I am a 20 year old Male from the USA. Have been masturbating since I could, really. Age 12. Started using porn at probably age 14. Since then, I have masturbated once a day to porn. Sometimes twice.
As for my sexual history, it is fairly “normal”. I have had 3 sexual partners in my young life. Never had problems in the bedroom. If I did, it was under intoxication, which I figured was normal.
I hadn’t noticed I had a porn problem until recently. I started fighting porn addiction/masturbation as of 2 years ago but didn’t take it all too serious until this year. 10 months ago, I met up with a female friend who I slept with a long time before. Our plan was to have sex, and though I was extremely attracted to her, I bailed during the situation. I couldn’t get it up in foreplay. I thought it was because I wasn’t comfortable (maybe anxiety) with the situation. Went home after the situation, masturbated to porn no problem. hmmm. Did some research, thank god I found YBOP and NoFap. I began fighting porn/masturbation for the last 10 months with little success until now.
My addiction is fairly severe. Porn sessions lasted roughly 1.5 – 3 hours. I knew I really started to get bad with Porn when I would spend hours trying to find my fix, and sometimes never even finding what I want.
Over the course of my 6 years using Porn/Masturbation, I’ve developed wicked fetishes. I used to be able to get rock hard over a vanilla video of societies ideal pornstar. As time went on, I required more and more to get me off–to the point that my masturbation habits were no longer meeting reality and worse… no longer meeting my sexual orientation (which is straight). I’ll leave that at that… Fetishes caused me great shame, anxiety, and perhaps depression. And still do in some ways. But are getting better (see below).
With the above said, my goals are clear.
1) Recover from PIED
2) Remove fetishes.
The thought of not being able to get aroused by my ideal mate is among my worst fears. And the thought of wanting something else that is not who i truly am, is another worst fear. My life goal is to find the greatest love from a woman that I possibly can. This will not happen unless I overcome porn addiction.
How to Begin Recovery:
Abstaining from porn/masturbation seems impossible, right? If you would have told me a year ago today that in 1 year I would not masturbate for a week, I would have told you “HA yeah right. No possible”. The simple fact is that its quite easy. Easier than you think.
Firstly, you need a plan that is 100 PERCENT. You need to go all in. Reading some other success stories on the forum, I see so many commenters saying “Wow man I hope I can make it to there” or “I hope I soon can recover”… Dude. I understand Porn addiction and masturbation is insanely hard, but come on. If you’re sitting on the forum day after day expressing your guilt for constant relapse, you’re just wasting time. Take action.
The first day is the hardest to make. “Should I start tomorrow? Wait til friday? Wait til next week?” Start now. The first 2 weeks is hard. You think about porn constantly. Your brain is having trouble re-adjusting. But I promise you, your d*ck will not explode. You’ll find its pretty easy after awhile. One day you go to bed and you think “wow, i didnt even battle any urges. This is pretty easy.”
After 2 weeks in, your brain begins to accept that you are not getting sexual pleasure anymore. And it typically responds with a flatline. Which I completely welcome to happen because It makes it so easy! (And i’m not sexually active at the moment).
If you can make it 2 weeks without porn/fapping, you can make it 90 days.
Tips to Remain Abstinent:
- When your brain calls for porn/masturbation, cut if off! Redirect the mind, it works very well!
- Fantasy will make your recovery extremely difficult. I have fantasized a lot before bed. And sometimes it can even have a “chaser effect”, making the next few days very difficult. (see “PIED Recovery” below for more info)
- Read About Recovery! The brain is so fascinating. Truly. It is so SENSITIVE to change. It is helpful to understand what is happening to your brain when you are trying to recover. Understanding basic principles of porn addiction, dopamine, reward circuitry, brain synapses, etc, provides you with insight that helps you recover.
- Avoid triggers. I am not a hardcore promoter of this. Because I feel that some triggers will always be present in life. I don’t block my internet searches. I don’t abstain from liking my hot female friends pics on instagram. I just know that I can’t masturbate to them. And I have become strong by stopping my thoughts of doing that. All in all, even the strongest nofappers have deadly triggers. Recognize them.
- Health: Become physically active. I recommend cardio over weight training. Thats just what helps me most with PMO addiction. It releases more internal energy for me. But i promise you that exercise helps so much. It releases built up energy. In addition, eat healthy. It will BOOST recovery.
- When the going-gets-rough, don’t give up. I just broke out of a 3 days insane horny mode. All i could think about is porn and masturbation. But it does end eventually.
- Remember: Every day is a new day. Focus on TODAY. Don’t worry about if you’re gonna relapse tomorrow. Worry about making it through the night. Your body resets upon sleep. And your sexual tension usually will too.
- Extreme increase in interest of females in my environment
- Less anger
- Slightly more confidence
- Anxiety rapidly increased at first weeks of recovery, now is decreasing!
- Hemorrhoids are insane! No idea why but never had them this severe until abstinence.
- Make choices easier
- Worry a bit less
- Find females more physically attractive (general horniness)
- Overall, way happier without the guilt of Porn.
This section is for those guys like me who are constantly pressured by PIED and constantly in fear of being “ruined” by not being able to perform. You are not alone.
In my 32 days of abstinence, It is uncertain wether PIED has been cured yet. Please recall, I only ever had 1 PIED instance. And it very likely could have been due to anxiety or some other variable. I won’t ever know until I have sex again.
I think that PIED is cured for me. My penis is very sensitive. I truly think that I could have a healthy sexual relationship. Why? I just feel like I can now. I feel that if a woman were next to me, I could easily get hard, like i remember so clearly from my previous sexual experiences, where even a kiss would get me rock solid (its been 2 years since my last time having sex).
One indicator that can help you see if you’re making recovery is, try to fantasize about a previous sexual experience. This only works for guys who are not virgins. You cannot fantasize about Porn though. It has to be realistic. Put yourself in the moment and think thoroughly about this previous experience. If you are becoming erect, you will know where you stand. This is not a 100% indicator. But it can show yourself that you are getting excited over realistic scenarios instead of Porn and fetishes. Proceed with caution, as it could lead to relapse. And also, this is not for every PIED guy. But those with severe fetishes that dont match reality. Also, don’t frustrate yourself if the above method doesn’t work, it does not necessarily mean recovery isn’t made. It could mean you’re thinking too hard (no pun intended). Often, PIED victims experience performance anxiety along with it, which could consciously be interfering with your erection connection to your brain
FIND AN AP:
I cant stress this enough. Find yourself an Accountability Partner on the NoFap forum. My partner is the sole reason I have made recovery to this point. Before conversing with him, I made 2 weeks max. We message each other once a day on NoFap.com. I strongly recommend finding a good AP!
Being able to get things off your chest and see recovery in a new perspective makes recovery easier.
Fetishes are such an annoyance. You are not alone. Upon recovery. I have had a decrease in my desire for fetishes. I would say some less desired ones have disappeared, but most are still there. But their intensity is decreasing. I am more attracted to real-life women now, and less for my fetishes.
DONT let fetishes ruin recovery. I used to say “wtf. Who cares. Im ruined anyway.” and would relapse. And still, during recovery, sometimes I am pulled down by the frustration of fetishes, but always pull through. Don’t let the negativity keep you from defeating them.
If you are worried about fetishes ruining your sexual future, don’t. Believe in the plasticity of the brain. Believe in your primitive instincts as a male to produce sperm for a natural female mate. One thing I have noticed, upon talking to attractive girls while recovering, is that my sexual arousal for them overpowers fetish interests. And while interacting with these girls, my fetishes completely disappear.
I will have more to add during my full success story.
This was a quick and dirty success story. My intentions are to help some new rebooters, and to provide some hope for those who are battling PIED and fetishes.
I hope you all meet your recovery goals and acquire the greatest status of yourself that you can.
Congratulations to those who are making solid recovery!
Please stay tuned for Dec 31st, when I will be writing a 90 day review on the my recovery of PIED, fetishes, and PMO addiction.