based on exterior factors.
Through some deep inner work and reflection I’ve understood the real benefits. My biggest benefits are self-control, consciousness and integrity, learning how to confront my feelings and about the importance of personal development. This might sound disappointing if you compare other people’s claims about having amazing interactions with girls and having insane amounts of energy. But it’s not disappointing, it’s the most valuable lesson I have ever learned. The ability to say no to short-term pleasures, to get my ass to the gym or to go running, to cook a healthy meal instead of eating McDonalds and yes, once in a while say no to porn and fapping. It’s the ability to reflect upon yourself and see someone you’re proud of and not having any dark secrets. And of course this will reflect in your everyday life, in many ways, but still, mastering your relationships, creating success and achieving fulfillment takes a lot more effort. NoFap gives you a small piece of the puzzle, there’s still loads of other ways to improve yourself. To constantly look for ways to improve yourself and being open to new ideas and techniques, I believe, is key.
I’m writing this post to give this journey a deeper meaning for a lot of you, to realize that the change within is really the gold. To remind you that even though your progress might not reflect in your everyday life, you’re a different person and you know that.
Thank you so much for your support and encouragement, this community truly is amazing