I really don’t need much support at the moment; but I realized there might be people who need the encouragement, and remembered that these posts were the reasons I wanted to get here in the first place. I’ll repeat what’s been said before – it gets a whole lot easier.
I still want to watch porn and I definitely would if it weren’t harmful; but saying, “no,” has never been simpler than it is now.
I did get “triggered” yesterday for the first time ever, which is an interesting experience. I was on FB like usual and some girl had posted pictures from swimming on the Fourth. I’ve seen pics like these a lot and usually am not fazed but I happened to have that one passing thought that inexplicably becomes a mental pivot.
After that, I could feel my heart beating all day. It wasn’t beating fast, just hard to the point that I felt it every time. I also felt like I could hear every breath I took.
But let’s look at the life changes that I’ve noticed since starting to be free of addiction.
- Dwindling anxiety and depression: there is more yet to lose but I know it will be gone in the months to come. This much gone is a lifesaver already, literally.
- Actually trying: probably a combination of lowered anxiety and no longer having that dulling effect where everything seems shitty compared to how exciting porn is. I’m sure many of you can relate to how I was before; feeling like you have the yips all the time is the best way I know to describe it. Like no matter how many times you do something, you never get good at it or feel like it comes naturally. That’s gone now.
- Having a job: basically a result of the last result. I get praise at work for my performance when before, at every job I held I was just barely acceptable.
- Caring less of what girls think: a huge one, and the book “No More Mr. Nice Guy” definitely helped. I never once expected myself to have this problem because I never consciously thought about being nice to girls. The book really did open my eyes to the subconscious meaning of all my feelings and I’m now starting to live to please myself, not to please women. There’s far too much in the book to explain it all briefly but a big point is, “by living to please women, Nice Guys make themselves disposable.”