Before we head on about HOCD’s,I’ll talk about my porn experience.I started watching Porn since I was a child. Started off with Softcore,Kissing scenes,sex scenes at youtube by the age of 7,continued with this routine till I was 10,I upgraded to real porn,every day since then I watched and fapped almost every day.I am 16 Now almost 17,
My goal is to quit pornography 100% before I reach 17,I have attempted reboot twice and my record is 1 Month without PMO.I am going through my third reboot right now and hopefully I’ll make it through out this one,I failed the two other reboots as I relapsed too many times.During the reboot I felt better as a human I felt happy.
I had homosexual thoughts and unwanted sexual thoughts a lot when I was 15 years old,it was during August 2014 I declared myself suffering HOCD,back then I was confused,I had the worst anxiety in my life,I constantly watched Porn and fapped to know if I was straight,although I never watched Gay Porn and actually fapped to it,not even Trans or shemale,
But what I did was I googled gay at google images and scrolled through for a few minutes,I could not get aroused and neither get an erection,I thought I was reassured but I was wrong,ever since then My life change,In School I used to hang out with the “cool kids” I could consider myself as a cool kid,but this is dumbest thing ever,Everyone Should Be treated equally.
I suffer OCD’s but it’s not that horrible.I decided to be myself and I received a lot of hate,It worsen my anxiety and HOCD and I became a little suicidal,then I decided to fix my life,I start being friends with positive people and I have a girlfriend but I don’t wan’t to experiment on her to reassure myself,that is so wrong in my point of view.
What I have been doing
I have been learning a lot about OCD’s and steps to overcome it,and I also am learning that these are just thoughts and fear created by the brain itself,But i truely wish i had never ever gotten into Pornography as well as I wish I have amnesia that i don’t have HOCD’s,I Declared myself Demisexual I don’t mind being attracted to anything as long as I don’t feel the anxiety as well as the confusion that is swirling in my brain,but I have been straight my whole life and I know I always will.I really wished this will be cured.
LINK – HOCD 1 Year,My Experience and thoughts on it.