I am so excited for this year. It’s T-minus TEN days until I go back down to uni, now, and thanks to this brilliant little spot on the internet I have discovered all the tools I need to make it the most incredible of my life so far in every way.
I’ve been NoFapping since April of last year with a slow but sure build-up of discipline and NF benefits ever since. In that time I have learned so much about myself and come so far that the future looks incredibly bright.
I’m excited to get back largely because while I am at my parents house for the summer I have internet access and I have still been watching porn, but down at University I’ve created an environment that makes it impossible for me to watch porn. I got rid of my smartphone and internet access down there so I can’t watch porn even if I want to. I have to go to the library to use the internet and there’s no way in hell I could ever get away with watching it there! This means that I only have 10 DAYS LEFT BEFORE I LITERALLY CAN’T WATCH PORN FOR THE REST OF THE YEAR! 😀
I’ve learned in these last 10 months that willpower is simply not enough for me to overcome this addiction. For as long as I have this addiction, I can not trust myself to be alone with the internet. Last time I thought I was OK to go back to the internet without looking at porn, I was 100% ok for a month until I hit a rough patch of intense cravings and I snapped like a twig 🙁 Never again.
I am perfectly confident that the environment I’ve created for myself down at University is the perfect one for me to develop into the man I really want to be. And it’s only TEN DAYS AWAY!!!!!!! 😀 😀 😀 😀 😀 NOTHING COULD BE MORE EXCITING!!!
To describe why I think this is going to be an amazing time in my life full of so much more self-development, let me describe to you some differences between the person I was when I first started NoFap, and the person I am now, 10 months later. Keep in mind that my longest streak so far is 19 days and I still typically relapse every week or so.
Before NoFap (10+ faps per week):
- Eye contact is always tense and awkward as fuck. I am ok with my one very close friend when I don’t think about it. But I get it even with my parents. And especially with girls. ESPECIALLY WITH ATTRACTIVE GIRLS FUCK MY LIFE.
- Always tense around people. Both mentally and physically. Why do I always feel so fucking on edge when I’m out in public? When an acquaintance talks to me? Why do I feel like I’m being judged and that I have to be careful about how I act? Fucked if I know.
- I don’t know how the fuck people are supposed to make friends with strangers. Especially when I always feel so awkward and can’t even look them in the fucking eye. I can talk to them and yarn, but developing deep rapport with people I’m not around all the time just seems like something that doesn’t happen. Not to me. I’m not really that kind of person.
- Consequentially, lets not put myself out there. Lets be content with not talking to people in my classes. Lets be inclined to avoid social things I’m invited to. I don’t need any of that anyway.
- There is always a subtle tension with even long-standing female friends that I am interested in sex. No wonder I don’t have many girl-friends and the ones I do have I’m not as comfortable around as my guy-mates.
- Not happy. Something is always not quite right and I don’t fucking know why. Is it because I don’t have a girlfriend? Is it because I’m not super attractive? Is it because I don’t have money? Do I just have to wait for happiness and contentment in life?
- Every time I manage to get a girl to show some interest in me one day, another day I’ll fuck it all up and ruin everything. My game won’t be able to carry it any further. Sometimes I wonder why I bother in the first place.
- Study? Work? I’m too fucking busy trying to find out why the fuck there hasn’t been a second in my life in the last few years when I feel 100% comfortable to relax and just be content with the moment. Something deep is wrong and my mind won’t shut up about whatever it is. Guess I’ll just have another wank.
- I don’t have time to think about the future. Right now I’m not happy and it needs to be sorted out however the fuck that’s meant to happen.
- I’m not cool. Most people won’t accept me, hot girls won’t like me. I’ll just float through life clinging on to the people that eventually somehow show up that I do get along OK with.
- OH FUCK I JUST BUMPED INTO AN ACQUAINTANCE THAT I GOT ALONG WITH LAST TIME NOW I HAVE TO NOT FUCK IT UP THIS TIME I HAVE TO BE COOL OH MAN I’M NOT READY FOR THIS I’M JUST TRYNA BUY SOME FOOD MAN I DON’T WANT THIS UMM I’M PRETTY BUSY GOTTA GO NOW SEEYA ‘ROUND. FUUUUUUUUCK!!!!!!
- I turn up to work to work. Not to interact with my colleagues unnecessarily. Why don’t they care about me that much?
- I’d like to do something interesting and fun. But I can’t even think of anything interesting and fun to busy myself with even if I wanted to. Nothing is really that interesting. I’m just gonna try get ok grades. At least that’s something to fill my time with in the meantime.
- The future really doesn’t look very clear or exciting :\
10 months of significantly reduced PMO:
- Still feel a bit crap after a relapse. But I know it will go away. No big deal just keep trucking.
- Oh man it’s been a few days now since I last PMO’d. I feel pretty fucking alright really. I don’t really feel very tense. Life’s pretty alright. Not perfect, got things to improve, but I can relax and be content.
- Strangers? I can’t believe I ever used to avoid contact with these people, what’s so bad about this?
- Can look people in the eye without it being awkward or feeling at all tense or unnatural. I literally can’t remember a time I could do this within the last ~4 years.
- Woah it’s been a week since I last PMO’d, these girls really don’t mind talking to me aye. Holy shit it is so incredible when you lock eyes with a girl and you know you’re attracted to each other. Fuuuck I can feel this feeling in my stomach this is so wonderful! Why hasn’t this been happening to me these past few years?
- I don’t really need to constantly worry too much about the things I’m trying to avoid nowadays… I actually would rather just absorb myself in something I enjoy doing. Like studying… Heilig Scheisse, Ich habe jetzt so viel Deutsche gelernt! In nur zwei Monaten! (Holy shit, I have learned so much German now. In only two months!) Oh man, the world is so interesting! Why are there so many interesting things all of a sudden that I want to learn!? I’m gonna be spending ALLLL of my time at the library this year! OMG I’M TURNING INTO SOMEONE WHO CARES ABOUT LEARNING THINGS.
- The future looks more incredible that I ever could have imagined. SO MANY PLANS.
- I can’t wait to meet heaps of new people this year and make lots of friends and do heaps of cool things.
- There’s nothing really that wrong with me after all.
- I like work. I like talking to colleagues. God I’ve been missing out.
If this trend keeps itself up I’m gonna be one deeply happy man within long! And in 10 days my efforts will be supercharged 😉