I didn’t always have anxiety – it was something that I developed later on in life. When it did develop though it became really bad. It crippled me severely and affected multiple areas of my life. I started to notice it in the middle of my highschool years.
During this time i went from occasionally masturbating to doing it daily, sometimes multiple times in a day. This habit continued for a long time.
I took 2 years off in-between high school and college and worked to save up and figure out what career I wanted to pursue. During the end of those 2 years in the summer before my first semester of college I found some information that related not masturbating to lower levels of anxiety. That summer I probably masturbated a handful of times in the 3-4 months. During this time I felt great. My confidence was high, I could talk to anyone and hold a conversation. I felt more alert and alive and just felt good in general all around.
Fast forward to my first semester in College and bad really bad acne. I felt bad about my skin, but my anxiety was still manageable. However i felt bad about my appearance and wanted a release. Guess what I started doing again. It became multiple times a day very very quick. It felt good to do it again and just release. I continued doing it multiple times a day for quite some time. Anxiety levels at this point are sky high.
I realised this and stopped masturbating, thinking once again this may be a major cause to my anxiety. Fast forward another couple months my skin is a lot clearer I feel good about my appearance again. I haven’t been masturbating and my confidence is up again, but I get a little thought.. Maybe it was the acne that caused my anxiety spike and not my problem with porn and masturbating. I carry this thought for some times and i notice i feel good and confident. I think to myself it probably was just the acne and me feeling insecure about my appearance.
I wake up one day and decide to pull out the good old laptop. I crank one out and instant regret. This may sound weird, but as soon as i busted my nut I felt something leave my body (besides the semen.) I felt a little drained and some mental fog I felt like a bunch of positive energy left my body. Anxiety comes back. It comes back hard. It was not the acne it was in fact my habit.
I have decided to stop watching porn and masturbating. I am only a week or 2 into it again, but I can feel my confidence rising again. I have made my connection and I need no further reasons to break my habit. I no longer want to watch people have fake sex and get off.
If I want sex that bad I will go out and look for it myself. I am not willing to trade feeling confident, alive and alert for a brief moment of pleasure. I am hoping if anyone suffers from anxiety they will try this and have success with no fap.
Let’s become the best we can be and live out our fantasies in real life rather than watching strangers have fake sex on a screen and pleasuring ourselves. I have all the reasons I need to stop my cycle, I hope you all find yours. Stay strong it is worth it.
I am 20 currently. I have been using since I was in grade 8, but heavy use began in highschool.
Tldr – Masturbation was a large cause to my anxiety that I did not want to admit to myself. I am stopping I hope you do too.