This success story is important because I used to come on this website every day and see no improvement. Unfortunately, quitting porn is only half the battle. This story looks into the other equally important problems that I initially overlooked.
Everyone says ‘I was the worst case scenario’. I won’t say that, but my case was extremely poor.I considered myself as straight and started off watching videos of girls kissing each other on YouTube when I was 13, then went on to gay porn and then eventually tranny porn by the time I was 19. My penis was lifeless around women but strong around porn. Now, at 21, I get 100% erect with women and can enjoy sex.
My experience was horrifying because I did not consider myself as gay, yet by 17, I could only get erect to ‘Shemale’ porn. When I was 18 I was desperate to have sex because I was a virgin so I met a transsexual escort. It was traumatising and embarrassing and ended up getting chlamydia and a HIV scare which lasted 6 months. It was around this time I decided to quit porn and get over it.
I stopped watching it and after 90 days felt little improvement. I could still only really get erect to gay and shemale porn. Everyone I told (maybe 1 or 2 people) just came to the conclusion that I was gay and into transsexuals. But I knew deep down in my heart that I loved women: but I could not get erect to them, and on top of that I had this phobia of vaginas.
For years I was depressed, I lost contact with friends, from January 2014 – May 2014 I felt sick every single day from morning to night. At one point I seriously considered taking my own life. If I ever tried to have sex with women (no matter how beautiful) I would get incredibly anxious, and obsessive over the fact that I wasn’t erect enough. I avoided sex. Every single guy I would pass I would test myself to see whether or not I was attracted to them. I tested my mind with everything and doubted everything. I had no idea what my sexuality was, I was depressed, I had a phobia of sex and vaginas, I had a low libido; whenever I tried to wank using my imagination I could barely get it up. I tried everything to get over my ‘phobia’ of vaginas. I tried gradual exposure using pictures but it only made my fear worse. I didn’t understand or enjoy ‘intimacy’.
I could literally write an entire book about all my problems and the journey I went through but instead I will talk about the solutions and advice as they are the most important. Now, when I think about a women or am with a women I get 100% erect. I will address 3 main problems and their solutions. Problem 1 is the one that unites us all: erectile dysfunction.
Problem 1: Porn Induced ED
PORN:
1) Quit porn. It’s hard to pinpoint exactly how long you have to stop as everyone is different but I decided to stop watching it in February 2013. I ‘relapsed’ a handful of times (maybe 15-20 times in 2 years). But for the majority of that time I did not go anywhere near porn. It was out of my life. It doesn’t matter when you started watching and how much you watched. You have to stop and IT WILL improve no matter how hopeless your case may feel.
2) Stop counting the number of days that you are off porn. I made this mistake. It’s not helpful. Just accept that it is out of your life forever and move on. If you are like me, you will become quite obsessive over the number of days you have quit porn, but if you do that, you’re thinking of porn. Instead, in my mind, it is healthier to do this: write a letter, a declaration to yourself, that porn is out of your life and that when you open this letter in two years time you will not have masturbated to porn in those two years since writing the letter. Put the letter away somewhere and FORGET ABOUT PORN. After a period of time porn will become a less frequent thought in your mind. I used to think about it a lot. Now I don’t.
REWIRING:
1) Rewiring is difficult but essential. After a long period of abstaining from porn you may still find yourself in the ‘flatline’. I certainly did for A LONG time. The only way I eventually got myself out of the flatline was by spending time with a girl. Believe it or not, at first, I didn’t really enjoy spending time with girls or want to. I just wanted sex. Porn does that to you, no matter what your morals are, porn will make you look at women differently. I did not enjoy cuddling, or socialising with girls…not since I was a wee boy. I didn’t understand intimacy, it was …yucky…wasn’t for me. And I thought I would always feel like that. Now? I love it. After quitting porn for a long period of time, and you feel like you want to move on to the next stage, force yourself to socialise with girls and after a while you will begin to enjoy it more. You will understand them better, appreciate them more. That’s what happened to me, anyway. When I first met my girlfriend I was only sexually attracted to her (even though I couldn’t get an erection). But I learnt to find her emotionally attractive. I eventually rewired. You have to learn to rewire with someone emotionally before you can get an erection. I wanted to quit porn for say 9 months and then have a one night stand with a stranger. For me, it didn’t work out like that. I tried that but it failed. Instead, I became intimate with someone I found attractive physically and then eventually emotionally and then eventually was able to have sex.
2) Practise focusing in on the 5 senses: Get inside a bath. Get a class of orange juice. When you’re in the bath focus on your five senses – sight, smell, touch, taste and hearing. For example, really focus in on what you can hear – yeh you can maybe hear the radio, but listen further – can you hear distant cars from outside or the wind or rain? What about your class of orange juice, take your time with it, really taste it. Smell your shampoo – what can you smell in it? Is there coconut in it or lavender or what? This is what you will do when you are having sex with a women. You will let the body rule the mind. You will focus on senses and not let your mind interrupt the natural process taking place.
3) Try ‘wax and waning’. Wax and waning is a way to masturbate which encourages you to practise getting it up and achieving large erections. What you have to do is this: get your penis erect, then let it get unerect, get your penis erect again and then let it get unerect, repeat this again, and then when you do it for the fourth time climax. Use your imagination only and focus on your five senses. Only do this if your still struggling to get erect with women after a long period of abstaining from porn (say 9 months minimuim).
4) Make friends with girls: I was so depressed I took a year out from university. However, it’s been a great year because I got a job working at TGI Fridays and made a lot of friends, some of whom were girls. I began to enjoy spending time with girls – something I never had in years. I got voted best looking male by the girls by the way. Not too shabby. Get yourself out there and rewire!!
PROBLEM 2: HOCD
1) I used to worry myself about my sexuality. I enjoyed gay porn but didn’t consider myself gay. I had extreme HOCD and used to obsess over my sexuality for years. How have I overcome that? Every time I was worrying over my sexuality I used to repeat this mantra ‘Your attraction towards men might be caused by porn or might be caused by my natural desires. It DOES NOT matter. As long as you don’t worry about this or fantasise over it nothing bad will happen.’ The reason I never let myself fantasise over men is because I didn’t want to ‘relapse’. Not because I was homophobic. If you ask what my sexuality is now, my answer is: I don’t know or care. I go with the flow. I don’t worry about whether or not I find women or men attractive. Gender is irrelevant. And yes, some people will say porn may have changed my sexuality. My ‘sexual tastes may have morphed’. But why does it even matter? As long as you do not watch porn it cannot harm you. All I know is I love women and that’s that. My attraction towards same sex doesn’t bother me. I might be bisexual it might be a porn fetish. I don’t care! Just don’t watch porn!
Problem 2: Vagina phobia
1) This is unusual. It is probably not relevant to you. But it did happen to me so someone reading this might have the same problem. My vagina phobia may been have linked to my HOCD where I found the need to question everything including my thoughts about vaginas. I looking at the female body in the wrong way – I was focusing in on the vagina like it was a disembodied entity. The solution is simple – stop obsessing over it. At first, I had to take a girl from behind – doggy style – as this is how our ancestors did it minimises our fear. Gradually, after having sex numerous times, my fear of vaginas diminished.
Quit porn and rewire with girls and you will overcome this. I waited a long time and I am still improving every day. But I can now have a normal relationship and have sex. 6 months ago that seemed impossible. Feel free to ask me any questions.
Gerry.
Aged 21, from Glasgow, Scotland
LINK – Must Read: Porn Induced ED/HOCD/Phobia finally cured after years
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