I was masturbating and “addicted” to porn, I started in middle school probably around age 12 or 13. My guess as to why I started and why porn gripped me so hard was the fact that I was scrawny and weak, or as some call it “beta”. Due to that, many boys disrespected me and picked on me, and girls always ignored me or rejected me. I never realized it as a problem because I was young and thought everyone did it every day like me.
(masturbated 1-3 times a day, every day since middle school, some days I skipped, but I’d say I averaged around 7-8 faps a week). Anyway, throughout middle school and up to high school until about junior year, I continued this habit. My masturbation needs evolved into more hardcore shit like rape and gay stuff (Im completely straight though).
Anyway, this is where I turned my path around (temporarily). Junior year I decided I was sick of being a wimp, not getting girls, watching my friends get ass, and being lazy, I was just sick of that shit. I had no idea what nofap was or anything, but for some reason I just stopped watching porn and jerking it, I felt disgusted by it, even though I was heavily addicted to it, I knew there was a problem. I stopped jerking it for around 28 days, didn’t count but I remember it was around that number. I started lifting and getting in shape. I had always lifted to try to beef up but nothing worked. During this streak, something magical happened, and I don’t believe it was placebo because I didn’t even know what nofap was! I started to beef up seriously, my bench press shot up around 40 pounds in this streak; I gained serious strength in other lifts too. My weight went from 130 to 145 in just about 3 weeks.
And it doesn’t stop there; I started noticing ABSURD amounts of attention from women in my school, even the really attractive ones that I used to fap to. I had a hot chick tell me on that I’m a 9.1 on a scale of hotness and proceeded to hook up with her at a party later that night. Girls would just blatantly check me out, and get all flirty with me. I remember one time I was walking down the halls, probably bout 2 and half weeks in and this fairly cute chick literally stopped what she was doing and stared at me like a deer in headlights, her eyes lit up. I also saw at least 8-9 girls give the elevator gaze, you know the top to bottom look. Now honestly I was kind of overwhelmed by all the attention, I was used to being pushed aside and being ignored, so I never really made a move.
But during this streak I had a couple of days where I felt insane confidence, and this ultimately leads to my next little magic that I pulled. The chick of my dreams (short, brunette, feminine girl) started flirting with me a bit, while she had a boyfriend. I asked her out, I don’t know why but I felt I could do it. SHE ACCEPTED, WHILE SHE HAD A BOYFRIEND. I ended up hanging out with this chick around 3-4 times before I actually stole her from this guy (kind of feel like a dick now for it but whatever). We proceeded to hookup multiple times including some head. I literally became known as a beast around school, men respected me, women wanted me, I was a walking example of a “bad boy” and it felt great. I was pretty jacked, and developed a very badass swagger, I started dressing cooler and taking better care of myself, yanno cause I was getting attention, I had to always look good.
But then eventually things got weird, I started having anxiety again and feeling like wimp, the girl I stole started acting cold to me or indifferent, she started talking to her ex again…I was destroyed. I had no idea what happened back then or to why I was such a beast for those few weeks. But now when I think about it, she started losing attraction for me once I started masturbating again. My anxiety and weakness started coming back. After those 28 days or so I fell right back into my addiction and shit changed slowly but surely. By the end of my senior year I had lost a lot of my attention and respect, and my strength was stagnant and no longer improving. I struggled to get girls, I got laid by a couple not so hot girls and desperate chicks and I just felt awful the next day.
This brings me to my next chapter, I moved on to college where I’m a freshman now. I was ready to bang sloots and become a total king in college, but when I got there…it didn’t happen. I was an outcast almost, really dead and unmotivated, I almost felt ugly and unwanted for the first semester of college. I started jerking off to webcam chicks and have online sex and do a bunch of F’ed up shit. It was gross, I was disgusted by myself, I knew I had to stop. I stumbled on nofap and started reading some stories; I started putting the pieces together and take action. I was EXTREMELY addicted to porn at this point, and still am sort of struggling. 2nd semester came around and I ceased PMO for 23 days, the benefits were nuts. It felt like a second puberty.
-Deeper Voice- Seriously my voice went down so much, it was not placebo, I had people even tell me my voice was so low, it was great.
-Muscle/Fitness- I still lifted 4-5 days a week, but my gains started to pickup again. First semester of college I was around 150, now I’m up to 160 and my strength increased too.
-Mental Clarity- I no longer had that brain fog, I felt much calmer and at ease and could fire witty comments at people pretty often.
-Facial Hair/Head Hair- My beard grows much darker and thicker, and another shocking thing that happened was the thickening of my hair, my hair was brittle and weak and looked very unhealthy, but now its thick and dark, and women comment on how nice it is!
-Skin/Eyes- My skin became less pale and more vibrant, my eyes started shining more.
-Confidence/Eye Contact- My confidence became healthy, I no longer wished to be “alpha” over everyone anymore, I became content with who I am and wasn’t afraid to assert myself. My eye contact became strong, men would look away usually when I locked eyes with them, and women would hold it in awe or look down shyly (although some women, didn’t seemed too phased by my eyes sometimes).
-Social Anxiety/Depression- My social anxiety was a huuuuuuge problem while addicted to PMO, I would sometimes just freeze in social situations and became fearful almost, now It is almost gone, I get the occasional anxiety but I can control it better. I was never actually depressed, but I did have some negative thoughts and shit, now I’m much more positive, I find joy in life and the little things.
-Women attention- I noticed a sharp increase in the attention I get from women, they feel my presence more and pay me more attention, I used to get ignored by them but now they ask who I am, and talk to me. Also not all women but some start flirting with me and get all submissive, it’s not placebo, trust me the subtle things they do and say to me are CLEARLY signs or attraction and flirting. They look down and smile at me, their voice get all high and squeaky, they play with their hair, they maintain eye contact. The big thing I realized with women on nofap though is they will give you signs of interest, some more than others, but it YOUR job to act on it.
Anyway I “relapsed” and went into a binge for a week or two and saw these benefits slowly diminish. Now I am on a 14 day streak and Im seeing all the benefits come back slowly. My benefits became very apparent around day 17 or 18 in my last streak. So if you’re struggling jus tbe patient, nofap isn’t the end all be all, but if you’re patient and dedicated and actually take action, things will turn around for most of you. Let me know what you think, this story is the real deal I promise you, I really wanted to share with you guys that are struggling and have potential. I was once that guy and still am slowly evolving out of that phase, but I will make it, I am STRONG.
This is my 3rd serious, and 2nd intentional attempt at nofap. My first streak was unintentional as I didn’t even know anything about nofap or the negatives of PMO, lasted around 28 days or so. 2nd streak was 23 days, and now i’m on a 20 day streak. I’m 19 and a freshmen at college, my journey really just is a journey to be a better man, and to be truly happy. Getting chicks is just gonna be a bonus for me.
So far things have been progressing, i’ve had my highs and lows, but I feel a lot better and happier with life. I think the changes have been subtle and slow but I’m DEFINITELY in a better place right now mentally and physically even.
* MENTAL * -Almost nonexistent social anxiety, I feel no uncomfortableness and am at ease around groups and strangers. Although I still have slight anxiety around attractive girls but its definitely weakening. * -I am much calmer, my mind isn’t racing as fast, no perverted or irrational thought, less compulsive behavior * -My mood feels stabilized, I feel whatever I am feeling and ride with it, and negative thoughts don’t appear as much. Much more positive thoughts and hope. * -My focus is much sharper, my reactions seem quicker, I am much more with it. I think this is the disappearing of the brain fog, allowing my to think and react much more efficiently. Although I must say, sometimes my brain priortizes sex and girls more than school and work, which can be a distraction, I’m learning to work with this though. * -I feel much more confident, almost a healthy confidence, I feel like a man, living life with a purpose. My assertiveness and drive have drastically improved. I think manly and mature thoughts, I feel as if I am finally growing as a human being.
* SOCIAL * -Like I said little to no anxiety, my conversations flow smoother, I have cool things to talk about. * -I feel more of a connection with humans, I value friendship and intimacy waaay more. * -The newfound confidence allows me to lead socially more and speak my mind, I am much more relaxed in social situations * -My drive for social interaction has improved drastically, I actually enjoy the presence of good human beings and a good conversation. * -I have noticed that I am much more of a social “magnet” I was at a party this weekend and I had many more people and even a couple of girls come up to me and just start chatting with me, we had nice conversations and got to know eachother. This is something that I never had before, as I think I gave off an unapproachable vibe. I feel as if I give off more a approachable, open, warm vibe now, people are interested in me more. * -Eye contact is easier, no need to dart my eyes away, feels more natural, still working on it though as it ha become a habit to not look one in the eyes. * -Although I’m still working on my social skills, and they have been improving, I still need some work. I’m getting better with friendly social interaction, but I am not so great at flirting with girls and creating sexual tension just yet, but I am getting there!
* Physical * -Voice got slightly deeper, but definitely clearer and more pronounced, I speak with confidence now and people like that. * -My skin is clearer and my skin tone has improved, my face looks alot healthier. * -My eyes have a glow to them, and look healthier as well, no longer glazed. * -My muscles feel fuller, and my strength has been improving at a much faster rate. * -My beard comes in thicker and more dense, it looks a hell of alot more manly. The head on my hair is thicker and richer now, A lot easier to style. * -My posture is better, I stand more grounded now, feet planted and firm. My body language had become very masculine and sexual, I feel like this is just natural as you body is trying to attract a mate for release. * -Overall I feel like my fitness and health is stronger. I feel like my immune system is working better, my brain, my hormones, everything feels like it is working right and naturally.
* Girls/Attraction * -I’ve noticed some days chicks are eyeing me up or staring at me, somedays I don’t even care to notice. I’m a decent looking guy, some have called me handsome and cute. I have a muscular build and almost a 6 pack. 5’11 160 and slender/lean. So I know I’m physically attractive to some degree. * -I think all these improvements definitely help, but I think nofap gives you that extra edge, it makes you realize that looks really aren’t everything, girls like a good looking guy and muscles and all that, but those traits are nothing if you’re a complete wuss and have no confidence. * -It’s definitely easier to talk to girls now, but my “game” still kind of sucks. I think I just need to progress my game now, because nofap eliminates the barriers to do that. * -Chicks are definitely more submissive to me now, I feel like its because I’m starting to become manlier.**
I really have a hard time believing any of this is placebo, because I yield very similar results each time I do this challenge, and everytime I slip into relapse and binge, I lose the benefit…but I’m open and can understand and see how this could possibly all be in my head. Anyway, let me know what you think or if you have any questions, I love to answer questions and share opinions. I will be posting every ten days or so to track progress.
LINK – Progress report (Day 20)