I am almost 17 years old. When I was 9 I have discovered mastrubation while playing some internet browser sex games with my classmates. Since than I was fapping 1-2 times daily only to sensation or to some mild imagination till I was about 11 when I discovered a site with pictures of naked women.
I was like WOW, but after a couple of months it became boring and like the most of us I discovered internet porn. From age 12 (when I first started using high speed internet porn) to age 16 my sexual tastes really got crazy and weird. I’d say I was not really addicted until I was 14. By then I had all the symptoms; dropped out of highschool, social anexity, serious ED, bad concentration, acne, serious DE and actual damage to my dick (needed to get circumcision). I never tought porn did it to me.
How I found out I had a problem It was summer 2014. I had this amazing cute girlfriend and we were about to have sex for the first time and you can guess what happened, we started and I just lost my erection, classic story for this subreddit. I did some stuff with girls before, like handjobs or so and I never had ED problems(did have DE problems a long time before ED problems tho) I felt really ashamed. After she left I did what any person in my situation would do, I googled and I found YBOP. The first time I was on YBOP I felt that I know why everything that has happened to me has happened and I was actually happy, because at first I was very motivated to deal with the problem, after reading everything on YBOP (took about 8 hours). My journey began on 14.7.2014. My first streak was 45 days, the next one was 40 and then, then came the darkest time of my life. I couldn’t go over 10 days for months. I was desperate, I thought of suicide a milion times, no joke. I tryed everything, k9, not using my smartphone anymore, cold showers etc etc. There were a milion tactics, and they were all good, seriously. However there was one huge mistake that did not allow me to succed; I kept thinking about it, everything I thought about was not watching porn. I overthinkined everything and it was really bad for my reboot. I relapsed more than 100 times, after reaching anywhere from 2-10 days. When I remember all the things I tried and all the thoughts I had… I’m so happy it’s over. I even had a few panic attacks during my reboot.
How I fixed the problem
Then I stoped and started listening to the advice that is everywhere on this subredit; TO MAKE YOUR LIFE BETTER. I got back to school, I found a new girlfriend (Which cheated on me 2 weeks ago and guess what, I DID NOT FAP!!!), got a new haircut, got better at the gym (am going to the gym for about 2 years now), started going out a lot, read about 50 books in these 14 months, bought new clothes and so on. I can safely say that my life changed. Today is 95 days since I last watched porn and I can say that it feels amazing.
What changed I can talk to anyone, seriously my social anexity does not excist at all anymore. Morning wood is back ofcourse, so is libido and some random boners. I notice women a lot more and I feel attracted to them. I feel and look much better, guess it’s just because of the confidence. Last time I had sex, about 3 weeks ago my dick worked perfectly, 100% erection and stayed a while after I came, went again after 5 min, DE also gone, my foreskin was scared due to fapping (it looked really nasty) so I got circumcised ( yes I know it’s good to have a forskin but my urologist told me it’s the best thing to do in my case). I’m much more motivated for everything, school, gym, reading etc. Before I usually got very mad for stupid reasons and would smash things around the house and now I’m more chill. Basicaly everything improved, triggers don’t get me anymore, if there is a sex scene in a movie I can watch it with no urge to do anything that I don’t want to do. So I guess I am recovered. There were times when I was really desperate and I tought I’d never do it, but I did it, I FUCKING DID IT. I actually did not know it was past 90 days until today, and I was really shocked and happy, I’m just so happy that I’m no longer a slave to those sick videos. I can’t even describe this good feeling!
- Seek help, don’t be afraid. I went to a shrink, I told my mom, I told my friends (they’re all rebooting :D)
- Learn about this addiction, it’s very imporant to understand what has happened to you, I advise you to get Fortify, it actually helped me quite much, good explanations on it. http://fortifyprogram.org/
- Be desperate. Yes I belive it’s good to feel bad sometimes, remember that feeling when you think of porn
- Change something about your looks, buy new clothes, get a new hairstyle or something
- Get a hobby or do some sport I think this is really imporant
- DO NOT THINK ABOUT NOT FAPPING ALL THE TIME, DO NOT SPEND 10 HOURS A DAY ON NOFAP, REBOOT NATION, YBOP ETC.
- https://www.youtube.com/user/TheMiro0r this helped me a lot
- Order man1 oil. I belive it helped me a lot with my DE http://www.man1health.com/
- Go outside, party, laugh, meet new people
- Try to get better grades or better at your job
- Stop worrying that you will never recover, never have sex again etc. I know how it feels, I know that disgusting feeling and I do not want to feel it ever again, but you have to beat it
Just stay hopeful and keep trying, you will do it!!!
I want to apologize for any bad grammar. I am from Croatia.
TL;DR this is the hardest thing I did in my life, my dick works.
Special thanks to everyone who answered 10000 of my stupid questions!
EDIT: I’d be really happy to help with any questions you have in the comments