This is my story: how I went from a scrawny gamer to dating the prom queen in thirteen months (and yes, it has a LOT to do with NoFap). Hopefully you’ll take something from this story…I’ve been through a lot, and thought it was time to share. It’s a bit lengthy, but who knows? Maybe someone, somewhere will learn something.
Before I start, though, I’d like to thank my friends from the NoFap community. A while back, I ran into a support group, and they’ve been with me the whole way. I’m sure they’d rather me not mention their names, but for those of you out there struggling, perhaps lesson one is finding a good group to grow with. Without further ado, let’s get started.
Alright, so ask yourself if any of this is familiar: gaming all day, struggling to hold a job, eating junk food, slouching/crappy posture, and having toothpick arms. This is who I was thirteen months ago. I had no aspiration, and was a leech to my parents (16 at the time). I was actually so involved in gaming, the developers for a particular game asked me to be a part of their “volunteer development team” (aka work without pay). Doesn’t sound too bad, yeah? Playing all day without a care in the world?
That was what puzzled me. I felt like I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I felt lonely and unproductive. I felt like a low-life. And worst of all, I couldn’t stop looking at porn. As ironic as it sounds, what set my life in motion was the game itself. In the game, the main character plays as a race of mystical space ninja, bound by honor and chivalry. As silly as it sounds, I kinda looked up to these guys. They had their morals straight. I knew I wanted to change myself…was the game the way to begin?
It was then that I developed my manifesto: precepts for myself to live by, and make better of myself. While I’m sure everyone has their values, it was really helpful to write out some guidelines for myself, so I could actually look at them (I’ll share the manifesto if anyone wants, I still live by it). NoFap was a crucial part of the manifesto. It serves as a test of self discipline day to day; a great way to gauge my commitment to changing myself, and a potential cure for my chronic loneliness.
My First Trial: “Ana”
It didn’t take long to attract attention. I was consistently working out. It only took a week or two to not look like a toothpick, and to put a little color on my skin. I replaced gaming with reading, worked on my posture every now and again. I stopped buying junk food at the store. Overall, things were going pretty well. But that was just the surface.
The issue was, I wasn’t used to some of the attention I was getting. I was used to sitting in the back of the classroom and not talking the entire period; now I was really talking to girls for the first time. What a turnaround! And therein was my first flaw, one which I wouldn’t realize until after my first trial.
“Ana” (not her real name, but we’re going with it) was a foreign exchange student. She was tall, slim, and honestly had looks that could kill. I mean it fellas. Jailbait at its finest. It was now towards the end of the school year, and we actually started talking pretty regularly. By the time school was out for the Summer, we decided it might be fun to go out.
For a while, things seemed to be going pretty well. I wasn’t quite sure how I had gone from a low-life to dating someone so…matured…but I wasn’t going to question it. Here’s the killer part: she liked to get physical. Like, physical physical. We were everything but stark naked. This is everything a teen boy would want, right? A hot girl giving him (and only him) her body? That’s what I thought, but for some reason, I really wasn’t happy. I felt disgusted with myself.
One night, I decided it was time to break things off. I never heard from her again. Just like that, she was gone. Hindsight? Wow, what a thot. Moral of the story: The body isn’t everything.
The Second Trial: “Claire”
For a while, I was upset, broken up by the failed relationship. But before long, I got over myself, and was back in the groove of things. Working out a few times per week. Staying steady on the NoFap wagon.
One night, about three months after breaking it off with Ana, my friend invited me to a party. It was there that he introduced me to “Claire”. She wasn’t really that attractive, but looks didn’t work out so well last time. Besides, we really seemed to click. We started dating, and after about a month, went exclusive (For those of you keeping track, it’s now September – 9 months in, and 17 years old).
I thought I was the happiest I’d ever been. Claire seemed to be perfect for me. While I knew that there was little to no possibility of us getting married, I really thought I was in love. I was so, so wrong. As hokey as it sounds, it came to me in a dream.
I was on a beach, alone. Then, a girl (NOT Claire) came from the water. She took me by the hand, and honestly, in whatever pizza dream I was having, I felt happier than I had ever been before. There was no sex. There was no nudity. Just being with someone. Why was I so happy? Why was I never this happy with Claire? Before I could ask anything, I woke up. It was now December, three months into dating Claire.
I couldn’t shake the feeling. I didn’t know what was wrong. Christmas came, but I still wasn’t that happy. What was so bad about Claire? One day, in the wee hours of the morning, I realized something. Claire said everything I wanted to hear. When we originally started dating, she told me she was pansexual. I told her I was uncomfortable with that…suddenly, three months later, she’s telling me she’s straight. She was agnostic, while I was Christian? Suddenly she wanted to learn the Bible.
Claire was lying to me. Once that hit me, I broke things off. It was New Years Day. With Claire went my friends, too. They blamed the bad relationship on me. (Side note, those same friends are all trying to date Claire now. Coincidence? I don’t miss them.) I felt no remorse. I wasn’t sad. More than anything else? I was determined to get things right the next time. Moral of the story: Stay true to yourself.
[Convalescence: January 2016
It was a new year. A new start. Exactly 12 months after my journey had began, and I really hadn’t made it too far. Sure, my arms were bigger, but why did that matter? Looks hadn’t gotten me anywhere. Morally? Well, to be honest, I had given in to PMO on a few occasions out of sheer upset. It was time to really get down to business, and be honest with myself.
I wasn’t attracted to anyone’s body anymore. Porn didn’t phase me; I had been in two physical relationships, and all the physicality was way overrated. It didn’t make me feel good. I felt lied to. Anything sex related felt awful, it didn’t feel right. I wanted someone like that girl in my December dream. We didn’t ever need to touch, I just wanted to be happy with someone.
At this time, classes were wrapping up for the semester. One good unsung friend of mine, “Taylor”, asked me about how things were going with Claire. When I told her, she seemed kinda sympathetic. She gave me her number, and said if I ever needed to talk, that I should just give her a call. Classes wrapped up. Next semester began.
The Final Trial: “Taylor”
Taylor was relatively good looking. She wasn’t a super model, but she didn’t try to be. She got a lot of attention from guys. And she loved to dance.
Taylor and I talked a lot over the phone. We tried to keep in contact, now that we had no classes together, and we actually got along really well. But it wasn’t just on-the-surface stuff. We shared interests. We had passions. We had aspirations. And we just couldn’t stop talking about them. My birthday came, and guess who called me at 12:01 AM to sing me the birthday song? That honestly amazed me. No friend of mine had ever done anything like that.
One day, she told me about a coffee date she went on. But for whatever reason, it kinda hurt me. Was I…jealous? What? Like, what? This is TAYLOR we’re talking about, right? Besides, I don’t wanna be in a relationship, far less did I want to be dating. I wasn’t ready for it. A few days passed.
My phone vibrated in my back pocket. I ignored it at first, and only about an hour later did I look. Taylor wanted to go out the next day, on a date. I was kinda shocked, to be honest. But I kinda, sorta, REALLY wanted to. So the next night, we went out. I don’t think I’ve ever spent so long in a burger joint, but the hours FLEW by (and I mean, we were there for three hours — until closing time!). What just happened?
Taylor and I had such a fun time, we dated a few more times. It was now February. We sorta just rolled into being exclusive. It wasn’t announced. It just kinda, happened. Moral of the story? Date a soul, not a body.
As you probably guessed, I’m still dating Taylor today. And yes, I’ve felt happiness just like my December dream. She’s now getting ready for prom, and we’re both excited. She never truly was the prom queen. Sorry if the title mislead you. But she’s going to be my queen at the prom, and I can’t wait.
I owe a lot of (what I’d consider to be) my success to NoFap. It’s shown me that there’s more to a person than a body, and, in fact, quite the opposite. With NoFap, you learn how to truly appreciate someone. Taylor and I haven’t professed love for each other, it’s a strong word. But I adore her in more ways than I can list out, and I think we’ll be together for a long time to come.
I hope my story has reached out to someone. It’s been a long, arduous journey. There’s a lot more to it — family death, fighting cancer, and getting into college, but I hit the highlights here. Those are stories for another time and place. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to share. I look forward to seeing all of you grow =]
Link – Zero to Hero: One Year from Scrawny Gamer to Dating the Prom Queen