Age 17 – I feel like a lion at the dog park, and I understand things at a much deeper level now

I’ve been struggling with beta issues since I was 9, due to porn. I was also deeply depressed, and started spiraling into an addiction frenzy. Video games, food, weed, porn, music. It took GREAT amounts of effort for me to socialize, and I would always question myself. I would always feel awkward and out of place no matter where I was.

It seemed like everyone around me was enjoying their lives while I was stuck in my own head, lost in my thoughts and addictions, listening to every temptation that comes my way. I was a downright loser. Hardly anything motivated me.

As I slowly started losing all the passion and excitement in my life I started turning into a routine robot. Go to school, don’t attract attention, eat your food, say hi to a couple of guy friends that I felt comfortable around, and go back home and get lost in video games for the first half of the day and porn the second. I truly didn’t know anything about life, except that it exists.

And then high school. Social anxiety started becoming a bit better, but I was still never the extrovert I saw in the people around me. Socialization started being a bit easier, and I started knowing how to make friends with my guy peers more easily. We talked about thinks like porn and made fun of each for being horrible with bitches.

Now that I’m out of this addiction, it’s INSANE to me HOW MANY OTHER GUYS WERE IN THE SAME EXACT SITUATION. I can see the porn addiction in their eyes now. Robbed of all their chi and Chakra, all they could do is walk around looking confused all the time.

I feel like a lion at a dog park. And women. It’s insane. I’ve been shy my whole life, getting instant rushes of anxiety the moment I made eye contact with a woman, even if she didn’t look very good. Now I can see the look in their eyes. They wanna get fucked more than anything else. Seriously. It’s always been that way. Always. I’ve just been heavily sedated this whole time.

I am 17. Been watching porn since I was 9, third grade. Been trying nofap on and off since I was like 15. Sometimes when nofap would actually work, life would be enough to keep me entertained, but I would usually give it up during a long break from school or a weekend or something (“nothing” to do).

Now that I’m 17 (and could probably say I’ve been testosterone-less since I was like 9), the benefits are retarded. I’ve been asleep my whole life.

Anyways, I have a MUCH BETTER memory than before. Whereas before I used to be really clumsy and forgetful and always ask my mom where stuff is, I’m now remembering early childhood events and processing them and understanding them. It’s really crazy.

It’s like my brain has been on off mode this whole time. Attention span is off the charts. I could sit staring at a wall for 30 minutes if I wanted to(ok maybe not, but still). Tons of energy. Haven’t been able to sleep or eat because of that.

MUSIC IS SO MUCH BETTER. Holy shit. I can actually understand what they’re SAYING. Pre nofap I would only listen for the beat and couldn’t care less about lyrics. Some songs put me straight to tears now.

I’ve always been an “intelligent”(good grades and all that crap) child but I never tried. Seriously. Now it feels like I’ve transcended. I understand things on a much deeper level now. Sometimes I get this feeling, I don’t know how to describe it, but it’s like… I’m connected with my surroundings. Very zen. Anyways, cool stuff man. Give it a shot. Teehee.

LINK – Dear NoFap

By –Repetitive–