**everything I’m going to say, is probably not my original idea. In fact, it very well might have been drawn from you reading this who knows. I’ve read countless peoples journals, articles, watched videos, read books, and my thoughts are largely a reiteration of what others have said before me. So again, I take no claim to this being my original idea. There is nothing new under the sun after all **
Achieving lasting success
(very much still in the process myself)
- “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” -Thomas A. Edison
1) This is a process, and failure is necessary. In the beginning stages of nofap, do not get discouraged if you keep failing. Think of Edison, he tried 9,999 different ways before he got it right. You can bet, that each one of those failures was instrumental to him eventually figuring it all out. From each failure he learned something, he made a change, and he tried again. Even if it was a microscopic change, so tiny that it would seem to make no difference at all. He made the change anyway. You must resist the urge to keel over and give up, binge, stop caring. “Many of life’s failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.” – (Edison once again, coming in strong with the knowledge bombs.) It really does take all these failures to finally get something good out of it all.
- “Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.” – Albert Einstein
2) Abstaining is not enough: learn, grow, evolve and you can recover. Like Edison, if you notice something that is not working, make a change. If Edison just kept with his first light bulb design, and tried a million times, “ope it exploded. ope it exploded. ope it exploded, ope….” , that would be INSANE. Everyday I see posts, “ope I failed. I’m never going to change. Ope I failed again…” (that was once me so I get it though!) If you are caught in a cycle, and you notice it, make a change. If you keep constantly failing, don’t expect “this is the last run! I swear! I’m quitting porn” . If you are doing the same thing over and over again, and expecting this to magically be the time you succeed, well your insane. Something to keep in mind.
- “The only person you are destined to become is the person you decide to be.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
3) “Get busy living, or get busy dying.” – AndyDufresne : Life is precious Porn and masturbation was initially compartmentalized for me. After joining this community and months of introspection, I know really now see just how interwoven my PMO’ing habits were into the fabric of my life: degrading the quality of my relationships, involvement in sports, my school work, my hobbies, my sleep… everything! Literally, in every facet of my life, porn in some way was just chipping away at the quality of my experience. Nofap is an opportunity to take the reigns of life, and just decide, ” I want to be more”. Everyday, you just need to decide to be the person you want to be. You will never get to the light at the end of the tunnel, “have superpowers” , or be a changed person if you don’t start being that person you want to be. Starting right now.
- “If you want the power then do the thing.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson
4) If you want the power… do the thing. Homework. Your stressed and putting it off. Through out the whole day it’s looming over you. It’s night now. You decide oh I’ll do it in the morning. That whole night you go to bed stressed. If your a procrastinator like me, you know just how terrible this can feel. Rewind. What if, you just did your homework right there and then when you remembered you had it? You would have the power! It might take some time and hard work, even be boring, but you now have the power of having done it. Start recognizing this with urges, skills, and just things you have to do. Stress, boredom, loneliness, happiness, horniness, fear, ect, ect: these are all triggers for me to porn. When I don’t do a homework assignment and I’m up for 2 extra hours thinking about it and not doing it, I get stressed. That adds up. Those bills that don’t get paid on time, that talk your delaying with someone, or that homework assignment all add up into internal stress and conflict, that atleast for me, leads to PMO. It’s a release, an escape. Begin getting the power, and these manifestations begin to whither away.
- “This is a marathon, not a sprint” – Alexander ** ( i think I remember the mod dude alexander posting this, idk, maybe not. But i think it was him)
5) People don’t just run marathons: they train for months before hand: The tortoise As a long distance runner myself, I can attest: You don’t just run 26.2 miles. Oh boy. No sir. Your up and early training. Your eating healthier. You regulate your sleep. You develop a plan. 5 miles today, 2 at race pace tomorrow, intervals the next, then a long 15 mile, then back to 5, a rest day, then 7… Not everyday is the marathon. You don’t have to go The Distance (good song by cake) everyday. But you damn well be training everyday in some way or another. This training, takes months. MONTHS. And when it actually comes to running the marathon, now that we’ve got there, who won: the tortoise or the hare? Take it slow and steady. Your in it for the long haul, no need to sprint all the damn time.
- ” Life is like a roller coaster” – me
6) Nofap is up, and it’s down. Ride the coaster. Not everyday is la ti da. I still feel like an emotional train wreck somedays. When your feeling shitty. Ride the coaster. When your feeling happy ride the coaster. Going back to Edison, I’m sure people came to him and said, “your crazy man! You keep failing”. I’m sure he thought to himself, ” Am I just crazy? Is this going to work.” He stayed on the roller coaster anyway, despite his failures. So when your failing, stay on the coaster.
To end my pedantic hungover post for which I’m up early on a Sunday typing for some odd reason.. I’ll share a few more things.
I’ve been piecing together a philosophy as author of “The Slight Edge” Jeff Olson has put it. For me, abstinence to nofap truly means nothing. Just by abstaining, sure you get physiological benefits benefits with your reward circuitry, sensitivity, hell morning wood… but my point is, that is all temporary if you don’t truly decide to be the person you envision yourself destined to become.
I’m 19 now, my birthday was just 2 days ago, and I realized, again, similar to another post I’ve made in here, that I’m no longer scared of being 25 and still at these same old habits. I honestly thought to myself as a junior in high school, your going to be doing this your whole life. I always hoped I die at like 30 so I could escape my “miserable life” that I knew I was destined to become. While, I realize now, that the only person I am destined to become is the person I decide to be.
And I want everyone who is not already on board with this notion, to get on board! For christ sake, we’re all gathered here on an internet forum talking about how miserable our lives are because we watch all this porn and jack off all the time. I have a deep deep yearning to move past this point in my life.
I haven’t figured it all out yet. I still fight the fight everyday too. But one things forsure, it has gotten easier, I’m back on my feet quicker, and the quality of my life has improved DRAMATICALLY. I am a happier totally different person. My life is becoming more than I could have ever imagined it to be, but better, because I’m actually living it out.
I want every who is not on board to get on board! Again, this may be preaching to the choir. But even for myself, just typing this has been a cathartic reminder of what I’m at this thing for.
Develop your philosophy and I personally GUARANTEE, YOU, can be on your way to a better life without porn. For just 19.99 plus shipping and handling.
(when I have the mental energy, hungover as shit right now, **I still reserve my right to be a dumb ass college student** I’ll be back to expand on some of these thoughts and edit them into this post. I want to talk more about baby steps, taking responsibility, goal setting, the spread sheet, Taoism and energy balence, yin yang, mediation, instant gratification, Americas culture and how it shapes our thinking, and a whole bunch of other stuff. For now, I need water. And breakfast. peace!
by sir fappanot