I’m a french student and 17, I’ve had maladaptive daydreaming from 7yo to 16yo, basically I would make a repetitive movement with my hand and get lost in my imagination for long periods of time, sometimes hours, I think it was my way to escape the reality, no one ever found out, I’ve been seen 2-3 times doing it but would find an excuse as to justify it.
This disorder may be linked to a childhood trauma (I’ve been abused as a child) I had never really searched about my condition and never told anyone because I loved doing it, it was my dopamine fix.
I started PMOing at around 12 when my cousin showed me porn vids, ugh. From then I would masturbate 1 to 2 times a day.
These two addictions brought me a daily fix for a really long time, this led to me being a bigpussy all my life, it’s hilarious because I’ve always been pretty tall, pretty handsome, and school used to be easy for me. But I never took advantage of my qualities, and now I’m mediocre in school (except in english class)
So until 15yo my life was SHIT and I wasn’t even aware of it, I feel like all my childhood/young teenage years were just a huge brainfog. I practiced tennis, basketball, swimming but quit everything because of my addictions, I had no drive to socialize either, I’ve been weird around girls all my life, or nearly all my life ;).
At 15yo everything changed, I entered my lycée (similar to high school I think) and met this girl, Amy. Amy was my savior somehow, at the time I didn’t have real friends (I had 3 “friends” but I have realised by now that we hadn’t a proper friendship and they were retards anyway).
And I was really interested in her, and she seemed interested in me too, even though she was 2y older, indeed she was from England and I was really good at english for a French because I watch all my series/movies in english so I can speak fluently, that made me special for her.
I don’t remember the dates exactly but it’s when I was 15yo that my life took a turn since everything interesting happened :
I dated Amy and had real deep conversations for the first time of my life, I even told her about NoFap and she loved the fact that I didn’t watch porn, I had the butterflies of love, but I knew she was out of my league in terms of energy and beauty (or so I thought because you always think you’re a deepshit when you’re a chronic fapper), so I looked for self improvement…
I found out NoFap ; in one night I understood why I hadn’t done anything in 15 years and felt numb all my life, NoFap explained me the dopamine trap and from then I tried quitting PMO and MaladaptiveDaydreaming.
So for months I did streaks, their length varied, but one thing for sure, on a scale of power from 0 to 10 MaladaptiveDaydreaming was a 7 and PMO a solid 10.
At my 16th birthday I made a wish to never fap again, the wish was made in China ofc and I relapsed a few days later, but my 16th year was the best of my life, my relation with Amy was great and my streak lasted 2 weeks, a month, or even 45 days, I was happy with life. I managed to destroy MaladaptiveDaydreaming, I FELT ALIVE AND STRONGER THAN EVER.
The benefits are HUGE, my beard spawned, my muscles too, I am not ashamed of myself anymore, I can identify a fapper from the way he carries himself/speaks, women notice me more, my voice is more manly and I can speak without any problem, girls love that è_è
But the REAL CHANGE has been that I started building habits, indeed I had realised that to make it further than 45 days I had to build the future instead of fighting the old (-Socrates). So I downloaded “Day Counter” on PlayStore and created about 15 habits to achieve daily, things like : -20 abs, 30 pushups and 30 squats right out of bed; -A morning coldshower; -A sleep routine from 00h00 to 6:40; -Learning song’s lyrics on my way to school; -Practicing guitar after classes; -Weightlifting (about 250x5kg) -Reading 1 chapter of a book; and other habits…
I also used my christmas money to buy ton of proper clothing (hipster style/classy) because until then I dressed like shit -_-
17 YEARS OLD
This is my age now, I must admit that I am stronger than ever, it has been months since I started the daily habits and it’s the good shit, I’m at 47 days like you read in the description. I read a bunch of articles about women psychology. Cuz I know, I know, like, I became some sort of testosterone beast, I know that I can get any girl I want, but I needed some method.
So I learned things and applied them on the ground with some girls of 15yo and I’m doing great, I used to think women wanted a charming prince or “nice guy”, but it’s waaaaaay more complicated than that, girls want a man that knows what he is doing and who’s assertive, an alpha if you want.
I also stopped responding directly to text messages which was basically social suicide, now I let 3 minutes minimum before responding to someone, this works wonders for girls to be interested in you, cuz you’re suddently a busy guy you know.
Apart from that I developped a passion for animating videos, I’m still learning throught tutorials on youtube. I also contacted some old friends I hadn’t spoken to since years, through facebook, and they love the new me! I’m basically reborn since a few months, I’d say I went from Yamcha to Son Goku in SuperSayen in 3 months, I know I can still improve though.
THE PROBLEMS LEFT IN MY LIFE
I have two problems left before I’m completly reborn and ready to bite life like it’s a juicy apple :
-First of all I have too much sex drive, it's incredible, I'm having rape thoughts all the time it makes me feel uncomfortable, I do consider women as our equals but deep inside me I want to control them all.
For example those 2 girls 15yo I talk to daily now, they’re really interested in me and I’m acting all bad boy and stuff with them, all I can think of is bringing them to my place on monday and stealing their virginity. I could also take advantage of a shy girl that I know, who wouldn’t resist me if I jumped on her.
But don’t misunderstand, I’ve been on NoFap reading stuff since two years, I know all about how a sexlife is useless and if I put all my sexual energy into something productive (like my animation skills for example) I could become a famous successful guy and all. BUT even though I want to convert my sexual energy into my projects I also desire women, I think that I should take advantage of this power I have what the majority of men don’t have, the ability to seduce any girl, I feel like I need to enjoy my youth as much as I can.
-The second thing troubling me is what I want to do next year as "after highschool studies", before I was on this big NoFap streak I wanted to do something in informatics, but now that I am where I am I realise it's not what I truly love in life.
What I love in life is social contact (since it has become so easy now), animation, and english language. So I’m actually hesitating between becoming an english teacher here in France, or something in animation, or something where I can have social interaction with people. What do you guys advise me to do?
THE END Alright, well you know the big lines of my life now, pfioouu it’s been a relief to speak of everything to the community!! Stay strong fellow fapstonauts 😀