It is my 18th birthday and I feel a massive change happening in my life. This may be long but I really just need to write this down. All my life I have been very shy, anti-social, awkward, not confident, the list goes on.
I just graduated high school and my life really has no direction. I work a minimum wage job and really have no plans for the future. I did not want to go college for something I don’t want to do. I wanna figure out what I wanna do first. Porn came into my life around the age of 12-13. Pretty much everyday. I can’t believe it has taken me this long to find out that porn addiction is a real thing and how bad it can ruin your life. I just went along with life thinking it was normal to masturbate everyday, sometimes even twice a day.
All throughout high school I was a sad excuse of a human being, to be very honest with myself. Small group of friends (good friends) and thats about it. I did not go to parties, talk to girls etc. I have never had a real girlfriend all my life. My connection with girls was 100% screwed up. I did not even see girls as humans, as if a different species. I had desires to have sex with them, but figured why would I when I can go jack off? Why step out of my comfort zone when I don’t really need too? Even if a girl starting talking to ME first (attractive ones I might add), as I have pretty much NEVER went for a girl. I would talk to them, never hangout, and just get bored of the conversation (mainly via text) and would stop talking to them. Porn has made my standards INCREDIBLY high. I would not even give a girl a shot even she WAS attractive. Why go for you when I can see fucking [porn star] on my computer ?
After quitting PMO entirely all this is hitting me pretty hard. I wish I could start over adolescence without porn and masturbation entirely. I wish I had grew up and lived my life how it was suppose to be. Not to dwell on the negatives – I feel fucking awesome. 18 years old, not old enough to drink yet lol but I am becoming a man. Enough of this dirty teenager jacking off at his parents’ house and doing nothing.
My confidence is sky high, I can drive around listening to music, all windows down not giving a fuck and totally embracing myself. I am starting to interact with girls as I really should, as I now see them as normal people and not sex objects. And I see its possible to get a girlfriend and have REAL sex. As my entire life, sex was just watching porn and masturbating. I am taking this as a massive change to start LIVING LIFE. I am only 18 and still have a ton of life to live. Quitting this habit is working magic. I wish someone had slapped me in the face when I was just starting high school and told me all about this nofap thing.
Some other benefits – I noticed that I am way more balanced and don’t have as many mood swings. Before quitting I was a emotional roller coaster, one minute could be totally happy and next absolutely miserable. Things would get to me so easily and piss me off, such as an insult, it used to just destroy me. I am starting to be a man and actually accept things for how they are; Actually looking at my life from a bird’s eye view and taking it how it is. I used to be in denial about how I was shy. I now say holy fuck I’m incredibly shy what am I talking about. I used to hate seeing myself in pictures, taking pictures with people because I’d just feel like shit, totally not confident in my looks. Now I can take a selfie with my shirt off and not give a fuck.
My streak right now is only 35 days no MO and 45 no PMO. Which might not seem like a lot but I am doing this shit for real. I am done with that lifestyle and am ready to kick life in the face. And I encourage all you people of this website to do the same. I’m not sure if anyone will read all of this but whatever. If you did you are cool. One love
RYDERMUZIK10 – JOURNAL – SUCCESS