I’ve always been an introvert like many of you and never had any problems staying alone at home for weeks (or so I thought). Im a 21 one year old guy and this year -because of many reasons- I wasnt able to find a university and spent September through November at home alone playing video games.
I never had any trouble making friends and being social when I went to school because I had to go and the people were there for me so socialize with. But without realizing it I had spent two months alone (I fapped once or twice a week at that time) and I didn’t even realize there was something wrong with that.
I still talked and saw that one childhood friend. She is a nice looking girl who had a crush on me (and told me she loved me) for the last 10 years. So because I had no one else in my life I unconsciously started being more attracted to her and ended up dating. I fapped much less during that time and for the first time I was able to feel. I could feel love and pain instead of the numbness that allowed me to be alone for so long.
Long story short there were many reasons we couldn’t really stay together but when we broke up I found out she got a rebound guy the next day and it destroyed me. It wasn’t like her feelings towards me changed or our situation, but the knowledge that the only person I had in my life had replaced me so easily coupled with the new feelings from Nofap was too much.
I have always been a pretty stoic and rational dude when it fucked me up so bad. I had mood swings like you wouldn’t believe, I wanted to kill myself. Even when I wrote on papers how illogical my thoughts were I couldn’t stop feeling. SO MUCH FEELINGS.
I guess at this point I could have said fuck it and fapped my feelings away Im sure it would have worked. The thing is I didn’t have any interest in porn, food or anythig. I couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat without throwing up. I was a mess.
But I realized what was wrong with me. I wasn’t supposed to be alone and put all my eggs in the same basket (My girlfriend). I had no life of my own.
To recognize you are the source of your own loneliness is not a cure for it. But it is a step toward seeing that it is not inevitable, and that such a choice is not irrevocable.
After the first two months of being incapable of functionning as a human being I was slowly regainning my sense and the mood swings were less and less frequent. I have a job and I am doing my best to eat better and hit the gym while seeing/meeting more people. I’m still not completely over it but I’d like to tell the people who are in pain and hurting today. Don’t hold on to it. It’s not your fault so don’t inflict that on yourself. Look forward and walk ahead, always ahead.
he funny thing is a few years back my GF cheated on me and I couldn’t really give a fuck when I was fapping all day. Now just the thought of someone I love doing that to me is painful
What helped me :
R/Stoicism and the stoics principles in general are great ressources for pretty much every problem you have in life (check the Hownottogiveafuck subreddit too)
Feeling better David. D Burns it may be the best book for understanding and curing depression.
Again cold showers, intermittent fasting/clean eating, exercising, socializing and hobbyes are strongly recommended.
I don’t know if my breakup threw me in a two months flatline or not but I had no libido and will to live but I’m slowly getting much better. I’m getting arroused and have more energy recently.
We’re all gonna make it 🙂
For all of you having trouble out there https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R2_Mn-qRKjA
LINK – First time reaching 90 Days Report