I am a 20 yo European dude, 3rd year at university. This is my NoFap story, which started 9 months ago. Story 11 months ago I was lost. I started questioning my life and life in general, went searching for meaning in life and why my life was the way it was. I felt like something was missing in my life but did not really know what.
It was time for me to have more friends. Picked up reading books, meditation, new hobby (free diving). Worked out more. Quit smoking pot, was doing this for 5 weeks in a row almost every day, whereas before I did it occasionally. Decided I did not want to become dependent on pot. During this time I thought A LOT about life and in this ago where do we go with questions? Yes indeed, the internet. About 2 months in this process I asked myself one day: “Why do I fap?” Googled it and found this community. And so began my Nofap journey…
Fapping history First time I saw P was probably at age 13-14, did not watch it regularly due to central family computer. Some months none, some a few times. Turning 18 and going to university I got my own computer and yeah you guessed it, started to watch more and more, 2 years later I watched almost every night. During this period, starting at 13-14, I fapped very regularly, not exactly every day but who cares, let’s say I fapped every day. Mostly before I went to sleep, thinking about real girls. During high school I had success with girls, but I was very bad with them. Most times I realized it too late when a girl was interested in me. Probably had some issues here with thinking I was not pretty (since early on a lot of people said that I was pretty, never cared much for this because how can oneself decide if he is pretty?). And some issues due to being bullied when younger, I realize this only now. Shame but the past is the past. So my demand for girls was always quite low but the offer was there.
Starting Nofap After reading some stories and ‘Your Brain On Porn’ and in the momentum of self-improvement I said to myself: “you are no a P addict and you are going to prove it by completing the 90 day challenge” HAHAHA how WRONG was I? I was also convinced I had no social anxiety problems because when needed I could go up and talk to people but when not needed I rarely did, looking back this I certainly had some of it. Also had ED without knowing because I did not get any further with girls than kissing (for the few I kissed). Had no game. Had sex with two girls in high school, both where awkward and semi failure (because of ED probably).
The Challenge MAN MAN MAN, what a thing it is. First 20 days where crazy, constantly thinking about sex and sexual things, after this it got slightly better to a flatline period, this was awesome because I had zero interest to look at girls and zero libido. Flatline ended and I had controllable urges. Reached 70 days without relapsing whatsoever. BUT AND A BIG BUT I was mentally there and wrote a post on me reaching it and being free of this stuff, THIS WAS NOT TRUE. Maybe from masturbation but certainly not from porn, because I thought I made it I decided to try with girls via tinder, worst idea ever. Obviously relapsed…. For a few weeks struggled to get back on the horse due to a mild ‘depressing mood’. At the same time I was still looking for myself and who I was and am, found some interesting, mainly positive stuff but it was hard to accept and took some time. Finally came to a point where I accepted what I learned and got back on the horse. During this time I did not fap but I had strong urges quit often, not every day, but often and searched for P online and stared at girls in public, more than ever before. Hard battle to fight. I did not M or O but as you might think, watching stimulating stuff without M/O has no use and is not maintainable in the long run. New stage This stuff continued and the prostitution stage came in… My mind was coming up with reasons to go see a prostitute, because yeah that is better right?, for weeks I controlled it. One evening after a party and dancing with a girl I was extremely horny, like more in the past weeks. Did not drink anything and was only a little bit tired. Thought for a long time and ended up visiting a prostitute. WHAT DID I JUST READ THAT CORRECTLY????!! Yes you did…
Thought on the prostitute thing First of all it was legal and again was not drunk at all. I read a lot of post on guys saying ‘don’t do it’ and so on. But I did it anyway and for those stressing out: I DIT NOT BECOME ADDICTED TO PROSTITUTION It stayed with the one time and this is NOT going to change anytime soon. It was actually a great thing to do for me, my horniness was since then better, A LOT better. got more comfortable around woman (because I knew everything was working and had sex right?). I know 95% of you will consider this as BS, flip and say “never do that…” I did it and it helped me! How funny it is we see going to a prostitute (when it is legal) as the devil, something evil and so much anxiety (I used to too) while fapping and porn is okay? Yes a prostitute is not a superb option but I think in order of healthy and ‘less loser’ it is something like this to me :
- 1) Girlfriend or game to score girls
- 2) Plates, F buddies
- 3) Celibacy
- 4) Prostitute only when the above are no options and celibacy is uncontrollable
- 10000000000000000) Masturbation
- 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999) Porn
Continuing to a new stage Well the story is not yet over… The prostitution thing over and around 2 months of nothing special, meaning chill, no uncontrollable urges. I entered a new stage, the strangest of them all: a fear of becoming gay, no problem with gay’s. No freaking idea what the hell this was all about but it was annoying, I read about it in a few posts of guys thinking the turned gay and after a few months finding out they were not. This stage lasted about 2-3 weeks. Did not search for it too much but man this freaked my out. This is now over.
Stage unknown I discovered another subreddit, even more powerful than this one. I am not going to mention with one because I do not want new members or strugglers to get there and try to run whilst they cannot yet crawl. Sorry, one day you will be ready and find it yourself! The stage I am in now is unknown because I have NO more urges to watch porn anymore, don’t care to look at hot girls on the streets. Started to improve game and had some success with it. Looks like I am in control of my sexual urges for now, probably for some time, but who knows? And yeah, I also accepted that I was a porn addict. Guess the denial phase is real, nowadays I don’t give a flying fuck about saying it.
update: Stage I forgot I had several weeks of not being able to enjoy electronic, popular music (never really cared for that), when the radio was on somewhere I would get an instant headache. Could be dopamine levels that were really low.
TL;DR This is a story of a 20 yo who “broke free”, read it for description of different stages. READ “Useful things that kept me going” below.
Benefits Socially: good, strangers start talking to me a lot more, enjoy small talk, have 0 social anxiety. Sleep: better, need less. Girls: more interest to actually peruse them, but don’t care that much about them all the time. Girls at not the center of my life. Energy: 100% grading your semen is precious, feels more aggressive (positively). ALMOST FORGOT: ACNE: GONE, BYE BYE no more of that shit.
Advice for beginners Start TODAY, actually yesterday. Read the stuff needed, get over it that it is not what society tells you or what you have learned. Not addicted? What would you call someone who drank alcohol, coffee for every single day in the past few years? Or someone who does drugs every day? Not the same? BULLSHIT redefine the definition of addiction that society has learned us. What do you think of when you think about an addict? Someone lying half-dead in a ditch with a needle and tripping balls on heroine? Well yes true but why do you immediately picture the most extreme scenario? and lastly: Ask yourself this: WHY IS PORN FREE? WHY DOES THE WEIRD STUFF EXIST?
- Install K9 on all your devices
- Keep going, hard mode is the way, do not fall for the 1 time a week is okay, no make your priority to fix this, then get a girlfriend or girls -> healthier and better
- Read stuff like mine to understand the stages you might go through, like flatline.
- Keep going.
- Read “Useful things that kept me going” below
Advice for guys who relapsed first time or under 5 times in a decent amount of time (5+ months) YOU CAN DO THIS, keep on going, read “Useful things that kept me going” below
Advice for guys who seem to keep on relapsing You LOSER, why are you failing? Do you want to feel shit? WHERE are you balls? Seriously cannot find the reason why you keep failing? -> well sorry to say bro but consider this: maybe you’re not ‘meant’ to be great, stop this right now and go back to fapping all you want your little shithead, this mean less competition for me and others who ‘made it’ in the dating game and in life in general, yes keep on wasting your hours, yes keep on being jealous about the guys who get the girls, get of this community and SORRY for the hard words.
Useful things that kept me going There is no magical button to push, you will have to do this on your own and it will be rough. this is a list of thing I read in other posts and found very powerful. Keep in mind this is a mental fight, you find the dark side of your brain, you try to change ‘comfort’ and the sexual need is one of the TWO basic needs after food and water, so you are fighting your animal instincts.
- 1. Know why things went wrong: example In the beginning I did a pretty good job, until I relapsed the first time. The relapse happened because I successfully managed to keep all triggers out of my life, In the long run this is impossible to keep up, I was not ready for the triggers (can be as simple as a picture of a girl in bikini on a bus stop commercial). LEARN TO LIVE WITH TRIGGERS Get out of the sexual conditioning, disarm triggers: shift ‘hot girl in bikini’ -> mmmm I like, I like looking fantasizing and getting horny TO: ‘hot girl in bikini’ -> am I going to try something with her: YES -> try, NO -> hot girl in bikini, that’s nice, NOTHING MORE!!
- 2. Dethatch porn and masturbation in your mind and reality. Masturbation without porn is still shit but slightly ‘better’. Porn gives you the chaser effect, I guarantee this: masturbate = relapse, masturbate + porn = relapse while leaving you wanting more -> second round. You do not want either of those, surely not the mast one.
- 3. DO NOT STRESS TO MUCH ABOUT A RELAPSE. (I know this is hard).
- 4. Cold showers and meditation. COLD SHOWERS: at first I did not take them because why would you right? I learned that it, as meditation, kill depression/depressive moments -> YOU ARE NOT UP TO THE DEPRESSION STAGE! DO NOT MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AS ME, please I beg you I did not spend the last 3 hours because you are going to ignore it and do a ‘self-fulfilling prophecy’ on me…
- 5. If you feel like crying, let it flow out, some guys (me also) reported crying during reboot. Crying is healthy.
- 6. IMPORTANT TOOL You probably do not stay with Nofap, you want to improve other things as well in your life, well very good sir. But make Nofap your number one priority, all the other things or super but they are secondary. This means relapsing at eating healthy? Don’t feel bad, Nofap is your number 1! -> relapse on this, feel like shit.
- 7. Stop treating every event or feeling to Nofap, maybe in the beginning this is probably always true but if you proceed it is not always an effect of Nofap. This is part of your life, learn to control it in the last stage and you will be free, thinking of everything as Nofap is going to bring you nowhere.
- 8. Think in stages, not in days, progress is not linear and it is not the same for everyone.
- 9. STOP PEDASTILIZING WOMEN
- 10. You need this more than you will ever realize.
Random comment I remember reading an article written by a psychologist, calling us stupid and other things. Even dangerous because we are a growing community and are aiming for young men/boys. He claims that we [only] did enough research on the working of the brain to be dangerous (prove this subreddit is not shit). While reading it I felt angry and sad at the same time. This guy judges a book by its cover, in quite a rough way. He grew up in a time without technology and porn and misses a crucial part of this community: ‘started watching porn -18’. We should be able to go guys to guys like that to tell them: “hey I read [NoFap] and tried it out and seems to work, can you help me further?” but NO he decided to be a hater, not even caring about the destruction of the lives of millions of men out there. TO ALL PEOPLE LIKE THAT: if I was in the same room with you, Hitler and Stalin, only had one gun with 2 bullets, I would shoot you TWICE.
Well that was it I think, if I come up with something else I will add it. I wrote this to give something back to a community of random men all over the world helping each other. This is a real pearl in an ocean of mediocracy and questions. I am proud to be a part of this community. My badge says less than I claim, I know -> reset. You can reset a badge but you cannot reset your progress, relapsing once is not resetting your progress, your body and mind DO NOT work like that.
LINK – Becoming the man I have always wanted to be.