Age 21 – Social anxiety gone, new intellectual interests, truly enjoyed sleeping with women for the first time


Today is my 180th day! It’s been quite an experience so far. I first tried nofap a little over a year ago, and after several failed attempts, including a 70+ day streak, I feel confident that I am finally over this habit for good.

A lot of people talk about nofap as a “cure” to an addiction, but if there’s one thing I believe after 180 days, it’s that there’s no such thing as being sick or as being cured. There’s only improvement and stagnation. It doesn’t matter if you have a 10,000 day streak–if PMO is going to impede your improvement and lead to stagnation, why would you do it, even moderately?

Now that I’ve adopted this mindset, it’s a lot easier to live without PMO. I am happy without, and I want no part of it, and even though I still get small urges from time to time, I know deep down “OF COURSE I can never go back… How could I ever want to?” Nothing is worth losing that feeling of living life to the fullest.

Let me get a little more into that, living life to the fullest and other benefits. First of all, I’ve always had an interest in great writers, but most books never made it off my list of books to read in the future. During this 180 streak, I’ve read some incredible books, some of which were long and challenging, and the personal growth that comes along with that cannot be beat.

I’ve also developed an interest in philosophy, and have read several philosophy books, which has really improved the clearness of my thinking, and my outlook of the world. I feel so much more confident in how I view the world and my place in it–for example, I now am more secure than ever in my moral beliefs (something I never had with nofap) and this does not come from any kind of doctrine or anything (I am not religious).

Rather, I feel like I have a deep understanding of myself and of others and can make my own moral conclusions. I never felt like this when I was PMOing one or more times a day.

My grades are now better than ever. Even though I was always a decent student, I often felt like I was just going along with the motions and doing the bare minimum to get an acceptable grade. But now I’m actively engaged in all my classes, and I truly enjoy doing the work I have to do. I’m so much more invested in my studies and it really shows.

I now enjoy talking to people, and I almost never feel social anxiety, which used to be a regular occurrence for me. I almost feel honored to be able to meet new people every day, and to be able to engage in conversation with them. Talking is the main way we connect, a way we can briefly enter someone else’s life. What a privilege to be able to converse with friends, acquaintance, and random people I’ve never met before. When I was PMOing, I never felt an ounce of gratefulness for that opportunity, but it’s truly one of the greatest things in life, and it’s meant to be enjoyed.

I’ve been talking to more girls, and have met and have had hookups and casual relationships with a few. Nothing has lasted long term, but that’s the way I want to keep it since I will be spending 6 months in Europe starting in January (another thing I NEVER would have been able to do before nofap, but now I’m very excited for the opportunity).

Anyway, I’ve truly had a good time with these people. When I was still PMOing, I was able to meet girls (on rare occasions) but I would be so anxious and desperate with them that I would push them away almost immediately.

In the last 180 days, I’ve truly enjoyed sleeping with women for the first time really. Before I was always so self conscious it was almost debilitating. Now I am confident, always communicate clearly, am able to focus totally on the girl and what she is feeling, and I am not worried about what she thinks about me. It’s like I know she’s into me, and attracted to me, and at the same time I know that it’s totally cool if she isn’t. I feel like I don’t need women, but for the first time I have the ability to do something when I meet someone that I like.

Casual relationships can be tricky situations, but despite the fact that this is not a good time in my life for a serious relationship, I still want to have fun with girls and learn more about my sexuality in general! I just try to communicate exactly what I’m feeling…It’s the only way to be fair to the other person, and those types of skills will be important whenever I get in a long term relationship down the road.

All in all, I finally feel like I have complete mastery over myself, and I am able to master myself more and more every day. It’s like for the first time, I’m in harmony with myself and I’m in a place in my life where I can try new things, be creative, and be continually learning and growing. Nothing beats that.

Most of it was hardmode. Probably until 120 or 130. I was never exactly trying to do hardmode, it just worked out that way.

I don’t remember the exact reason why I started. I was unhappy with my social life, for one. I’m a 21yo male.

I’ve been really getting into a lot of the classic German philosophers.

I read The World as Will and Representation but Schopenhauer, which I didn’t like too much in some respects because it is very cynical. But in a way I think it makes a good case for overcoming cynicism. It’s talks a lot about self denial and things like that, which really resonated with me, especially as I was going through nofap.

Less cynical stuff I really liked (a lot more than the schopenhauer) was the Metaphysics of Morals by Kant and Some Lectures Concerning the Scholar’s Vocation by Fichte. Both of them are difficult to read but definitely worth it imo. Definitely instilled in me a very optimistic view of humanity.

Also, I really enjoy Marx. He has a lot of stereotypes surrounding him but as I got into him a little more, I found I didn’t really have a good sense of his thinking at all. He’s also a great writer and overall just a joy to read.

LINK – 180 Day Report

By lysergicacxd