Background I was addicted to porn since my puberty started to hit. I was considered shy and lonely guy who likes to stay quite a lot. Due to isolation and loneliness i found no one except porn to deal with my emotions. Sooner i was addicted to porn and i started using porn as a fix to deal with my my emotions.
So emotional states like – depressions, not getting enough love, anxiety, worries, exam stress, fear etc started working as a trigger for me to watch porn so that i could fix myself temporary. I never knew that porn is itself the reason i am experiencing these emotions.
The day i found nofap I still remember the day i found nofap. It was like getting a new purpose in life to live. I found myself crying and thanking this community to exist. So I started fixing myself. I stopped all the porn. Sooner i found it’s not easy as it seems. Due to years of conditioning and attaching myself to porn emotionally I found it hard to quit porn.
The Only Solution Which Worked
1.Meditation- I didn’t experience any urge (to watch porn) whenever my mind was in a state of meditation. So i meditated everyday. It kind of makes you immune to urges.
2.Urges surfing – Emotions acted as a trigger for me to watch porn. So i tried to make peace with the urge. Whenever an urge appears acknowledge that this is the most wonderful moment of your life, Welcome this urge and sense it. Breath into the urge and try to dissolve it. Do not judge it. Urge will go away if you welcome it and sense it. After two weeks of nofap i found that these urges are becoming less powerful and appear less dues to meditation and urge surfing practice.
After 90 days I do not feel any urges to watch porn, And I am not afraid to experience one because even if get urges now i will welcome it, sense it and dissolve it into peace.
Life after 90 days Well i would say i feel like i am a normal person again. I can talk to anyone. I have more friends than i ever had in my life. Most recently I am going out with a girl but i am not sure if she likes me or not. Little things in life like watching a tree, dissolving sugar in your coffee, walking bare foot on grass etc makes you immensely happy. My mom says nowadays i smile like i used to in my childhood.