I’m 20 recently a virgin until a few weeks ago. Had ED with 2 girls before, one girl many times. Honestly suicide was heavy on my mind after this. I never felt so ashamed, embarrassed, sick, etc before in my life. The last time was my last straw. I gave up porn for a couple months and masturbated less than once a week. Nothing helped.
See when I was with girls all I ever wanted was a blow job never thought about sex because I just didn’t honestly. It was easier, more sexy, and I didn’t have to do anything to orgasm. I would watch porn and orgasm to sex but in real life my mind never went to sex, maybe this is just me. This lasted until a year ago when i wanted to start to have sex instead of oral but could never get it up to penetrate the girl’s vagina. I could easily get hard to bj’s but when it was time for sex, immediately it went down. I always saw vaginas as weird and gross but the thought of a man even near me naked made me want to throw up.
One night saved my life. I was with a girl kissing in my friend’s room at a party and we ended up both naked and guess what… I had a ROCK hard boner. she didn’t want to have sex so i took a bj BUT I realized what the problem was and how I was able to have sex if i wanted it. You NEED to think and concentrate on sex with the body in front of you! This might sound obvious but to a kid whose been watching porn his whole life and never had to concentrate during masturbation this was news to me.
I always thought when you’re with a girl you should be thinking about nothing because naturally you should want to have sex with her right? Not for me. All these failed attempts nothing was going on in my head and I mean nothing. How are you supposed to get stimulated if you’re thinking about nothing? Think about the girl in front of you and sex! No one seems to be making this point but it fixed me up as soon as I thought about it.
How funny the mind works, as soon as I changed my focus, I started getting boners every single time. FOCUS is the word that I will tell you is the solution. If for one second, your focus is off the girl and sex in front of you, you will not get hard. Focus focus focus on sex and you will be free. Stopping porn, masturbation, and orgasm will do nothing for you psychologically. If you weren’t stimulated before you won’t be after. Everything is in your head on not in your head.
Practice by looking at real girls and just think about fucking them and only think about that. The worry you have now that even I have now typing is irrelevant because if you listen to me, when your with the girl your mind will be focused on sex not one worry. I wondered why I couldn’t get a boner with a girl for months and it drove me crazy.
I did everything in the book: meditation, yoga, gym, no gap, no porn… The ONLY thing that worked for me was in the moment focusing on sex with the girl. I feel like this point is not talked about at all by anyone and I feel it is my duty to share my story and experience with everyone.
Hopefully many of you will read this and again just god damn focus on fucking when ur with a girl. I promise you, it will work. God bless you all I know how painful this experience is but just keep learning and fighting and soon you and I will all be free
BY – mmm
COMMENTS UNDER POST
Glad you found a solution that works for you. Avoiding fantasy thought during sex is talked about all over this forum and is definitely an important part of overcoming anxiety and divorcing yourself from porn–especially during sex. But for most guys, it will only be a part of the solution and they should learn from Gary Wilson’s videos and all the information on yourbrainonporn.com
Been there, tried it, didn’t work.
I’m glad this works for you and that you’re happy, but I’ve tried this many, many times and it never worked for me.
Not to sound rude but almost every guy here, including myself who’s had ED in the bedroom is usually more than focused when trying to have sex. The solution is not that simple. My last encounter with a woman I was dating, I tried it all but porn had my brain operating wrong. Glad you found what works for you though