The biggest reaction I’ve had was emotional sensitivity. Every joy was more joyful and every sorrow more sorrowful… But my will has become powerful. I am called a savage by many who know me, because, though I am quiet, I have become so keen at saying so much in so few words.
When I speak, everyone stops to listen, and they laugh, or they feel emotion, or they are enlightened, more often than not. I have become wiser, more pure, stronger, more attractive, more confident, more dominating, more immovable, more well respected by all men and women I encounter.
I went from a lonely nobody who no one knew to a very popular and well like executive in student government. I rose through the ranks quickly and with certainty in less than a year, making speeches in front of large crowds and being courageous and wise where no one else would be. People want me to become a part of their organizations.
I am a symbol, a mystery, a substantial being.
Women feel comfortable around me, they are friendly with me. Attractive women call me a stud, respectable men call me a savage. I have made several very deep and meaningful relationships with friends, new and old. I have gotten physically stronger, mentally tougher. I have become a leader. I have become intense.
But most of all, I have been humbled. I know what it’s like to be damned. To be spiritually broken, prostrate on the ground in an onslaught of my own tears, contemplating suicide and watching as my hopes and dreams shattered, while the falling shards cut deeply into my flesh, and my blood overflowed onto the cold earth.
This is the pain of man. This is the responsibility of men. To rise from nothing and to achieve what no man has achieved. To dominate and to win through love, and most of all, by pain and sacrifice, each drop of blood a testament to an immense character. This is our Earth. We must fight, and give our lives, to become all that we are, and all that we are meant to be.
LINK – Day 94 on hardmode
PREVIOUS POST – Day 93: Struggles and Reflections
I have struggled deeply for many years with an addiction to porn and masturbation. It began in my youth, perhaps when I was 13 or 14, and carried on to my 20th year. Around the age of 18, I began to feel extreme guilt as a result of my pornographic consumption. It was a light nagging feeling at first. A small tinge of regret at the end of each daily session which did nothing to warrant a substantial change.
However, when I began to desire true intimacy with a woman, upon my approach, I found myself utterly and completely socially emaciated in my interactions with them. Sudden realization of this and the subsequent heartbreak turned my pathetic and empty shell of a human body towards a bout of extreme depression; fierce and unrelenting sorrow pierced my pathetic heart in brutally merciless and unforgiving ways. I needed to make a change.
How did I kick this addiction, you ask? How did I beat this strong-as-a-heroin-addiction addiction? For me, it was God.
At first, it was justification of my actions. Soon, it became empty apologies. Later, sincere apologies, and soon, total and complete surrender, prostrate on a floor before an altar, completely broken and without alternative. It was still a long and hard fought battle, but the truth is there.
I’m on day 93. I made it this far. How have you made it? What is your motivation for greatness?