I have been on the self-development journey for a solid year now. Meaning that this year I have actually started working towards my goals seriously. And it is the most incredible beautiful experience. I feel like I have pure energy flowing through me, and just feel so… light. And I have felt so heavy in the past, and still do from time to time, but I seem to be able to crawl out of my despair much faster than ever before.
I’m going to paint you a picture of the old me. Perhaps you can relate to this thing I call a creature. Despicable he is, lying there, exhausted from lying down and slaying dragons till his joints are stiff and pained. Frustrated from the lack of joy his release from himself he turns to beautiful women, sometimes more than fifty at a time, and in all manner of disgusting and strange ways. He sleeps for a while, and wakes no more rested than before. He eats the cheesy meaty goodness filling his mouth and belly. He feels disgusting. He knows this thought is more apparent than anything he has ever felt, and longs to escape it. So he cycles back into sadness and again, slays dragons.
This guy is a piece of shit. This is who I was, a corpse walking, and it held me back romantically, socially, physically and intellectually. In every way possible, I was held back, because I had no energy. I had very little life!
So, I want to explain a few of the things that have really transformed my life. Really started me going.
- Keeping a journal. This is fantastic for when you don’t want to face the thoughts in your head. If you write them down and ask yourself why you feel the way you do, you quickly realize there are other ways to think about your situation. This may not take away all your stress, but it may help with some. It certainly supercharged my ability to deal with my addictions.
- Meditation. Allows you to realize that you will be fundamentally okay simply being yourself. Things will never be perfect, rather they simply are exactly as they will be right now. In layman’s terms, stop investing so much of yourself into making something work when it won’t. If things are that complicated, it is possible it’s not meant to be.
- Gratitude. This is the single most powerful change I have ever made. Period. If you notice the negative in everything, you will notice even more negative things and events. Try this exercise, whenever you have a free moment and are pissed of about something. Flip the script. I’ll give you an example I had today. My girlfriend and I made plans and she cancelled. I was a little upset and told her so (that is a boundary, which I won’t get into). But rather than let this go on forever, I realized the positive. That I really needed some time alone. In this time I meal prepped and practiced my vocals. In summary, always find the positive.
- Find something you enjoy doing, even if you suck at it! When I first started singing I had zero talent really, like it was extremely difficult for me to switch notes and my pitch was terrible (still needs work though…). But I sound 70000% better than when I first started and it always makes me happy.
- Exercise. Do it. Do it often and do it hard. But don’t hurt yourself recklessly. Work towards improving. I recommend HIIT, (have you seen sprinters, they are beasts) and compound lifts. Do whatever else, but I believe those two are essential.
- Lastly, if you don’t like some of the things in this post, great! You are not me and I am not you! Fundamentally though, just do what feels right and genuinely makes you happy.
Longest porn streak. 47 days. For me its not so much hating myself for not reaching some arbitrarily high number. Its more enjoying life instead of escaping. Mostly now I orgasm about a month, mostly from fantasy. This takes my stress away from the idea that im a failure if i cant stop. But I dont feel the need to so much anymore and eventually id like to be porn-free entirely.
The benefits for me are mostly I feel like I have a more vibrant energy. Im more excited about things I would have previously found mundane. Like singing, boxing, lifting and meditation.
In my first three relationships I had big troubles getting erect with my girlfriends. No problems with porn. The pieces slowly added up. Now, my morning wood has significantly improved. Which was a big indicator for me. Also I find myself more attracted to girls. That last part is hard to explain. But I genuinely feel attracted to them. Rather than comparing them to porn stars. I can achieve erection multiple times during successive rounds of INTERCOURSE. Generally I find in the summer its higher and with new people its higher. But with my current partner I can usually have two enjoyable sessions.
I feel pretty great at the moment, and I think the main reason is that I feel confident i’m moving in the right direction. Today at the gym. Three pretty ladies said hello to me and smiled. In the past I would not even have been able to look them in the eye.
I’m finding life is this slow march forward, appreciating where you are, but realizing you can be so much farther. In the past I used to think my life was pretty much over because I had sunk so much time into gaming and porn. It was most of what I knew. And the funny part, I’m 22. It was only when I started to appreciate those things I had around me that I started taking leaps and strides forward. And then I began appreciating things even more, as more cool things entered my life.
Much love folks, I’m out.