Age 22 – I like the person I am now

I stumbled upon this subreddit by chance one day. I think it was referenced in a joke, but I got curious and read more and more and before I knew it I was ready to participate.

When I started I was between jobs as I had been accepted onto an awesome grad job the same time my current work place shut down, leaving me without a job or money in a new country with little to keep me occupied or any real friends nearby. In case you’re curious, I was 21 now I’m 22.

The reason I started is because I felt that sometimes porn and masturbation had control of me. If I didn’t once a day I’d be annoyed and angry. If there was nothing to do I’d sometimes just keep going, maybe 5 times a day, edging, watching film after film and knowing too many porn stars than is healthy. When I could recognise a performer based on their dick I realised I watched too much… But I am a feminist and have always respected women. The porn I liked was porn that seemed real or ‘less fake’ and where it was more than a hard angry fuck. I liked to see affection and chemistry.

But basically for all my life I have had a crazy high sex drive. I still do and sometimes hate how much I think about sex and how I could fuck everyday on repeat happily, but then I have moments when I realise I’ve done nothing for days. I’ve realised now that keeping myself busy is the best cure. Cos I used to deal with this by masturbating lots.

Anyway… The first few weeks were torture, so much free time so little to occupy me I struggled. But I kept strong and powered through. To all strugglers out there it does eventually get easier. I was playing guitar more, reading, being less of a recluse, gym everyday (I had no job). It was definitely getting good, I liked the new me.

Then I moved to my job across the country in another state. Again I started well. But I had so little money before I started work I couldn’t do anything… Had no guitar, no gym, my laptop too shit to game on, no new books to read.

I was honestly really lonely after the first week which I spent with some family in the area. It had been ages since my last long term relationship and a few weeks since my last sexual encounter. So I went on tinder… I talked to a few girls, tried to sort some things out but one day I was too horny and impatient with replies that I went on CL… It’s embarrassing to even say. But I found myself on there, looking and replying to guys wanting a guy for their girl, girls wanting a guy etc. It was a low point but I was so horny and lonely I was dying.

Before I knew it I was hooked… Again, I hadn’t even started work yet so I had lots of free time and no distractions. Sure I wasn’t masturbating, but maybe it would have been healthier if I had been?… I was seeing graphic naked pictured daily still. I am a good looking guy, I just lacked confidence and felt alone.

So I ended up talking and connecting with a few people. A few girls who I got very close to meeting in person. A lot weren’t hot so I’d just talk and lead them on, thinking they could have someone my standard. It’s horrible to say but just to have the feeling of someone wanting me was nice, I get off on a girl getting off or wanting me. These certainly did… It also fed my sexual appetite.

But luckily I had been occasionally reconnecting with a childhood acquaintance in the area as our families have always intertwined and we became friends. I started my job and began to get more money and then to buy more things so I had more to do with my free time. I also started to make more friends. I still spoke to a few girls and even got chatty with a much older woman on tinder who I nearly met up with.

Then one night, my family friend and I hooked up. She said she thought I was cute when drunk, I had no idea as I thought we were only friends and we kissed. She stayed at mine that night, then the next night I stayed at hers and we had sex. We had been basically dating as mates for two weeks and I hadn’t noticed cos I’m often clueless with knowing someone is into me. Not gonna lie, cumming for the first time in a month or so was amazing… But also that it was caused by this beautiful sexy girl rather than myself.

Lucky for me she’s awesome, fun and as sexual as I am and can match my sex drive. But honestly, she doesn’t know, but I think she saved me… Without her I may have ended up meeting a girl off the internet one day.

That’s my full honest story… It’s been both good and bad.

What I noticed during my time… I like the person I am now without masturbation. Luckily my (now gf) knows and understands and actually quite likes that I’m different and I don’t. Even tho she does daily, but she hasn’t endured the same mental training that most boys do from a young age that instills this pornographic/masturbation addiction.

I do so much more with my time and feel good for having real solid hobbies that I participate in that are beyond masturbating.

My sex drive is the same. Keeping busy does and has helped but I think I’m just wired this way.

I haven’t flatlined… Heard I might, but not even close to it honestly. No wet dreams or any of that other stuff.

I have been through some life changes during all this so I can’t say if I’m more confident or anything. Honestly I’ve noticed little change in my confidence or personality. But I never really had much of an issue with it before, so maybe that’s why?

If people are doing this and expecting the equivalent to vegan super powers from Scott pilgrim it’s not going to happen. But what all this does is give you more control again and make you a person who’s more proud of yourself.

I don’t think I’ll ever masturbate again. I also hope that if I break up with my gf I stay away from my old bad habits online, which I think I will. I don’t know if anyone will read or this or if you’ll hate or like it. But this is an open supportive community and I thought I’d share my story in case anyone wanted to know.

Feel free to ask any questions and I’ll gladly answer.

LINK – The highs and lows of my 88day journey. Complete honesty… 

by hdrip