I was 17 years old and I almost started crying when I realised that I couldn’t get aroused to the point of orgasm without porn. I was determined to do this challenge, and here I am now. 6-7 months without porn nor masturbation. I can get my dick up with just touch, no fantasies.
It feels like I’ve got my life back. HIS COMMENT
Whatever you do, it’s not gonna get better if you go back to porn or masturbate (you should quit this too). Focus on building the life you want and things will come if you work for them.
I’ve managed to drop masturbation from my life. You might say that “you are never secure” and that “you might relapse at any time” and that is true, but I’m determined, and not on not fapping, but on building my life. And those two activities don’t go hand-in-hand.
In the effects below I will not mention my changed life, my positive mindset, my girlfriend, my part-time job, my raised grades, my changed ethics, my muscle gains, the female attention I’m getting or anything else that requires you to WORK for it.
There is a common misconception about nofap on here that gives the impression that all the things above come for free like magic. They don’t. I worked so hard for these things and i got a nice push from nofap.
- Time. This benefit is so much bigger than you think. I used to waste at least 2 hours a day looking through facebook, tumblr, reddit, 4chan and porn to get aroused. That is 14 hours a week, around 60 hours a month. Imagine what you could do in those 60 hours.
- Energy (Of course combined with a healthy diet and proper sleep).
- Dopamine levels back to normal.
- Will to live and chase my goals.
I think that no-fap is a great tool to help you change your life for the better, but to be honest I don’t really like this community. Approximately 10% of the people on here actually have an idea of how to tackle things, and I love those people, they are the ones who helped me starting this journey and to which i am forever thankful to.
As I moved up the ladder of my own life and understood the mechanics of no-fap, I started to notice that the majority of the people on this subreddit are clueless, they will be stuck here for months and months. They are posting relapse posts promising that its gonna be their last time (it never is, sometimes I even check their profile to see another relapse post a week ago), posting unrealistic (and in my opinion destructive) success stories and my arguably most hated obsession on this reddit: the counters. The colorful little things that remind you that you are trying to abstain from fapping.
These little things and all “goals “(90-days etc) is what is holding most people back. What will happen when you reach 90 days? 130 days? 210 days? It doesn’t matter, because you are still thinking about masturbation and the “days”. The only alternative if you really want to break out of this habit is to forget about masturbation, don’t allow it to be a part of your life.
TL;DR – Forget about your counter and the success stories, focus on and spend all of your time building your life and masturbation will disappear from it.
I will happily answer any questions that you might have about my changes and inspirations. Major inspiration
ANOTHER VERSION ON R/PORNFREE – I’ve gone about 6-7 months without porn or masturbation. Honest effects listed.
Hello guys. I am 18 years old and i’ve managed to drop porn and masturbation from my life. You might say that “you are never secure” and that “you might relapse at any time” and that is true, but im determined, and not on “not watching porn”, but on building my life. And those two activities dont go hand-in-hand.
Before you guys read what i have to say, i hope that you and the mods on here will be open-minded about this. I have posted similar posts to this in the /r/nofap community, but my posts have been brought down by the mods who didnt like me criticising forum mechanics such as counters and success-stories.
I know that this is a subreddit that deals with porn addiction and not masturbation, but i also believe that masturbation leads to no good and might make the journey of quitting porn harder for you. Why not kill two birds with one stone?
I tried to quit porn for 6 months with the wrong approach before september 2015, when reading a post that is actually linked to on this subreddit(+1 to the mods) changed it all: here it is. This explained to me that my porn addiction was a way to cope with my shitty life, and it was right. I was also gaming and cannabis addicted at this time, 17 years of age. I realised that big changes had to be made.
In the effects/changes below i will not mention my changed life, my positive mindset, my girlfriend, my part-time job, my raised grades, my changed ethics, my muscle gains, the female attention im getting or anything else that requires you to WORK for it.
Time. – This benefit is so underrestimated. I used to waste at least 2 hours a day looking through facebook, tumblr, reddit, 4chan and porn to get aroused. That is 14 hours a week, around 60 hours a month. Imagine what you could do in those 60 hours. You could learn learn how to play the guitar, learn the basics of a new language – EVERY MONTH.
Energy – (Of course combined with a healthy diet and proper sleep). This has much to do with my changed lifestyle but i still feel like it needs a mention. I stopped feeling tired in the morning when i have to get up for school. I say yes more than no to new activities and friends.
Dopamine levels back to normal. This has to do with masturbation and im sure that you are aware of that, but this is huge. For someone being stuck between different addictions during the age of 14-17, this means so much. I was sad, depressive, negative and overall unhappy. When i sit down to meditate or to reflect on things during the day and think about this, i cry, i cry tears of joy because i feel so happy inside compared to how i was.
Will to live and chase my goals. This is a result of all the other effects combined, but it feels so wonderful that i have to mention it. Im 18, i got my life in front of me, i will work towards my goal. I will take risks to get what i want in order to live a happy life.
I would also like to adress some issues that we have in these communities:
1 – Success stories. Disclaimer: i am not familiar enough to judge people on this sub so dont neccessarily feel hit by this. Im going to start off with this one because it hits at home for me. I myself fell victim for this and i want to warn others. You will occasionally see people on these subreddits(every single day on nofap) who share a story of how they either got laid, got a date, got rid of their ED or get tons of female attention. There is a problem with this. Reading these stories makes some of us think that quitting porn and masturbation will fix all this and get us girls. Look at this guy he was all shy and then two weeks in he suddenly got a date! Its gonna happen to me too, right? No. You have to CHANGE your LIFESTYLE. I spent 6 months living in this bubble before realising this, for most people this challenge is about changing your life. This is all explained in the post i previously linked that i highly recommend you to read: [Here it is again](www.yourbrainrebalanced.com/index.php?topic=15558.0)
2 – Counters. Majority of the people here are obsessed with these little badges that go up as the days pass. Im gonna explain why these things are destructive. You set a goal -> I want to get to 20 days. Either you manage or you dont, it doesnt matter. Why? Because you are still counting days. Whats gonna happen when you hit 50? 90? 130? The goal is to quit porn, FOREVER. You are going to say no to porn(and in my case artificial stimulation) for your entire life and these little fuckers are actually in the way – constantly reminding you about the challenge you are doing.
3 – Posts about relapsing. I cringe when i see these posts. I go to the persons profile and see how they have posted exactly the same thing a week ago, and two weeks ago, and so on. They have not understood the root of their problem, and as a wise man said: I cringe when people relapse, reset their counters, and proclaim “This is it, I’ve had enough, I’m going to do it this time”, Stop kidding yourself.
To conclude this (TL;DR) This journey is extremely difficult and requires COMPLETE determination and in many cases requires you to change yourself as a person. These subreddits have helped me, but they are still flawed, you should take it with a grain of salt. READ that post and do exactly what it says and you WILL have an easier time getting though life without porn and masturbation. I haven’t watched porn nor masturbated since september last year, mainly because of that post.
Any questions below please i will be glad to answer them.
Earlier this week, when writing a private message for a guy who asked me for advice, i named three resources which helped me and i explained to him why i think they helped me. When going through the message, i realised that this message sums up my key to success pretty well, so i might aswell share it as some sort of “motivational” or “progress”-post that people who are still struggling can take parts of that they need and incorporate them in their own journeys.
I a little more than a year into this journey to change my life, of which nofap/noporn has been a successful part for 9 months. I went from a cannabis/porn-addicted 17-year-old to a self-secure 19-year-old with a good picture of my goals, dreams and how to get there. I have three different materials that i would like to share with you. Ill list them and name their benefits and how you should use them:
1 – This post on yourbrainrebalanced – I honestly think that everyone on this sub should read this. It is the best explanation of this addiction that i’ve ever read. Citing a part i like below:
“If lack of orgasm was the problem, then everyone would just fap without porn (or any other artificial stimulation). There would be no relapses and everyone would have 500+ day counters.”
I think that this post alone is good enough to make you quit porn if you follow the steps, however, it does not give answers to the other issues that the reader might have such as depression, unhappiness, lack of self-value, stress, etc and that is why im going to add some recourses below.
Take 20 minutes out of your day and read that thoroughly, following the links to the other posts embedded within it.
2 – No More Mr Nice Guy – When i first came across this title, i thought that it would be another one of those “The Game” books on how to be a dick and attract women with this confidence. I was wrong.
This is a book that deals with self-value. It explains how guys who are “people-pleasers”(Nice guys) always put others first and do everything in the world in order to hide their flaws. This often leads to passive agressiveness which is far more destructive in terms of relationships and friendships than a fight or an argument is. I personally felt hit by this book. I didnt see failure as an option and everytime i did fail i felt so incredibly bad that i went into relapsing – a good example of how my addiction could not have been beated without a change of lifestyle.
In this book there are countless of examples on how Nice Guys behave, and i felt hit by many of those(some still do today):
● Doing it right.
● Playing it safe.
● Anticipating and fixing.
● Trying not to rock the boat.
● Being charming and helpful.
● Never being a moment’s problem.
● Using covert contracts.
● Controlling and manipulating.
● Caretaking and pleasing.
● Withholding information.
● Repressing feelings.
● Making sure other people don’t have feelings.
● Avoiding problems and difficult situations.
Here is a list from the text of what Nice Guys do to in order to be liked by women:
● Having one’s hair just right.
● Being smart.
● Having a pleasant, non-threatening voice.
● Looking unselfish.
● Being different from other men.
● Staying sober.
● Being in good shape.
● Being a great dancer.
● Being a good lover.
● Never getting angry.
● Making other people happy.
● Being a good worker.
● Having a clean car.
● Dressing well.
● Being nice.
● Respecting women.
● Never offending anyone.
● Looking like a good father.
Keep in mind that these are not bad qualities on their own, quite the opposite actually, but when used in the way they are used by the “Nice guys” – as covert contracts, which basically means that the guy always expects something in return for his “niceness” – stuff like closeness, sex, compassion, etc without saying anything and gets angry/frustrated when his needs aren’t met.
I can go on forever with these lists but i think that you get the point. If it sounds like you, have a read.
This is by far the biggest resource i will give you and it is a course. The course is completely free and it deals with happiness. The point of the course is to understand what it is that makes us happy and the mechanics behind it, as well as methods that have been proven to work in order to permanently change your “happiness set point”.
To put the “happiness set point” into words – A man wins the lottery for 1 million dollars. He is extremely happy and grateful and is sure that his future is going to be a blast. Yet, 5 months later and he is already back to his happiness set point. He feels no different from before winning the 1 million. The same thing happens when we buy new stuff(Read the wikipedia article on “Hedonic treadmill” for more information.). We love it the first weeks, but later that new phone is just “meh”, just another part of everyday life. Now what if we could train ourselves to be grateful and appreciate things more? We can, and this course teaches you how.
If im going to be honest, at first, i thought that this course was bullshit and a waste of time. I mean they are making you write letters to yourself and meditate. Yet here i am 5 months after starting this course and i can tell you that it has changed my life. Once i got familiar with the material and the activities required, i understood why i was sad, didnt have purpose in life and was stressed out by everything.
Mindfulness(which the course goes through on week 6 or 7) was a big changer for me. Just try sitting down and thinking about how the air moves in and out through your throat, nose and lungs, think about how it feels and do so for 10 minutes. I still fail doing this after 3 months of practice, why? Because my mind wanders off somewhere else(and yours will too).
This is due to our fast paced society and our huge cravings for instant gratification. We can’t sit down and think about ourselves for even a minute because our mind gets “bored” and wanders off somewhere else – often leading to stress when thinking about out future and anxiety when thinking about our past.
This course teaches you to love yourself, accept yourself as you are, and other very cheesy-sounding expressions that actually make more sense than you’d think they would when put in a scientific view with concrete evidence from tests and researches.
Well that is all i can offer you today, i hope that i made the material sound interesting and that you will check it out and consider it. I also want to remind you to take everything you read with a pinch of salt. I say that because the first article wants you to buy books and the second one kinda wants you to be egocentric. These articles still have great value if you take parts of them that you feel you need and incorporate them in your life.