Age 18 – From suicidal to enjoying life – giving up private internet the key


90 days ago, I was literally suicidal. Everything was falling apart. I Hated everything. I almost gave up to despair until I realized that in this world, I’m the only source of my own happiness. I can’t rely on anyone for happiness. I don’t need pornstars to keep me happy. I don’t need the internet to keep me happy. I only need myself to stay happy. I will make myself happy. Even if it means making myself go through the worst imaginable pain.

I guess what they say is right: “You Only Realize Your True Strength When Being Strong Is The Only Choice You Have”. That’s when I decided that this time I WILL NOT FAIL. So i took it all upon myself and fought like a fucking beast. I have no regrets for fighting. To be honest, I enjoyed the fight. It made me stronger than I ever was.

My life has changed substantially. I never thought life would be this fun to live. My social life improved. My grades improved. My relationship with my family and my friends SKYROCKETED (Many times, I’m literally the center of attention in their gatherings). like dude, In percentage, before nofap, I was 99% depressed and 1% happy. Now I’m 100% happy and.. 100% FUCKING ENJOYING IT. Anyways, I kind of everexaggerated there. Don’t get me wrong, I still face some struggles in my life, urges still come to me at random times and I’m taking big challenges while pursuing them with full power. I face a lot of obstacles, but even facing obstacles is so much fun now. I feel much more alive and much more “connected with nature”. I’m serious bro. It’s so worth it.

Second part of your question: 90 days ago, my confidence was buried in the ground, I viewed people nothing more than garbage, I viewed myself as an even bigger piece of garbage. I had no friends, my grades were shit, my parents were always mad at me, I never stood up for myself and my dog who was my only friend in this world also died 2 days prior :(. It was like I was stuck between two black holes, one pulling me into the nothingness of despair, the other one pulling me to the nothingness of anguish. Both black holes going stronger, while I’m in the middle getting torn into shreds. I knew that most of my problems were caused by my PMO addiction. I still remember that day clearly, I was in my bedroom holding a sharp knife in my hand that day, I was staring at the shiny piece of metal, I felt like slicing my wrists so bad, for my failures, for the fact that I had no friends, for the fact that my parents were disappointed in me, for the fact that i was useless(or so i thought). Then I saw tears on the edge of the knife and noticed those were mine. Crying after like, Idk, 3 years felt fucking great. I was able to think more clearly. I decided to forgive myself One last time and wanted to fight again.

I didn’t really suffer from extreme erectile dysfunction.. Idk, maybe because I’m still 18 and most men get extreme ED during their thirties. Funny thing is, I’m surprised I didn’t get extreme ED because I’ve PMOed 2-4 times a day daily for the past 5 years. However I did suffer some form of ED, my penis was sore most of the times during the first week. I barely got erections. That cured after a week or so. I’m really not sure if that was some sort of ED, but it’s how many describe it. Got my horniness back and did have erections afterwards(except for the flatline part). Speaking of flatlines, lets move on to the next part of your question 🙂

Basically Morning woods were horrible. In order to defeat them, I did one simple thing. The moment I woke up: I DID NOT STAY IN BED. I had this daily routine of 45 minutes of: Cold Showers, exercise and meditation. That was such an amazing way to get my day started. Tbh morning woods weren’t as bad as a flatline. Holy shit. The flatline made me so anxious. I had a question that most people in their flatline have: Is my dick still working? But, I read posts on NoFap, that this was merely your brain fooling you. I started scolding myself:”YOU PLAYED WITH YOUR DICK TOO MUCH, NOW LET IT PLAY WITH YOU. AN EYE FOR AN EYE”.

I do have that energetic, happy and confident look on my face. It’s amazing. People also compliment it.

Social anxiety? BAH, I DESTROYED IT WITH THE ULTIMATE 90 DAY CHOP! Dude, I’m such an asshole and nice guy at the same time. I didn’t even realize I’m so amazing. My social anxiety is zero now. Talking is like nothing to me. I can literally talk to anyone without fear. I made a supportive group of friends who always stand by my side during hard times. I even joined the basketball team in my school and my friends said I was like the man of the match in 5 out of 7 games. My social life is amazing now. My parents respect me. My friends respect me. My teachers respect me. Even my enemies show signs of respect sometimes. and I respect them all back tenfold. It’s amazing man. I can guarantee you your social life if you can guarantee me 90 days.

THINGS I COULDN’T DO BEFORE BUT I CAN DO THEM NOW: Theres a ton of them. Nofap improved me physically and mentally a lot so it’s only natural my ability to complete tasks will improve. Well before Nofap, I had no motivation towards school. I failed 3 classes. Now I’m one of the top 3 students in class. I work hard and enjoy learning something new everyday. I have a lot and a lot of stamina. Before nofap, minutes of work would feel like hours of work. Now, hours of work feels like minutes of work. I’ve improved in sports, studies, socially and overall, as a human being.

I took extreme measures to get where I am today. The most important one was:”ONLY USING THE INTERNET ON A LIBRARY COMPUTER FOR NO MORE THAN 15 MINUTES A DAY”. I literally gave my phone and laptop to my sister and told her not to give it back for 90 days. (fun fact: I wen’t back to her 11 days after asking for my laptop and she told me to gtfo, which I appreciate). Internet is a big big problem for many fapstronaughts here, so guys, the best advice I’ll give you is refrain from it as much as possible.

But Ill give some additional advices:

  • The good old cold showers (take 3 in a day if you have to)
  • Meditate (start with 5 minutes and take it to 15 minutes and beyond.)
  • Exercise (pushups, pullups and running laps are what I did. Go ahead and join a gym which would be much better.)
  • Don’t fantasize anything (Do not ever go into a fantasy world). This fantasizing thing usually comes from watching too much television so I’d suggest watching minimal to no television because it also saves you the trouble of being careful of triggers
  • The moment you get horny, CHANGE YOUR ENVIRONMENT ASAP.
  • Apply for a job or volunteering opportunity in your community. Chores also count.
  • Learn anything. Math, science, cooking, programming, vocabulary, a new language(I learned some spanish during the 90 days).
  • (this ones a little extreme but I still did it and it worked for me) keep your gazes low when you’re outside. Don’t look around and check asses.
  • Only come online to NoFap when the urges are too powerful and you need help

MOST IMPORTANTLY: Don’t ever give in to stress. I swear to god guys, meditation was so helpful for me when I got stuff like headaches, horniness or any stress altogether.

Here are some of my tips:

  1. exercise (since you feel lazy, a short walk would be good enough)
  2. Acupressure. (an exercise I’ve found helpful, you can search it)
  3. Drink lots of water
  4. Eat a variety of fruits
  5. Cleanliness is very important
  6. Set a purpose – When we have a purpose to do something, laziness dies off
  7. Have realistic goals which create energy within you
  8. Planning – This is extremely important. Have a schedule planned out for your day in which your constantly at work, UNTIL YOU GO TO BED.
  9. Become aware of your sorroundings. E.g, awareness during college lectures, awareness of events within community, awareness of yourself etc.
  10. Self-control – Having self control is extremely important. When you control your energy, you won’t end up wasting it on useless stuff and direct towards more positive things.
  11. Meditation – Very important and will remove the blockade in your mind that many of us tend to call “laziness”

Follow these 11 tips and you’ll definitely make it.

  1. TV was a very very hard addiction to break off. You see, one thing I figured about NoFap is that if you want to succeed at it, you have to change your lifestyle. Cold showers and exercise might be useful tips, but if you don’t change your attitude towards life you can’t succeed at NoFap. Basically I was fighting like 5 addictions at the same time. Addiction to: porn, masturbation, coffee, TV and the internet. So like I mentioned, I gave my laptop and my phone to my sister and told her to not give it back to me until 90 days were over and I learn some self-discipline and self-regulation, she agreed. The only internet I was able to use was at the library. That made access to porn very hard for me. TV, I’d sometimes go days without watching it. Even if I did watch it, I’d watch the news sometimes OR national geography. During these 90 days, the most I watched TV in a day was like 45 minutes. Here I am now, Idgaf about TV anymore(although national geographic is hella interesting). Now heres another thing, you must must replace your addictions with better things. Once I took an interest towards learning spanish and math, I stopped thinking about my addictions as much as before. See what I did there? The first thing I did was make it extremely hard for me to gain access to my addictions. Secondly, I replaced my addictions with better things. OH, refraining from the internet was probably the biggest help. Literally, 90 days without facebook, instagram, twitter, youtube. I said no to anything that leads up to anything that leads up to anything that leads up to anything that leads up to triggers. I’m not saying watching TV or using the internet is some kind of sin, you just have to know how to use it. I only used them for educational purposes or to listen to clean music. That’s all.
  2. Porn tbh seems disgusting to me now. I can’t believe I used to do that type of dumb shit. Literally, sitting in a corner watching strangers bang like eww. Just the picture of it makes me cringe at max. So yea, porn now just seems disgusting to me. I find it very sad that I was caught in something like that for years and I also feel sad for my fellow human beings who’ve been caught in a disgusting like that. I see it as a BIG waste of time and energy. Now, tbh I don’t feel the craving of watching porn, it’s literally dead and I’m glad I was the one to execute that son of a gun. Going back to it would be foolish because a) It’s disgusting b) I don’t want to get addicted to it again and c)I’m not interested. Zero benefits. Thousand Harms. Period.

Anyways guys, I’ve decided to do a “ask me anything” as a thank you for all of your help. I can control myself much better now. I do get urges. I did have a major flatline. However, I fought with every last bit of my strength and kept my focus towards a better world for myself instead of the stupid thoughts that justify PMO. 90 days made me get my head out of my ass and see the beautiful world around me. I haven’t been this happy since I was a kid. The PMO addiction and NoFap have taught me a lot.

Once again guys, thank you so much. Ask me anything in the world! Let me start off by saying a big thank you to every person in this sub who has helped me made it this far. You guys are the best.

LINK – 90 days. Struggled. Made it. Ask me anything.

By KookieMonsta123