I was (and still am) 21-years-old nerd. I had never been in a relationship before. I was telling myself that I had to focus on my studies (and I was), that I didn’t need anyone in my life.
At times, I would even be blaming girls for not paying attention to me. And as maybe some of you guys, I was literally thinking every day about my virginity. I was considering every way to get laid.
As for fapping, I started at 15, watching P online. I thought I had found the perfect way to avoid finding a relationship. For 3 years, I’ve been fapping 3-4 times a week. That’s not heavy M but still enough to create addiction, to generate insomnia, lack of concentration, brain fog, … I tried to stop several times on my own, but I was not trying hard enough, so I soon came back to my old habits. Because of family issues, I ran into depression and stopped the NoFap challenge for a long while. When I was about to hit rock bottom, I realized I had to change! That’s when I started to do it very seriously
I’ve not been fapping for more than 90 days. It changed my life completely. I learned to be less selfish, to maintain eye-contact (I would not do that before). I’ve also never been so focused in my life. My mind is clear as day.
As for my relationships, as soon as I stopped caring about being in couple or not, being virgin or not, I met the perfect girl. Nice, intelligent, beautiful, very shy like me, but that’s fine. We’ve been in couple for about 1 month and a half now. It’s just the beginning, it might not work out in the end but I don’t care, I take life as it is!
As for fapping, I don’t feel the urge anymore; I even forgot what it was like to be addicted to this crap. I know that nobody is ever safe from fapping so I’m still being very careful about triggers and so on. It took me 30 days to kill the “daily urge”. Then I hit “flatlining” which was not so painful for me. Finally, the urges came back, but I was prepared for it so I got rid of them very easily. Now, I feel like I’m normal.
I used to be an introvert, being afraid of talking to people or in public. I won’t say that I’m perfectly with these right now, but it’s definitely got easier. By overcoming my introversion, I made lots of new friends, male and female (I used to be shier when it came to female friends).
What helped me :
- Having a long-term project: I started learning Spanish. Some of my relatives speak Spanish so I thought it would be nice. It kept my head off the addiction for some time. I started biking and hiking.
- Meditation: that helped a lot. It teaches you to stop listening to your urges, to kill any fantasizing (I think fantasizing is natural but in our case, it is extremely dangerous).
- Keeping a detailed diary: record any fantacizing, wet dreams, emotions. Analyze them and find to orien them positively. For instance, “I want to M when I’m alone in my room and nobody is around”=>”Go outside, or go to the library to work on your Spanish”
- Finding support: on Internet here. In my case, I relied heavily on my older sister. I know I can trust her for keeping this kind of secret and always be supportive. Not everyone has the chance to have so encouraging a relative. In any case, find people to help you.
I hope this post helps those of you who are still struggling. I have just one thing more to say: be brave, it’s totally worth it !
Sorry for long post, I think some may find it useful.