Thank you to all of the fellow fapstronauts who helped when times were tough. Whether you provided posts that gave me motivation to keep going or you replied to mine, thank you. It truly is amazing how this community is so supportive of people who wish to rid themselves of the dark horse of addictions.
There were times where I was going to end it all but after seeing other’s posts about it the consequences of giving up or how you should persevere truly motivated me to keep going.
I originally began this journey because around July 2014 I read a Return of Kings article about the benefits of not masturbating and I decided to give it the old college try around August. My streaks increased exponentially from 7 to 14 to 116 then afterwards I fell prey to the chaser effect. When I first did this, I was doing it for all the wrong reasons: getting women, being eye fucked, etc. Because of this, it caused me to plateau eventually leading to my dismay. During that trial, I felt entirely different as a person: for once I had motivation, I could look people in the eyes, I no longer had brain fog, I no longer objectified women, I realized expecting to woo them was objectifying, that having a girlfriend was no longer top priority and my time management skills became better. Long story short, I became the person I wanted to be.
Despite this being Day 180 for me, I am actually around 300 but I reset around late December 2014. The first streak I had, I began to truly feel better as a person. After Round 1, I understood this challenge was a means of bettering yourself. To do this, it means you have to challenge yourself both physically and mentally everyday. Physically, I was originally only lifting and bicycling every other day but now I have expanded that to lifting, bicycling, running, and swimming during each session. Mentally, I feel I can take on the world, taking cold showers helps, I am reading, doing things to teach myself to deal with discomfort.
I think I have given enough background on my journey I think I want to switch gears and talk about how my attitude on this current generation has changed dramatically. Now I do not want to come off as condescending or narcissistic but when you see how much of an effort people go through to make themselves look like shit, you either want to laugh or you want to get mad about it. Before this, I never wanted to get a Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram because I hated how they are. Disregarding this, I was highly hypocritical about it because I was looking at girls I knew on it. Once I started, I decided to put my money where my mouth was and stopped that habit. This was a big part of why I decided to quit, I was embarrassed by who I was, notably that, feeling like shit, knowing it was wrong, and wanting to be the best I could be.
What it made me realize was this generation is becoming almost entirely superficial. Even though people will put out an image that their life is great, you learn that they are one dimensional. They show people what they want them to see. Once you begin to understand how harmful this is, particularly the idea of trying looking for other people’s approval on how to act, how to look, how think, basically fitting into a mold that you aren’t exactly comfortable in, you no longer want to be part of a group or society. I know there is a fine line between looking good and like a slob, but once you start to do it based on other’s opinions e.g. going for likes on a picture on Facebook, you get caught up in a huge mind fuck.
In regards to me, I am finally happy with myself. I have my dreams, I have my wishes, and I look to keep going forward in life. I think very little of what people think of me and dress to please myself, not to please you. What you see is what you get, if you do not like it, fuck you. I absolutely hate hearing excuses when you should be manning up for your actions. It boils down to the cliche that if you don’t like yourself how can you expect anyone else to? This is what I believe is the ultimate goal of NoFap; accepting yourself for who you are and how you are while continuing to better yourself as a person.
I wanted to share part of Staind’s So Far Away that spoke volumes to me. “Now that we’re here so far away, all the struggle we thought was in vain. All the mistakes one life contained, they all finally start to go away. I can forgive, and I’m not ashamed, to be the person that I am today.” Again, thank you to all of you who supported me on this journey that is far from over and best wishes.
LINK – Day 180- A Different Perspective on Life
I have finally hit the ten month mark. Back when I started back in August 2014, this seemed to be nothing short of a dream. Here I am today 300 days hardmode wearing it as a badge of honor. I don’t really know where to start with this. I suppose I could start with my motivations for joining. This is going to highlight some of my other posts but it won’t be verbatim. Anyway, when I first started, I was a 17 year old, no motivation, no job, I was a nobody. It got to the point where I masturbated even though I knew I was not happy doing so I really began to despise myself. I started reading on the benefits of giving it up instead of the harmfulness of it.
Fast forward to August 2014, I officially start my journey with the hopes of gaining the attention of women however I gained mental clarity more than anything. I felt on top of the world. In November, these urges subsided and I began to enter my flatline. When I saw women, I got a slight buzz, a minuscule amount that left my head immediately after. It was so bad I never approached someone in my class who was clearly interested in me.
Today, I feel I finally escaped my flatline, and am beyond hungry, ravenous for that matter. I am starting to approach more. Despite that, I have returned to questioning things I do.
In the entirety of my life, I did things under the impression that they would matter, they’d make a difference down the road. I did NoFap on my own dime and I am beginning my studies as an engineer however I feel I am really asking why anymore.
I have done a lot of these things hoping there will be a payoff in the end. NoFap really did miracles for me. Now all that is left is making it through college. During this quest, I feel I am going to have to deal with many ups and downs knowing every second of it was worth it and seeing where not making these choices got other people. I’ve already dealt with disappointment my first semester but it is a matter of taking it like a man and understanding it isn’t the end of the road
I could be living at home, going to a community college, working a super easy job, and have no sense of achievement or I could be where I am now struggling, starting a new chapter, knowing all of it will amount to something in the end. (Not trying to bash people who go to community colleges. For me, I had 3 years of Community College under my belt and I was beginning to feel unchallenged by it.)
This made all the difference in whether I PMO or not; knowing I have made it too far to give up everything I have earned. What I want to leave all of you is those of who are in the early stages of this, those of you who are ready to give up, keep going. Not just NoFap but most everything is a dream or a goal and reaching when the road is bumpy as hell makes them so much better.
There was advice from Black White Guy In America that has stuck with. Do not wish, do not hope, do not think, something will happen. Do not feel you are a pawn of fate. When you see people with long streaks on this website, tell yourself everyday “That is going to be me”. I was in that same boat as a lot of you are or were wondering how some people have had massive streaks thinking they were God only realizing it is a matter of having the will.
LINK – Day 300-The end of one of the longest flatlines
I have been off for roughly a year.
Long story short, I saw how desperate I was to watch it when my parents put up a firewall and decided it was time to give it up.
More free time, a greater desire to learn, increased confidence, more energy, decreased anxiety. I could go on but it was mostly what you see in other posts.
Before I even started this, I was very awkward. By watching porn, it only made it more obvious. Being non-materialistic was not related to porn. If you were to watch a porno, you are more likely to observe the body of whomever you are watching fucked.
Day 400- Life is meant to be a challenge
Here I am, day 400, and I would like to try and be brief about what I have to say.
When I started this, I expected by 90 days or whatever the new arbitrary mark is I would be an entirely new person. I won’t say that isn’t entirely my case. I have changed in a lot of ways; mostly for the better. To many, and at least for me, I thought I would be done, I could show off my plaque on the wall.
Basically the past 100 something days, I hit a plateau feeling I did everything I could but was not feeling as satisfied as previously. I kind of did nothing, began feeling lows, and so on. I began to realize I needed to be challenged.
I may have to put in a shitload of hours for projects and deal with failures but all of it is absolutely worth it. The feeling of accomplishment, making it through an arduous climb, all of it. So to everyone, be accepting of that struggle, when you pull through in the end, you will know why I say what I do.
ever since I left home, I have found a lot of people whom I can relate to.
When you step away from pornography for a bit, or anything for that matter, you quickly realize the impact it has on you. Many of us have grown up in a generation where we can have immediate gratification.
For instance, if you have a question or some problem you don’t know, go to Google, and immediately you have an answer.
Put it into the context of pornography, when you are able to satisfy sexual urges whenever you feel like it, it eliminates the need to socialize, meet people, or have intimacy. Though it is artificial.
One celebrity whom I have come to respect is Terry Crews. He has made multiple videos on his struggle with pornography and how stepping away has changed him in many ways. I recommend looking into it.
Exercising is important to me in many ways from stress relief to overall fitness. Cold showers are absolutely amazing and having that moment of suffering to feel great afterwards is priceless. I have made a conscious effort to get away from internet related activities but with school, there is always something due.