When I started this thing 90 days ago, I was going through the most difficult period of my life mentally. I had a panic attack in an exam hall with well over 600 students in attendance. As soon as I got home, I released my stress through porn. That would be the last time I’ve PMO’d till now.
I still remember what I was watching, how I was ferociously surfing for the perfect scene, which turned out to be tranny porn.
Later that night, I remember feeling so anxious and filled with such low self esteem that I searched up online why I felt this way. It turns out, I had anxiety. I was so scared that I would feel this way for the rest of my life that I decided to change.
Although at the time, not knowing that porn was the root to my anxiety problems, I decided to give it up anyway in an attempt to become a more religious individual. This is one of the main reasons why I haven’t gone back and I hope that I never will.
I remember for about the first two weeks, anxiety got worse and then came depression, which was extremely tough to deal with. But I came through them both.
Fast forward 90 days and I’m so much better than I was before my anxiety and depression days. I’m so much more confident, I see things much clearer, motivation improved heaps and bounds and I’ve improved ties with a number of people.
For example, before I would always avoid going to family gatherings and over to relatives. During this reboot I’ve spent most days at my cousins’ house which has helped me massively too. I’ve developed a special relationship with one of my cousins who didn’t like me at all before (in fact she just messaged as I’m writing this).
In hindsight, over the years I’ve fapped, I’d have to say my lowest point was one I was 17. I had just woken up to the news that my grandfather passed away and I felt absolutely no sadness, while my sister bawled her eyes out. The first thing I did when I got up was turn my laptop on and PMO’d. When I finished I felt so empty and lifeless. I also remember asking myself why my sister was even crying so much.
At the time I thought I was normal and nothing was wrong with me but looking back, I now know how messed up I was.
Just recently, during the streak, my grandmother passed away and I felt so emotional. I cried so much. I felt so much love for her that I couldn’t get myself to leave her grave after we buried her.
I’ve had so many ups these past few weeks, I’m generally funnier, more interactive and good company. I also remember laughing so hard at something so random. I haven’t laughed like that since childhood.
All I want to conclude with is that NoFap WILL change your life if you are fully committed to it. I’m at 90 days but can’t wait to reach 180.
LINK – My story