Was 100% cured I think, and I wasn’t worrying about it at all anymore for the past few months. But went on like a three-day [porn] binge this weekend and now I have it again just like the (bad) old days. With it, I just want to isolate myself because I don’t want to socialize when I don’t feel like myself. I realize I’m more than my D but it’s impossible to ignore how pathetic and emasculated I feel.
There is really no denying how much it spreads to every area of my being in terms of confidence and self worth.
Don’t know how long it’s going to take to feel back to normal, maybe weeks, maybe months.. but until I do I refuse to go out.. I’m risking having the few friends I have forget about me or think I don’t want to be with them, but I just refuse to be around anyone until I feel like my semi confident self again….
To be honest, the main benefit I found [before my binge] was that my PIED was gone, and I’d say that’s because all in all that was the main problem, I didn’t really go into it expecting or even wanting “superpowers” or whatever. Sure, I have social anxiety and it was partially helped by quitting porn, but I think a lot of the social anxiety stemmed from the PIED – it was just always in the back of my mind and I constantly felt shame; felt inferior around other males, felt pathetic around women, etc.
And if you are wondering about my badge it’s because I’m pretty much always just on my phone and I can’t be bothered to figure out how to reset it on mobile.