In my early-mid 20s, I knew something was wrong. I would have trouble in bed, and that would astound me. “How can someone so young have this kind of trouble?” I would think to myself. There were times when I intentionally avoid trying to bring home a girl, fearing for my performance. I suspected porn was the cause, but this was slightly before studies such as yourbrainonporn came out yet. Doctors didn’t know because high stream porn is a recent health issue that hasn’t affected previous generations of men who used playboy magazines.
I slowly started to cut down on porn, and over the course of few months, I would see signs that it was getting better. Not great, but erection maintaining was possible. I still struggled here and there, and relapsed like many of you. It was a vicious cycle – I couldn’t perform well, I would frustrated so I would fall back on PMO, and then it would make my performance worse.
Until I truly decided to lay my foot down, and I am completely free. It’s been over a year, I think. The last 15 times I had sex recently, they were not only successful, but few of the girls complemented me on how “good” I was and how “long” I could go.
So here are my tips from a fellow nofap astronaut in bed:
- Porn is way worse than Masturbation. You shouldn’t masturbate much either, but not nearly as harmful. Porn makes your brain re-wired so that you don’t get erect in normal circumstances. Masturbation has existed throughout history of mankind: It’s normal, and our grandfathers have done it. It won’t kill you to fap purely using imagination.
- Even giving yourself the first STEP in watching porn, like “I’ll just watch the first 50 seconds of the video where she doesn’t undress” is a risky move. It will make you go further down the stairs. Just stop yourself from the beginning. This is the key to holding a long “streak”.
- There is NO streak. You shouldn’t count the days you go without porn, you should take it out of your life period. It will fuck you up. If you prefer real women over computer, just say goodbye to porn forever.
- Sometimes it’s okay to not be 100% erect the entire time you’re having sex. If you’re going at it for a good 20 minutes, and you want to take a break so you don’t blow your load early, its okay for your penis to take a breather. Don’t expect your dick to be a superman rod you see in porn – the male actors take break too, but you just never see it in screen.
- Stop focusing on what SHE wants. It’s good to want to please a woman, but for you to make her feel good, YOU have to feel good first. Rather than worrying about what she is gonna think if you can’t maintain constant erection, just let yourself enjoy everything: smell how lovely her hair is, feel how warm her clit is, drown in her moans. It will help you stay more erect.
- Premature ejaculation is closely related to Erectile Dysfunction. You pre-cum when your dick is afraid it won’t be able to maintain its current erection. The better the quality of your erection, the less likely you will pre-cum. This means Nofap.
- Performance anxiety is the #1 killer in erection. You have to relax. I cannot stress how important this is. I know its difficult, but this is a must. What I do is tell the girl I want to take it slow and relax, and maybe even ask her to massage me first. It takes the pressure off you, it takes the anxiety off of her as well, and I do honestly enjoy relaxing.
- Stick to a few positions you are comfortable with. The more positions you try, especially newer ones, the more uphill battle it is for you.
- Sex should be an intimate time between 2 people, and try to imagine your partner in that manner rather than assuming she is there to be on the receiving end of your dick. Try to throw away what porn has programmed our brains into assuming women are. It’s difficult, but can be done. It makes sex much more successful and enjoyable.
- You don’t need to be “good in bed.” Enjoy your time, practice safe sex, and remember, mistakes (“crap I came early “) happen to even non-porn affected dudes.
- Try not to eat too much before sex. Bloated stomach isn’t good for it.
I’ve been on my longest streak here (almost a year or more, with a few relapses in the first month) and I feel much more confident about everything.
Had great sex last night (twice actually), and confidence is at an all time high.
Recovery takes a long time. it took me like 4~5 complete months before I started seeing results. Most people should realize that it gets considerably easier after the first 3 months.
I’m in my late 20s. Using porn since 7th or 8th grade, but didn’t get serious until high school I think. So like from 16 or so.