A bit of backstory: I’m a male teen, about to turn 15 in a few months. I discovered porn when I was 11 or so (didn’t start PMO’ing until I was around 12). Ever since that day, I’ve occasionally restrained myself from PMO by fantasizing, but a few weeks later, I would always look for more stimuli and it led to nudes and after that, porn. Then, I stopped myself and went back to fantasies.
That cycle continued on and on until I started getting more hooked onto porn this summer. I used to fap/PMO (depending on the phase of the cycle) every 2 days but now the habit turned to every single day (once a day only, luckily). I discovered NoFap in July and after a week, I realized how addicted I was (I felt like I was PMO’ing because I HAD TO, not because it felt good anymore) and decided to go for it HARD MODE!
The first week, I was being sloppy and the urge to PMO was very strong (my brain was like, WTF bro where’s my dopamine?), but then I deleted all my pics of hot girls I saved from 9GAG NSFW (no hate :D) and continued my journey.
Anyway, ever since I was born, I suffered from pinhole phimosis (yes, the foreskin inflates when I pee, so it can’t be “naturally” cured with time). I went to see my doctor, bought some prescribed topical cream and started stretching a week ago.
The thing with stretching is that I needed have a constant boner in order to make it easier to apply the cream and loosen the foreskin. That started when I was like 35 days in for NoFap.
For someone my age, I was very aware of how fake porn and all that stuff was (after reading behind-the-scenes articles of the porn industry). I had to practically force myself to fantasize and believe I was having “real” sex to get a boner. Sometimes, I would recall old porn memories, but they didn’t turn me on at all, so I was trying as a hard as I could to feel turned on.
So, today, I decided to take things a little bit further by touching the Corpus Spongiosum (is there an everyday term for this?) of my penis and make me get hard quicker so I could stretch. But then, that actually felt good for me so I continued to touch myself there while I was stretching. I had no idea someone could ejaculate from just touching the spongy part. I continued until I started feeling something from down there. At first, I wasn’t sure if I was about to ejaculate or not. Afterwards, I felt that rush coming up quickly, and I knew that if I stopped at that time, I would have been left with blue balls. And so I came.
But here’s the weird part: after I jacked off (not to porn, just to fantasies of this hot person I used to know), I didn’t feel anxious or depressed or guilty or anything like how I used to feel when I PMO’ed/MO’ed in the past. I still felt normal, confident and happy, like how I felt a few weeks after I started NoFap. I’m not sure if I will get the chaser effect, but right now, writing this article a few hours after the incident, I still feel as happy as ever! In fact, my brain (and penis :D) is fully aware of how bad fake stimuli from small pixels and fake fantasies are.
I’m not sure, but I think I might have successfully rebooted in less than the usual 60 or 90 days! I still feel more confident talking to girls now and I don’t get the urge to want to get laid with any girl I talk to. Now, the real question here is, should I reset my badge or not, because I had no idea that I would ejaculate until “that” feeling started to build up real quick (the point of no return). I am doing Hard Mode, so according to rules I have to, but I believe I should take today’s unintentional MO as a lesson that I can jack off to touching ANY part of my penis and continue my quest. Oh, and I forgot to mention that this is my first attempt at NoFap, and I think I did a good job keeping up, so I’m kind of discouraged that I have to see my 42 days go down the drain. I guess that’s just how life is.
Sorry if some things were redundant or repeated in the post, it’s my first time posting a long article on Reddit. (A lot of first times ;P here)
TL;DR: male teen almost turning 15 with pinhole phimosis, discovered porn at young age and NoFap this summer, 42 days in for NoFap Hard Mode, accidentally ejaculated from overstimulating/touching spongy bottom part of penis to become erect in order to stretch the foreskin with the help of cream, had no idea that jacking off like that was possible before, did not feel depressed or guilty afterwards, wondering if I’m cured from PMO addiction. Should I reset badge? Should I put this behind me and remember it as a lesson and continue my nofap Hard mode? Am I really cured and free?