90 whole days without masturbating, watching porn, sexual activity, or orgasm. For those willing to read, I have a few things to say about my journey, and some advice for anyone willing to listen.
I’ll be sharing some of my experiences, hardships, temptations, victories, and grievances. I really hope I don’t ramble too much.
TL;DR: Difficult, but rewarding. Some things didn’t change, like urges, but my “brain fog” has significantly lifted, and I have a deeper appreciation for all things in life. I notice some girls are attracted to me, and that’s ok because I don’t put them on a pedestal anymore. I’m still a lonely kid trying to figure life out, but my life has improved from this experience and my goal is to stay on hard mode until marriage. Good luck, everybody!
First off, I wish I could say my fantasies were much less. I wish I could say I wasn’t afraid of approaching any girl and asking her out. I wish I could relate to the posts of a lot of others in this community about how they are exponentially happier after their reboots. I wish I could say I’ve gained superpowers, and that women were just crawling to get to me because of my self-improvement and glowing aura of confidence. I feel as if some of the things people say about “superpowers” are talked up and are not as ground-breakingly incredible as they really are in real life. I do not mean to discredit these statements and stories because I get it. On my serious attempt before this one (lasted 45 days), I was having the time of my life. I look back on the time almost with euphoria.
Anyway, this time around, it was a different experience. The text above is laced with snide cynicism and apparent negativity, I know. I do, however have some positive things to say, but they will come later (trying to save the best for last!).
In these 90 days I started my first year of college eight hours away from my famly. I decided to quit my addiction in August because this crippling habit, coupled with suicidal thoughts and other hardships, took an enormous toll on my senior year in high school. There is just no way I could go through all of the struggles of college with this crutch that takes away from the man I could be, and as close as I came to ending my life this summer, I just needed a break from the toxins I loved so much.
My purpose for starting was not for women’s attention. People ask me why I do this, or rather, don’t do certain things, and I explain it as such: I’m just trying to figure out why I’m here, and attempt to figure life out in general, and I can’t do it if I’m living in chains to the poison most men drink.
Some on this community have said that once they get to a certain point in their journey that the urges are much less frequent, and they can actually go away completely for a while. I found this to be true, to an extent. I’ve had some pretty strong urges, though, almost daily and even now. I remember a few weeks ago I was so ready to give in that I threw myself down on my hands and knees and prayed. I was trembling and almost sweating, but I conquered it. That’s not an exaggeration either. This stuff gets real!
For a long time I felt almost like I didn’t have any sexual desires. It was amazing. I would look at women with this sense of fascination and admiration. No longer do I place women on the untouchable place in the sky. It’s genuinely one of the best things I’ve gained from this experience.
I don’t wishfully look on women and avoid them because I am too afraid. Now I don’t talk to too many girls because I simply don’t care! I accept the fact I’m alone and believe the right girl will come along in my journey toward my life goals.
I have noticed a few girls have become attracted to me, though. One girl actually pressed me up against the wall and tried to make out with me. She also showed me her booty and other assets… she wanted me. I was so close to giving in, but I’ve made a decision to be abstinent until marriage, so I left the room after riding the fence for a while. That means I got close to doing things to her with my finger(s), but I pulled up her pants and left the room. That was one of my greatest victories of this streak.
As for self-improvement, I actually have made bounds as well. Procrastination is still my biggest adversary, as my grades are not as good as they should be, but I am excelling in the weight room and I have deleted the time-consuming social media apps off my phone. I also incredibly more grateful for everything in life. I usually take things like my bed, clothes, car, cell phone, opportunity for education, and family for granted. But, most days I think for a long time about how fortunate I am. This is, I believe, “brain fog” leaving my mind.
I still am very cynical, and as you can tell from my mess of past posts, am just an emotional weirdo of a teenager. I am still angry most of the time, and have bouts of what people call “depression” and suicidal thoughts. These have all decreased, but are still present, and they will probably be with me until I die.
I have slowly gotten closer to God through this process. I am a non-denominational Christian, but I don’t understand Him and why He even decided to make us if He knew we would sin and all of this chaos would erupt.
However, my life, viewing it as a whole, has gotten better through this streak, and I would recommend this challenge to everyone on earth.
As for advice, – Don’t fret over wet dreams. I actually get excited when I get one because I know the process is working! – Incorporate a stress reliever in your life, a healthy escape. For me, it’s strength training. It’s my time of the day to let loose and battle my demons. – Trust the process, and have a good reason for doing it. That’s all I will say for advice, because there are a ton more posts for advice better than this! Thanks for all who’ve read this far into this jumbled post of words, and I wish you all the best on your journeys toward a life free of PMO!
LINK – 90 days is here
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