90 days – I relapsed: I already noticed the major differences that going back to pornography makes in my daily life

Just messaged for a reset so I apologize if the counter isn’t right.

Initially, what drove me away from using porn was insistence from my girlfriend. This was at the beginning of our relationship, and I never took it seriously until we got to the point where we are at, talking about spending our lives together. I couldn’t keep on using and not being 100 percent with this. I just relapsed this week, I am not sure why exactly, but I already noticed the major differences that going back to pornography makes in my daily life, which is a major reason I am rededicating myself to quitting. I quit smoking, I have overcome obesity, I can do this.

1.) Watching porn makes me devalue the women in my life. When I finally got a good streak of no porn going, I felt like I spent more quality time with all women in my life, friends, my girlfriend, co-workers. When I relapsed, I immediately went back to comparing almost every girl I meet to someone who I have seen naked. It’s disgusting, and I want to go back to not thinking about it again.

2.) Surprisingly, nudity and sexuality in movies and other things like that really isn’t my trigger. I think I am addicted to the feelings associated to porn, the quiet usage, locking the door, the privacy, intimacy, maybe even the cleanup afterward. It’s a rush of emotions, I never feel pleased about using porn, it’s the relaxing feeling after that I seek. I am going to try to do more meditation and use some resources on this website, like urge surfing.

3.) Channeling your focus into literally anything else WORKS. Even if it’s playing video games, studying, whatever. The urge to use porn is less linked (for me) to needing a sexual urge fulfilled, it’s just like angst, and as a teen I started using porn to release that tension. As a man, I need to put this childish habit to bed.

4.) Being true to the self is so important. I firmly believe that porn makes my brain less functional, it’s like a crutch. However, I think that if you as a person don’t really want to change something, it will be so much harder to change. I quit smoking by forcing myself to despise the taste and smell of cigarettes. At first I was faking it, but now if I pass a person on the other side of the road smoking I can smell it and it makes my stomach knot up. I think you have to find the things you are doing distasteful before you will really change them. This is completely my opinion, I haven’t done any research about habit change from a negative standpoint like this, I am just sharing what has worked for me.

5.) Re-arrange your room. I am a full time student and I do a lot of work on the computer so limiting my screen time isn’t an option. When I first quit using, I cleaned and re-arranged my room, which I think really helped. It helped break my autopilot routine of porn using, because things were different in my room.

6.) Find something that motivates you, and make that your background/screensaver. When you get used to it, find another one. For me right now it is a Conor McGregor quote about doubt. “Doubt is only removed by action. If you’re not working on it, that’s where doubt comes in.” Having something that helps remind you of your decision really helped.

That is all I can write for now, I have a ton of studying to do, and I am going to get to it. I apologize for the word vomit, but I needed to type it all out in order to get back on the horse. Porn is not normal, I hope all of your journeys are either going well, and if they aren’t, like mine, I hope this helps you continue to recover. Peace and love, all of you.

LINK – Made it about three months, here are some things I have learned.

by benlikescheese